Thursday, September 19, 2013

X ~ Xenodochial Mistake

I stopped using PlanetRomeo after Ace and I became a couple; I had no more reason to continue because I already found what I was looking for. However, on February earlier this year, I made a new account.

I told Ace that I would only like to look at the profiles and to have some nice, clean chat with other users. His out of the country trips were becoming longer, so I was getting bored at times. He didn't really mind it since he's not a jealous person; he had complete trust in me. Little did I know that this would be a very big mistake.

A month later, after scouring interesting profiles, talking to several users, I found someone who stood out. It was JP. He was wearing a cowboy outfit in his profile picture. He's cute, chinito, and moreno. After chatting about random things for a few days, we decided to meet up. I was already working near Libis by this time, staying at my grandparents' house in Cubao, while he, on the other hand, was an employee in one of the call centers in Eastwood City. Like him, I was scheduled in night shift for the whole month, so we agreed to meet one morning after getting off from work. We had breakfast in a Jollibee near their office.

He was tall and chubby. He has this cute and innocent charm that could get you interested. He's like a discounted Romnick Sarmenta with a rounder face. We got to know each other more. He told me his unfortunate quest to look for love. Once, he had a relationship with a jerk for more than a year. He devoted everything to the guy, only to discover that he was being cheated on for months. After that, all the guys he fell in love with were either not interested or already in a relationship. His search in PR was always unfruitful. I told him about Ace. He was slightly disappointed at first, but he understood. He said we could still be friends nonetheless.

From then on, our communication became much frequent: before going to sleep, upon waking up, during breaks, and every time both of us were available. If I was not talking to Ace via Skype, I would call JP instead. Our breakfasts post-work were repeated for a couple of times more. I was aware that things were already inappropriate, but I pushed the idea down to deepest recesses of my mind. I convinced myself that that was only pure friendship and it meant nothing else.

On March 17, three more days before my birthday, the fateful night I mentioned before had happened.

He invited me to spend a night in his place in Novaliches. Without Ace's knowledge, I accepted. We had dinner in Gateway Mall before we went straight to his house. He opened a few bottles of beer while watching a movie. Both of us were already tipsy when the credits rolled, so we decided to get some sleep.

I was lying on my back, while he was on his side, facing oppositely. I was already in stupor when I felt him changed his position. I looked in his direction. He was now facing me. I turned my gaze upwards. His eyes were still opened, staring at me.

"Bakit?" I asked half-awake.

"Pwede ba akong yumakap?" he said softly.

"Huh?" I reacted, awaking my senses.

He moved closer to me.

"Pwede ba kita yakapin?" he asked once again, this time it was a whisper.

My heart beat faster. My throat became dry.

"Okay... Sige..." was all I had managed to say.

He put his arm across my chest. We were so close that I could already feel his breath; it was warm but minty. My mind was in a frenzy. Will I push him away? Or will I just let him continue? This is wrong! Stop this Sepsep, don't do this! But I remained immobile.

After a couple of minutes, using his hand, he held my chin, turning my face towards him. Then, he kissed me. Unfortunately, I kissed him back. We took our clothes off and he got on top of me, our bodies locked in a sweaty embrace. He went down and consumed my member, taking the entirety of its length. I did the same to him. All the time I was thinking of Ace and how I failed him, but what was currently transpiring was too good to discontinue. I found his licks of lust impossible to resist. My mind was consumed with every stroke of carnal pleasure. His moans drowned out my conscience. I felt that I was not my proper self that night, like someone else had possessed my body, making me unable to control my actions.

My internal struggle had continued until our release. Our cum exploded on our bodies, as my morality imploded inside me. When the glory of ejaculation was gone, the dread of guilt had filled me. I stared at JP catching his breath and what I felt was hatred, not towards him but rather towards myself. Oh my God, what have I done?

"Uuwi na ako," I told him, standing up.

He threw me an incredulous look and said, "Ha? Bakit? Dis-oras na ng gabi Sepsep."

"Maliligo lang ako. Tapos uuwi na ako," I said firmly while averting my eyes.

I took my time inside the bathroom, trying to wash away the sin I had committed, but it was already permanent. I wished it was that easy, forgetting everything, flushing down your mistake down the drain. When I got out, JP was already dressed, sitting idly on his bed.

"Sep, let's talk. Please..." he started.

"Sasabihin ko kay Ace ang nangyari tonight. Hindi kaya ng konsensya ko JP. Siya na ang bahala kung ano ang mangyayari," I stated.

"Sigurado ka ba diyan? Kung hindi naman nya malalaman, wala naman magiging problema eh," he said.

