G.3 ~ Giordano At The Cemetery

"Patay na ang Kuya Ronald mo, kanina lang. Andito kami nila Ate Glaiza mo sa hospital," Gio announced, extreme sadness creeping in his voice.

"Ano? Bakit, ano nangyari?" I asked, slightly shocked.

Kuya Ronald was one of Ate Glaiza's hot younger brother that I was crushing on before. He was tall, artistahin, charming, and very friendly. With his death, he left his wife widowed and his son fatherless.

"Hindi rin malaman ng doktor ang eksaktong dahilan eh. Ino-autopsy pa siya. Nag-basketball lang siya kagabi tapos naligo pagdating at nagpahinga na. Pagkagising kaninang umaga, hindi na maganda nararamdaman nya. Hanggang sa isugod na siya sa ospital. Dito na lumala ang lagay nya, tapos tuloy tuloy na," he sobbed, doing his best not to completely cry.

It was a such waste losing Kuya Ronald that early. What will happen to his bereaved family?

"Magsisimula ang lamay nya mamayang gabi sa bahay nila. Para kila Ate Glaiza mo, sana naman ay makapunta ka bago siya mailibing. Malaking bagay na iyon," he continued.

"Okay sige, I'll make time. Pakisabi sa kanila, nakikiramay ako ng lubos," I said, ending the call.

When I went into the wake, Gio stayed by my side the whole time. We didn't talk about what occurred the last time we saw each other; there is a right time and place for that.

"Sepsep, punta ka din sa libing ha, pls. Sa linggo. Ang misa ay doon sa simbahan sa bayan," said Ate Glaiza.

I looked at Gio, checking if it's okay, and he said, "Sabay na tayo pumunta."

The mass and burial were held, and Kuya Ronald's family decided to have him cremated. While we were waiting for the cremation to finish, Gio asked me to join him for a walk.

"Alam mo, kahit papaano na-miss din kita. Nanghihinayang ako kasi nasayang yung kung anong meron tayo," he sighed.

"Baka naman pwede pa nating subukan ulit? Let's work this out. I realized na andami kong di magandang nagawa sayo. As in sobra. At pinagsisisihan ko na ang nagawa ko nung huli. Tinuruan ko na ang sarili ko. Di na ulit yon mangyayari," I apologized.

"Pag-iisipan ko muna ha Sepsep. Medyo nakaka-trauma kasi yung nakaraan eh," he said.

"I understand. Take your time. Nandito lang naman ako," I accepted.

Once again, we parted ways. After a few days, I received an SMS from Gio.

"Meet me doon sa lugar nila Ryan. Let's try to work this out ulit," he said.

And so I went, and we had a long talk. We asked each other for forgiveness and agreed for a compromise. After having passionate make-up sex and more talk, I went home. We continued our conversation via text.

"Nga pala, I forgot to ask you. Sino ba yung nagsabi sayo about dun sa nagpatulog kami ni Ryan ng mga lalaki?" he said.

"Wag na nating pag-usapan yan Gio. Tapos na naman yan. Hayaan mo na," I answered.

"Dali na. Hindi naman ako magagalit. Curious lang ako," he probed further.

"O sige na nga. But you will let this go after I tell you, okay? Si Berta ang nagsabi sa akin. Concerned lang siya kasi hindi ko daw alam ang tungkol doon," I said.

Berta was our cross dresser friend. I received no replies from him for almost an hour. I was already at home, doing my homework, when I received a call from him.

"Nasa byahe ako ngayon pabalik ng Manila," he said, sounding troubled.

"Ano nangyari sayo? Okay ka lang ba? Kala ko dun ka matutulog sa lumang bahay?" I said, a hint of worry in my voice.

"Wag ka magagalit ha. After mo kasi sabihin kung sino, sinugod ko si Berta dun sa kanila. Umapaw ang galit ko kasi nagdusa ako dahil sa ginawa niya. Nung makita ko siya sa may labasan nila, ayun pinagsasabunot ko na. Inaway ko siya at sinigawan. Tapos bumalik na ko ulit sa loob ng bahay at nag-lock ng pinto," he admitted.

"Oh my God. Naku naman Gio. Tapos?" I said.

"Tapos after mga 30 minutes, siya naman ang sumugod sakin. May dala siyang kutsilyo, sinisipa yung gate. Buti na lang at nakakandado yung pinto at inaawat siya ng mga kamag-anak nya. Kung hindi ay baka kung ano na ginawa na sakin. Sobra ang takot ko kaya umalis na lang ako nung tahimik na sa labas," he said.

"Ikaw naman kasi. Sabi ko sayo wag na natin pagusapan. Lumaki pa tuloy lalo yung gulo. Paano na yan?" I said.

"Malay ko. Ayaw ko na muna makipag-usap sa ngayon. Medyo pagod na ko. Kontakin na lang kita kapag okay na ko," he finished, dropping the call.

No more calls or text messages came from him that night, so I called Ryan to gather info.

