T ~ This Too Had Passed

Ever wondered what it's like to have a relationship with a felon? In my case, after Russell, I didn't have to wonder anymore.

On July of 2010, I joined another clan (You might exclaim, "Na naman Sepsep?!". Don't worry, this would be the last time, I promise.), and this was where I met him. We became close, we often talked, we went out a few times for drinks; after a few weeks, we were in a relationship.

Russell is 3 years older than me, short at 5'2", and moreno. His looks are average with some facial hair. He has a lean and muscular body, his abs are clearly visible, and his cock is thick and around 5 inches long. Actually, he looked pretty much like a longshoreman. He'd been to my place only twice, because most of the time, I was at his. He came out to his friends because of me. He didn't want to choose between spending time with me or his friends, that's why he decided to tell them the truth, so that I could also hang out with them. I asked him about the possibility of his parents discovering about his revelation. In their small community, there's a chance everyone would learn even the tiniest bit of news. He told me it doesn't matter, as long as it's for me. *awww* That was the sweetest thing that he did for me. I fell for him harder because of that.

Our first sex was kinda wild. It was in an empty field used for herding cows near their subdivision. One moonless night, we went in the middle of it. At first, we were just lying down on the grass, looking up at the stars, innocently talking about random stuff. Moments later, I found myself telling him about the time I had sex with Rom in the dark alley beside my town's municipal hall. Suddenly, he had an idea. He asked if we could do it too, saying that he has yet to experience having outdoor sex. His suggestion made me very horny, so I began to kiss him. Soon, we were naked, humping each other, our sweat mixing and lubricating our bodies. I let my hand wandered his muscled body, trying to explore every inch of him in the darkness. Our moans were loud and exciting, in spite of knowing the risk that someone might  hear us. The heat got more intense when we did 69. We immersed ourselves to the length of the other, submitting to the lustful whispers of our own instincts. The best part was when we exploded in each other's mouth at almost exactly the same time. That was an unparalleled ecstasy.

There was one thing I don't like in Russell: his precum has a very nasty odor. It smelled like rotten fish. I noticed it after we had sex for the second time. During the first, I thought something nearby just smelled bad, like cow dung or something. I tried to figure out why, but I got nothing. Maybe it was related to his smoking, but even if it was, it shouldn't be that much bad. Later on, when we have sex, I often give an excuse to avoid having to blow him. I realized I really can't take it. I didn't bother telling him though, I don't wanna offend him, so I just tried to endure it.

I remembered the best date we had was when we celebrated our first month. He took me to Tagaytay and treated me in an expensive dinner. The cold sweet air, the delicious food, and our nice conversations made it very romantic. However, this memory was tarnished with something else that he did.

One morning, a few days after I passed the board exam and a week before our second monthsary, I received a call from one of his friends, Julie. Her voice was anxious.

"Sepsep, nasaan ka ngayon?" she started.

"Nandito sa bahay. Bakit? May problema ba?" I asked.

"Kasi si Russell, nakakulong ngayon. Nahuli siya at yung ibang mga kasama niya kagabi," she announced.

It took a couple of seconds for the information to register in my head.

"Ano? Totoo ba yan? Anong kaso? Saan siya nakakulong?" I blurted out.

"Oo. Burglary daw. Sila yung tinurong mga suspek nung ninakawan na negosyante dun sa kabilang bayan nitong nakaraang buwan lang. Malakas ang ebidensya. Nilipat na siya kanina lang diyan sa provincial jail malapit sa inyo. Hindi nga din kami makapaniwala," she said, sighing at the end.

I was speechless. I couldn't believe what I just heard.

"Hello Sepsep? Sepsep, nandyan ka pa ba? Okay ka lang ba?" Julie asked.

I snapped from my trance; I answered, "Oo... Oo, nandito pa ko."

"Alam ko nakakagulat talaga, pero mabuti nang alam mo. Dadalawin namin siya mamaya doon. Gusto mo ba sumama?" she said.

After much thought, I said, "Ok sige, kita na lang tayo doon sa labas ng kulungan mamaya. Ingat kayo."

I didn't know what I would exactly feel after that phone call. Worried? Angry? Sad? Humiliated? Betrayed? Abandoned? I dunno. One thing was for sure though, I was shocked. I was not sure how to take it from there. Will I continue this? Is he still worth it?

When I saw Russell, I noticed the bruises on his face. He looked miserable. His parents were the first to talk to him. His father looked extremely disappointed, his mother cried painfully. It was pitiful to watch. Then, it was our turn. I let his friends first. Most of them made the situation less grave by telling jokes or funnt stories. Everyone was uncomfortable, so you really can't blame them for doing so. After that, they gave the two of us some time to discuss privately. I tried catching his eyes, but he couldn't look at me straight.

"Sepsep, humihingi ako ng tawad sa naidulot ka sayo ngayon... Sana maintindihan mo na nagawa ko yun dahil sa hirap ng buhay namin," he said.

I couldn't help but be irritated; it was evident in my voice when I said, "Bakit di mo sinabi sa akin na nakulong ka na din pala noon? Tapos inulit mo na naman ngayon! Di mo man lang naisip ang mga magulang mo? Lalo na ang sarili mo? Kelangan mo ba talaga gawin yon? Bakit di ka naghanap ng matinong trabaho? Ang laki-laki ng katawan mo!"

He couldn't answer me. He was looking down the floor while wiping the tears in his eyes.

"Well, nangyari na eh. Wala na tayo magagawa. Di lang ako makapaniwala na yung pinanggastos mo pala dun sa Tagaytay ay kita mo dun sa ginawa mo," I continued, doing all I could to keep my voice from rising again, "Paano na yan? Tingin ko, di na to magwo-work out Russell."

"Sepsep... Wag naman. Kita mo naman kung anong pinagdadaanan ko. Tapos ngayon ka pa mawawala? Pakiusap naman. Wag mo gawin to sa akin," he pleaded.

"Oh sige, bigyan mo ko ng idea kung paano kikilos ang relasyon natin ng nandyan ka sa loob," I said.

He was quiet again.

"Di bale, sakto lang naman. Kelangan ko na din lumipat sa Metro Manila para mag-apply sa trabaho. Pasensya ka na Russell, pero buo na ang desisyon ko. Kung ano man ang magiging resulta ng kaso mo, sana hindi ganun kabigat," I said, standing up.

He stared at me, crying silently, but not another word came out of his mouth.

I held his hands for the last time, saying, "Ingatan mo palagi ang sarili mo dito. Sana after nito, magtino ka na. Kahit para man lang sa magulang mo... Bye Russell..."

Then, I walked towards the exit.