"Hindi ko kaya gawin yun kay Ace. Hindi nya deserve na lokohin ko lang ng ganon," I answered quickly.

He became quiet. After I fixed myself, he spoke again.

"If iiwan ka ba ni Ace, may chance ba na maging tayo?" he asked slowly.

I took a deep breath, sighed, and said, "Sa totoo lang JP, hindi... Kung iiwan man ako ni Ace, mas gugustuhin ko muna maging single. Para ayusin ko ang sarili ko. Kung papasok agad ako sa isang relasyon, mas lalo lang siyang masasaktan. Iisipin nya na ipinagpalit ko siya sa iba... Mahal na mahal ko si Ace. Hindi man nag-reflect yun sa nangyari tonight, alam ko deep inside ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya... Atsaka, kung ang magiging relasyon naman natin dalawa ay nagbunga mula sa isang kasalanan, sigurado akong hindi rin tayo magtatagal."

I knew that I had hurt him with my short speech; it was evident in his face. I didn't mean it, but I felt that blunt honesty was necessary to extinguish any hope he had inside him.

His voice was shaking when he said, "I'm very sorry, Sepsep. Sana pala pinigilan ko ang sarili ko kanina... Nagpadala ako sa nararamdaman ko sayo... Hinayaan ko ang sarili ko na mahulog sayo..."

His tears began to fall down. I approached him, put my hand on his shoulder, and said, "Nangyari na eh. Wala na tayong magagawa. Actually, kasalanan ko kasi pumayag ako. Wag mo sisihin ang sarili mo..."

I stood beside JP for more than a minute as he cried, then I said, "Kelangan ko na umalis. I guess ito na ang huli nating pagkikita."

"Hindi na ba tayo magkakausap ulit?" he asked, looking up to me.

"Kung aaminin ko ang lahat kay Ace, nararapat lang na wala na tayong communication, JP. Ito ang best option para sa ating lahat," I explained as I turned towards the door.

"Bye JP. Thanks for everything," I finished, giving him once last glance.

I heard no response from him anymore, so I let myself out into the solemn night.

To be concluded...


  1. Haaaay naku! Sa gitna pa lang irita na ako...Natapos ang story na uber ang iritas ka! Bad trip ka! Argh...

    Hindi naman ako masyadong affected noh?
    Naku ikaw pala itong hmmmmnnn... kaya pala ang response mo salast comment ko eh 'wag ako pasisiguro... Tsk

    Kawawa si Ace and JP... Bad ka! Again!

    1. I told you, Senyor. :(

      I don't really know why. I guess dahil sa naging busy si Ace, kaya na-enjoy ko ang atensyon na binigay sa akin ni JP. Pero siyempre, hindi nun naja-justify ang kasalanan ko. Sadyang nagkasala ako. I am to blame for it.

    2. Yes, happy naman ako nowadays. :)

  2. Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako sayong bata ka, o hindi. Pero mas lamang yung natutuwa ako haha. It's nice that you acknowledged your mistake right away, and you even planned to tell Ace about it, too. Other people wouldn't have the guts to do that. ;)

    1. Disappointing, isn't it?

      To make it clear, hindi ko ginamit si JP in any way ha. Sadyang hindi lang maganda ang nangyari sa friendship namin. Pero siguro, if walang cheating na nangyari, malamang na-introduce ko pa siya kay Ace in person, at lalong na-reinforce sa isip ko at kay JP na magkaibigan lang talaga kami, nothing more. *sigh* Like I said, a very serious mistake.

    2. Matuturing bang hardcore cheating kung walang emotions involved? Just like what happened with you and JP? It still is cheating, but it'll be more grave if you were actually in love with JP. ;)

    3. No, di ako na-inlove sa kanya. Pero siya sa akin, oo. *sigh*

    4. I want to ask more questions, but I don't want to preempt your next blog entries hehe.

    5. *hmmm* Kung relevant sa entry na ito. Why not? Maybe make it in bullet form?

      I'll tell you if I can't answer them.

  3. Now I'm scared... :'(

    Sabe na dapat hindi ko to binasa :((((

    1. I'm confused. Why are you scared Jjamps?

    2. are you still in PR?

      please leave that site :(

    3. I will never utilize that website again. Ever.

    4. sorry, I'm just a bit paranoid lately, and I don't mean na makielam sa buhay mo...

      Glad to hear that.

      I just recently left that site, I logged-in for the last time, didn't even tried reading all the pending messages, I quickly went to settings and clicked on the delete account. It will be the very last time I'll see that color blue background.

