Letter Break 5 ~ What The Hell Really Happened

Kung ako lang, ayoko talaga ng mga set-ups o mga reto reto ng mga kaibigan. Masyadong complicated kasi kapag relationships are being built over an existing network, posibleng masira yung network if di mag work yung nireto. Anyway, I just said yes para mapagbigyan ang kalokohan ng kaibigan kong si Paul. So ang ending, he came over at my house with a friend of his. Inuman daw and get to know each other. After the usual awkward start-up questions, the conversation flowed smoothly along with some shots of Johnny Walker. Neil turned out to be a nurse who just passed his board exam. He’s definitely my type. He’s tall, smart, young, straight acting, decent-looking, and can keep up with intelligent conversations.

The truth is, I am not really looking for a serious relationship. Maybe because of several attempts of committing to someone, which all ended up in nothing, I just got tired of it. I mean, I am 28 years old. I knew I was gay when I was a child and I knew there is no fairy tale with happy endings for me. I know my reality. All feelings, all kisses, and the looks of passion from another person that some will call “love” is, for me, just a passing breeze.

This is why I do not want set-ups. Because it involves personal acquaintances. It requires you to tell the truth including your real name. And trust me, if you know my back story, you’ll agree I should not give out my real name, or even my address. So my tender moments revolve around online sites. My sexlife is just “shoot and leave”. I don’t have to know your name or what you do or talk to you the next day. I do not look for love and I think it’s ridiculous for people to think they can find it there. I know what I want, and I always get it.

Going back to the good conversation I am having with Paul and Neil, I think we are heading in the right direction. Until someone showed up in my door ---- forgive me for cutting again but I had to include another back story…

I prefer online meet-ups mainly because it is safe - everything is a surprise. You have seen pictures, talked to each other, several phone conversations but after you meet them, they will sometimes be a totally different person that what you expected. One of those nights. Cute guy in a picture. You use the same pick up line. He replies back. Conversation. Connection. Meet up. Hook up. Split. The end. 

My conversation with Geosef is both the same and different. We talked. We met. We ate. But I don’t feel that he is into me. He’s a young chinito-looking guy. The type that has an extra appeal to me. I was probing and trying to impress him. He doesn’t seem affected. I think I got him bored. I know these types though. They are young and not interested to know you. They just want a release. So I asked him if he wants to chill sa bahay. He said yes. 

Sa  totoo lang, wala namang gagawin sa bahay maliban sa pagwatch ng dvd. After hitting the Play button on my player, I sat next to him, my presumption is that we are not really interested in watching. After an hour of playtime, I put my arms on his shoulder. My typical move to say “forget the movie and let’s do what you intended to do when you came here.” He gave me a look that caught me off-guard. It is very unusual in all my typical encounters  - the looks that says “What do you think are you doing, pervert?”. So I took my hand away, feeling slapped in the face. The movie went on for another hour. I never tried again to get into his pants. The message is clear – I am not his type.

I had several encounters like this before - guys who are disappointed because maybe they thought I don’t look as good as my pictures. But often we just talk for less than 3 minutes – basically just a “hi” and a handshake and they have to go because “something came up”. I am not offended because I do that sometimes too. Some people just don’t meet our criteria. But Geosef is different. He stayed more than 3 minutes. He endured the long movie.

Nung pauwi na siya, habang nag-aabang kami ng jeep, I said, “Sorry I am not your type. That’s ok if you don’t want to text me anymore”. I don’t remember exactly what he said but it is something like, “That’s not true. You are my type. I just don’t like that you made me watch a movie for 2 hours instead of talking to me.” 

Huh? Magulo pala eto eh. Type mo ako eh walang nangyari sa atin?? Excuses. Pero sige, whatever. 

Going back to present, as I was hanging out and chilling with Paul and Neil, the topic about Geosef came up. I had somehow mentioned his name, so Paul asked me probing questions. “Who is that guy?” I said I just met him online. Neil seemed surprised. Paul is a little bit drunk that maybe he forgot he brought Neil to set up with me. “Do you even know his name?” asked Paul. I answered. “Sounds like a fake name to me," Paul quipped. I agree. Geosef’s full name sounds weirdly unique. The type that can be used as an alias. But I don’t really care. I give out fake aliases as well for all my meet-ups.

Afterwards, we continued drinking, and talking, and laughing. Paul is very entertaining when drunk. He laughs and cries a lot for our amusement. I don’t remember at what point I fell asleep drunk from where I was sitting until I woke up being dragged, led to the bathroom. I don’t feel totally awake until I realize my clothes are being removed. It doesn’t feel real and I don’t have the right senses to resist until cold water was being poured in my head!

Still groggy, I finally able to comprehend what’s going on. Paul is in his usual delirious drunk state! He had me stripped naked in my bathroom floor bathing me like a baby! He was mumbling incomprehensively like a mad man! Then I heard someone knocking in my bathroom door demanding what’s going on inside and if we don’t open the door, he’ll just go.

"Neil! Gising na ako!" I yelled. I asked Paul to stop. He was still mumbling things. The guy’s crazy when drunk! Damn! I opened the door. Neil was standing  there. Shocked to see me and Paul naked on the floor, dripping wet. 

Shit. I know how it looks like. Paul is a very bad matchmaker!!! Neil crisply asked the still mumbling Paull to dress up because they have to leave. I have no explanations in my sleeve. I am still groggy. I quickly dressed up. I just said sorry to Neil and offered a few words about nothing happened and that thing his saw was just crazy. He said there is no need to apologize. I’m sure. But whatever his intention of meeting me that day, it just vanished. Well, again, whatever.

As Paul and Neil left, I saw some unread messages in my phone.

Geosef is saying that he hates me for being insensitive. Ugh! I don’t know what he’s talking about. He sounds like some nagging housewife and I don’t have the time to figure out what’s in his mind. I had enough crazy people for the day. I don’t care.

***

Author's Note: Ace posted this entry in his personal blog more than 2 years ago. I was very lucky to be able to retrieve this. I borrowed this without his knowledge, so be quiet, okay? *wink*