"Nabalitaan ko nangyari diyan ah. Kamusta si Berta?" I asked with concern.

"Ayun warla sila to the max, para kaming nanonood ng teleserye! Napaka-dramatic, with kutsilyo pa and all. Ikaw naman kasi, bakit binera mo pa kay Gio na siya ang nagdaldal. Ayan tuloy, hindi na siya pwede ulit bumalik dito. Bera ni Berta na papatayin daw nya kayo kapag nakita nya kayo. Kashokot!" he said rather irritated.

"Ah ganun ba. Pasensya na kayo ha. Malaking gulo pa tuloy to. Sorry talaga," I said.

"Alam mo bang may gusto sayo si Berta? Kaya niya sinisira si Gio sayo. Pansin iyon ni Gio matagal na, kaso kanina nya lang na-confirm nung sinabi mo kung sino nagbuko samin. Ayan tuloy," he shared.

"Wala naman akong idea; hindi ko naman binigyan ng malisya yung mga ginawa ni Berta. Kala ko concerned lang talaga siya. Teka, sabihin mo naman sa akin kung may ginawa nga ba si Gio dun sa mga lalaki na nakasama nyo matulog. Please Ryan, alam kong best friend  mo si Gio, pero sana maawa ka naman sa akin kung may pakialam ka. Kilala mo si Gio ng lubos, at ikaw ang makakapag-sabi kung deserve ko ba talaga siya," I plead.

He sighed and said, "Sa totoo lang Sepsep, senglot ako nung gabing iyon. Si Gio nakainom din. Actually, hindi naman ako natulog dun sa lumang bahay eh. Inuwi ko sa amin yung isang lalaki tapos dun ko na pinagpyestahan. Yung dalawang lalaki ay naiwan dun kay Gio. Ngayon, hindi ko na talaga alam kung ano nangyari sa kanila. Ang alam ko lang ay umaga na umuwi yung dalawang lalaki, kasi naabutan ko pa sila nung pumunta ako doon. Pinakain pa ata ni Gio yung dalawang yun. Sorry Sepsep ha."

"Naintindihan ko Ryan. Salamat ha," I ended. My gut feeling was very strong, my suspicion was as good as confirmed.

Because of all that transpired and all that I discovered, my feelings for him were lessened. Since he is currently jobless and his savings were almost exhausted, my meetings with Gio were lessened. And since we already had no place else to have a private time together (he was now banned at the slums), we just had our dates in a mall or a park, which were kinda bland and uninspiring. We weren't able to have regular intimate sex anymore. As I said before, I don't like motels. Besides, I was still underage, so it would be very risky. Eventually, he became busy with his papers for an overseas job. This led to me becoming more and more distant from him. Until one day, a few days before we celebrate our 6th month, it all finally ended. And this time, it was for good.

We agreed to have our date in the Jollibee where we first met. After eating, we decided to hang out beside the church where Kuya Ronald had his final mass. I felt uneasy at that time. The same familiar itch began crawling inside me, forcing me to do something that I hadn't done for a long time. It was telling me to check his phone, and once again, I gave in. However, this time, I asked his permission. I told him that I must check it. He didn't like the idea, so he refused rather strongly. This fueled my suspicion, so I insisted. After much forcing, he finally handed me the object of my desire. And there, in his inbox, another flirtatious conversation with Aldrin. The same old guy from La Union. They were talking about Gio's overdued visit to his place. He told him that he will soon leave the country for another job abroad. Then Aldrin said that Gio should definitely meet him before he go overseas, and Gio agreed, telling Aldrin to just wait and he will make time to meet him since he is a priority.

I was emotionless and numb the whole time I was reading, and Gio was very quiet. Afterwards, I handed him back his phone and slowly walked away towards the street. When I saw a jeepney, I immediately got in it. I never looked back and he never ran after me, which I knew was the most likely thing that will happen. I knew it was really over. I was depressed while going home, but I didn't cry. I even laughed at myself for my stupidity. Fortunately, he didn't contact me again, so it was easier to finally let go of him and move on; I was already dead tired from the unhealthy relationship. He had the opportunity to leave me twice, and this time, I was the one who had the chance to say, "It's over."

I considered Gio as my karma for the things I did to Mary Jane. At first, I was wishing that Gio and I never happened, but eventually, my regret soon changed into gratitude. I was very thankful of Gio for the following: 1) he helped me grow by providing me a difficult relationship; 2) because of him, I found out my insecurities and weaknesses as a lover; 3) he helped me realize what I am capable of when I am emotional or angry; and 4) because of him, I experienced the kind of life different from what I am used to (the life in the slums, which I will discuss in the next story). After much internalization, I used all of these to greatly improve myself, so that the next time I fall in love, I would be a much better partner and avoid the undesirable things that I have the capacity to do. Then, I just told myself, "Better luck next time Sepsep."

Well, what is the sense of a tragic love story if there are no lessons learned?