      :(( Sorry pero nabother talaga ako sa post na to, nakutuban ko na nung nabasa ko ung title.

    5. May history ka din ba ng cheating? Or may nag-cheat na ba sayo before? Why are you so bothered Jjamps?

    6. I never cheated, and yes may nagcheat na sa akin (my very first relationship)

      bothered ako sa line na to
      "pure friendship and it meant nothing else"


    7. Does this have something to do with Vic?

      Just because it happened to me, it doesn't mean that it will also happen to you Jjamps. Trust your partner. If you really love each other, then hindi ito mahirap.

      I'm just sayin' ha. I don't really know anything about you. :)

    8. :(

      i'm just no good about reading stuff about cheating and all, nagfaflash back kasi ung dati eh...

      it won't happen to me and i won't let it happen.

      no this has nothing to do with Vic, and I do trust him dearly, it's the people around us that I don't quite trust

    9. Mukhang na-trauma ka sa nangyari sayo before ah. *tsk tsk*

      Well, that's the spirit. :)

    10. She was a trickster, she fooled me all along saying that exact line

      "pure friendship and it meant nothing else"

      and I was kid back then, foolishly in loved

      took me about 5 years to recover, then when I thought I was ready, boom! I was once again fooled by another girl that I dated when I was already working.

      Alam mo naisip ko nga na siguro kaya nangyare to lahat para makilala ko si Vic (ayieee kinikilig naman ako masyado) ahahaha


    11. Wow. 2 pechay pala ang nanakit sayo before. *tsk tsk* Geez. Mahaba ang 5 years ha! I'm glad you were already past that. :)

    12. a neighbor and an officemate

      nakakatuwang isipin na mga taong halos araw-araw mong makikita haha

      nabother lang talaga ako kasi nabasa ko ung exact line na un hehe

      well as we always say, things happen for a reason and for me that reason was for me to meet Vic :)

      *sana kiligin siya pag nabasa nya to* ahahahaha

    13. Ang cheesy. *hehe* Sana nga mabasa nya Jjamps. Pero I'm sure alam na nya ito. :)

    14. anyways

      so many lessons in life that we learn the hard way
      so many questions that we have to search for the answer only to find out that we shouldn't have asked it in the first place

      pero one last question, have you ever thought of this line "what he doesn't know won't hurt him" when you were with JP

      super against ako sa line na yan eh

    15. Sumagi sa isip ko yan, but I immediately discarded it. Alam kong hindi kakayanin ng konsensya ko. At hindi iyon ang deserve ni Ace. He's a good person para gawin ko sa kanya yon.

    16. Makikisali lang po ah na intrigue kasi ako sa supposed-to-be-blogpost-i-shouldnt-have ni Jiampong eh.


      Ay nasabi niyo na pala lahat. Hahaha!

      Agree din ako sa everything happens for a reason pero sometimes kahit alam natin o ninyong dalawa na you were brought together by the universe, hindi mo pa rin makukuha yun agad agad. Minsan kelangan mo pang paghirapan minsan kelangan mong mag intay ng matagal minsan kailanganin mong unawain na pinagtagpo nga kayo ng universe pero hindi mo agad agad siya makukuha kahit alam ninyong dalawa na pinagtagpo nga kayo dahil may mga taong masasaktan.

      Di be SepSep? :p


    17. Uh... Ewan ko. I don't know what to say, really. :P

      Pero agree din ako sa 'everything happens for a reason'. Para sa LOST lang eh. *hehe*

    18. Lagi na lang don't know what to say sayang ang pink lips. Hahaha!

    19. Ang turo kasi ng nanay ko sa akin noon, kung wala din lang daw akong magandang sasabihin, mabuting manahimik na lang ako. :P

      Uy joke lang yan ha. Baka tumaas na naman dalawang kilay mo. *hahaha*

    20. Apat ang kilay ko. Charot!

      Waley. Hahaha!

    21. Sabi na nga ba't alien ka talaga eh. :P

    22. Haha! lakas tawa ko dito. Loko ka ah ;p

    23. i decided to delete the post, may trauma lng cguro talaga ako pag dating sa cheating and having read those exact line para akong nag time warp pabalik sa high school...

  4. Did you have an idea prior to that fateful night that JP had feelings for you?

    Were you attracted to him? Did you initially think something might "happen" between the two of you?

    Have you forgiven yourself for what you did?

    Sasagutin mong lahat yan, sa pagbabalik ng, The Buzz! Lol

    1. >Yes, I have. Hindi man nya sinasabi ng diretso, pero nararamdaman ko ang pagtingin nya sa akin.

