O ~ One Day More

"Break na tayo," I finally said, after much prodding.

We were standing in front of each other, Miko and I. His eyes were tearing up. My expression was apathetic. He opened his mouth, as if to speak, then closed it again. He was staring blankly.

After a moment of stunned silence, he finally managed to blurt out, "Bakit? Nagbibiro ka ba?"

I looked at him and said once again, "Hindi. Napag-isipan ko na to. Ayaw ko na talaga."

He sat down on the nearest bench and started sobbing, burying his face on his hands. I followed him and waited, sitting idly beside him.

I met Miko on late November of 2009. One day, while I was on school immersion somewhere in Batangas, I received an SMS from an unknown number. He introduced himself. I asked where did he get my number. He said he got it from my previous clan; he was an ex-clanmate. For two weeks, we started to talk regularly.When I returned from the immersion, we decided to meet each other before I went home. He's chubby and a few inches taller than me. He's got a slightly unsmooth complexion and a set of crooked teeth. He's doesn't look that bad though, he's still presentable. He's charming and interesting. The only thing I hate about him was he always put powder on his face. I hate men who use face powder. It was a good first meeting nonetheless. Our conversations were engaging and fun. After that, we were officially a couple. Until one night, in late January of 2010, this happened.

"Bakit nga? Ano bang problema? Sabihin mo sakin ang totoo. Gusto kong maintindihan," he asked.

I gathered my thoughts for several seconds, inhaled deeply, then I answered, "Feeling ko kasi halos walang pinagkaiba yung relasyon natin dun sa amin ni Rom." I averted my eyes, looking down, then continued, "Di ko na kaya pakinggan yung mga problema mo sa pamilya, lalo na sa tatay mo. Napapagod na akong mag-alala sayo sa tuwing umuuwi ka sa inyo. Madami din naman akong sariling problema Miko."

I returned my gaze at him, he was still crying, so I went on, "Tapos hirap din tayo sa gastos. Halos nauubos na allowance ko every week. Alam kong hindi mo naman kasalanan na hirap ka sa buhay, kaso di naman pwedeng lagi na lang ako diba. Nagtatanong na nga sila Mama kung bakit lately ay lumalaki ang mga hinihingi ko sa kanila. Tapos---"

"2 months pa lang naman tayo Sepsep. Ang bilis mo naman sumuko," he interjected.

"Yun nga eh. Alam mo bang matagal ko na sana gustong kumalas? Mga isang buwan na tayo nung na-realize ko na hindi to magwo-workout eventually. Sabi ko sa sarili ko sige pagbigyan ko pa ng ilang weeks. Hanggang dumating ang nakaraang linggo, di ko na talaga kaya. Sabi ko kakausapin na kita. Pero mahina pa loob ko, kaya sabi ko, 'Sige, isang araw pa Sepsep.' Araw-araw kinukumbinsi ko ang sarili ko, na gagawin ko na, pero ngayon lang ako tuluyang naglakas-loob," I explained.

"Ano pa?" he said.

"Tapos ito pa. Nahihirapan ako maniwala sa mga kwento mo. Gaya nung sinabi mo na-ospital ka, pero ni hindi mo man lang ako hinayaang dumalaw kahit isang beses. Hindi ko alam kung totoo ba yung sinasabi mo na may sakit ka sa puso, kasi wala naman akong napapansin na kakaiba sayo. Atsaka yung di ka makalabas ng bahay ng isang linggo kasi sabi mo pinagtripan ka na naman ng tatay mo. Yun naman pala nasa galaan ka lang halos... Oo, alam kong nasa mall at mga inuman ka nang ilang beses. Wag mo na itanong kung paano ko nalaman. Ayaw ko na din marinig ang explanation mo. Kung ano man ang dahilan mo, wala na sa akin yon," I finished.

He stared again at me, looking shocked. I beamed, my eyes were accusing. He looked down once more. Then suddenly, he stood up and walked away. I just watched him go, feeling triumphant. In my mind, I was saying, "Yan ang dapat sa mga gaya mo. Ako pa tatarantaduhin mo ah."

You see, Miko was never serious with me. I was lucky that I didn't let myself fall hardly in love with him, considering I can get easily attached. I discovered his lies and deceits from a common friend. So I decided to end things with him. I won't wait for him to leave me, making me look like a fool. His tears were dramatic and convincing during that time, yes, but I know it was all just an act; they weren't real.

Oh, and also, he's a gold digger. Unfortunately for him, I'm no sugar daddy.