      >Somehow, yes. Nung in-invite nya ako, sumagi sa isip ko na baka may mangyari sa amin, and that didn't stop me. Honestly, deep inside my mind, gusto ko din kaya ako pumayag. I was that awful. Ugh. I despise myself.

      >This is a very interesting question. Thanks for asking this. *hmmm* I think I would say yes. I had come to terms with what I did. I learned a very important lesson from it.

    2. Very good iho. I'm satisfied with your answers haha.

      That's what is important here. You learned your lesson. And you've forgiven yourself.

      Bow. :)

    3. 'Iho' ulit? *huhuhu* Di naman na ako bata...

      Thanks Javes. You cheered me up. :)

    4. Pasensya ka na, iho at iha talaga ang tawag ko sa kahit sinong nakababata sa akin, kahit one year lang ang age gap lol.

      Oh sya, aabangan ko na lang ang susunod na kabanata ;)

  5. Sorry. Nakarelate ako sayo rito, Sep. Yung napaparalyze ka na di mo alam gagawin taps maliligo ka para tanggalin ung amoy ng pabango nya. Haiy. Natutuo ako. Natuto tayo. Bakit nga ba natin sinasaktan ng taong mas malapit satin?

    Sabi nila, pag nagawa yan, questionable ng pagmamahl mo sa partner ko. But based on my experience, after it, I realized I was for him alone.

    1. Sabi na eh. *hehe*

      Kaya naintindihan kita dun sa post mo dati. Pero ang difference lang natin, magkaiba tayo ng way kung paano hinarap yung naging pagkakamali natin...

  6. This one, I was able to spare the last partner. In a sense, I was able to live out my dream to be in a monogamous relationship.

    It happens Sepsep.

  7. May kilala akong ganyan. Yung ginagamit yung tao pag bored siya (Sorry had to say the word "ginagamit") pero siya hindi pag bored ang reason pag ginagamit niya yung tao, pag may problema sila ng boyfriend niya or pag walang time sa kanya boyfriend niya. Parang aso na isang araw papakainin ng kalinga ng amo tapos the next day ipapamigay na yung aso sa iba.

    Masakit yung ganun kasi in a way pinaasa niya yung tao. In a way he made him believe that someday they will be together that in someways he will learn to love him and that one day he will leave his partner for him. He made him believe it will happen......

    but it didn't

    Sabi ni Stephen Chobsky "We accept the love we think we deserve"

    In this story ako si JP at ikaw ay siya. I guess kilala mo na kung sino tinutukoy ko.

  8. natuto na ako. either may feelings o wala. walang kaunti lang, hahahah

    usapang cheating lang pala, jan umikot ang blog ko? LOL

    marunong na akong kumilala ng cheater hehehe

    1. Minsan di mo din masasabi. Akala mo di makabasag pinggan, yun pala yung puso mo ang babasagin nya. :P

  9. nagustuhan ko ang way ng pagsusulat mo.... ^^

    nakaka dala ng damdamin ang kwento mo hehehe

  10. minsan kailangan natin magkamali para matuto...

    ilabas na ang next chapter, i want to know what happened next. :)

    1. Maya-maya po boss Gillboard. *hehe*

    2. mahilig ka din pala sa games!! mukhang magkakasundo tayo, gusto ko din mga rpg!!! Elder scrolls mga ganyan!! woot woot!!!

    3. Yes, gamer din ako boss! :D

      Ang hilig ko eh yung mga tipong Final Fantasy at Kingdom Hearts eh. Also yung gaya ng mga Heavy Rain at The Walking Dead. :)

    4. Ako nagsisisi ako at binili ko ang Diablo, bumili pa ako bagong laptop para lang sa game na un ahaha badtrip talaga

    5. Diablo 3? Why? What's wrong with it? Sabi nila maganda naman daw...

    6. I enjoyed diablo sa console. great game. nakakaadik din... pero di ko pa siya mabalikan after ko nagstart ng gta.

    7. Mukhang madami kang games ah. :) Collector ka ba boss?

  11. Ay namiss ko tong post na to bago ako mag-y shet sa alphabet ko kasi walang x. Choz. Anyway nasabi ko na sa y gusto kong sabihin. Haha at ang hirap talaga pag libog ang pinairal. Level lang yan ng pagmamahal, kapag libog ang tao nabobobo. Haha

    1. No pun intended ba yan Kalansay? *hahaha*

      Tama ka, love and lust can make someone forget his inhibitions. :P

  12. I shall wait for the conclusion before I comment on this story.

    Oh and regarding the comment thread ninyo ni Jjampong....
    tsaka na ko magcocomment.

    1. Ito ung conclusion...


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