His first reply came an hour after my last SMS. It read, "Hey, patapos na kami uminom. Okay ka lang ba? Kakain lang kami sa Mcdo after, tapos uuwi na yung dalawa. Ikaw ba, nakauwi na?"
I hesitated, thinking of the embarrassing message I sent an hour ago, but I still replied nonetheless, "Hey,
sorry sa message ko kanina. Uuwi na ako maya maya. Would you mind if
makitulog ako sayo? Mukhang late na kasi ako makakarating."
lame excuse. The truth is, I only wanted to see him again. I might have turned him off earlier with my behavior, so I
was planning to fix that.
"Sure, inform mo lang ako kung malapit ka na," he said.
When I arrived at his house, the lights were already dimmed. It seemed he was just waiting for me before sleeping.
"Pasensya na at medyo may tama pa ako ng konti. Tinira kasi namin yung Chivas Regal at Black Label ko diyan," he apologized.
lakas nyo uminom ha. Sobrang lakas non pareho ah... Anyway, mag-freshen
up lang muna ako ha. Nanggaling din ako sa inuman eh. At amoy yosi na
ako," I said.
"Nagyoyosi ka?" he blurted out.
"Hindi po. Yung mga kasama ko. Napakausok kasi doon kanina," I explained, "Bakit parang gulat na gulat ka?"
"Ah. Sorry, ayaw ko kasi sa naninigarilyo. Sige, mag-ayos ka na muna," he said, slightly laughing.
studied him. Nothing had changed with the way he talks to
me, although I noticed he was trying to avoid having eye contact as much
as possible. Or was it just me? I shook off the thought and proceeded
to his bathroom.
After cleaning up, I found him already
snoozing in bed, so I decided to get a shut-eye as well. However, he stirred up as I lay down.
"Oops, sorry. Hindi ko sinasadyang gisingin ka," I said.
"Hindi, okay lang. Hindi kasi ako sanay na may natutulog dito, kaya medyo nagulat ako... Higa ka na," he said, moving to make space.
"Ace... Sorry din pala ulit kanina ha. Yung mga text ko. Malamang nakulitan ka siguro," I said.
"Nagselos ka ba?" he asked.
"Uhm... Medyo... Oo," I answered shyly.
He was quiet for several minutes. During this silence, I couldn't help but
be sad. It was as if I already knew what will occur. I looked at him.
He was staring at the ceiling. It looked like he was contemplating about something, so I just waited for him to speak.
"Honestly, nainis ako sa text mo kanina. Ang dating sa akin ay parang
meron na agad akong obligasyon sayo. Ni hindi pa nga tayo eh," he finally spoke, stating what I just feared.
"Kaya nga humihingi ako ng paumanhin. Sana hindi nagbago ang tingin mo sa akin," I said.
lang naman talaga ang hanap ko Geosef. Hindi ako naghahanap ng
karelasyon, hindi pa ako ready mag-commit... Sabi ko kanina sa sarili
ko nung na-gets ko ang behavior mo, 'I can't do this. Tingin ko hindi ko siya kaya i-handle. Feel ko
hindi ito magwo-work.' Although okay kang kasama, mukhang possessive at
seloso ka. And I don't need someone like that... Kaya buti na lang at
pumunta ka ngayong gabi. Kasi gusto ko sana kausapin ka ng maayos. Ayaw
ko naman na itigil natin ito thru phone lang," he declared.
At this point, I found myself already crying. I would prefer it if he had just told me that over the phone, so that I
could've saved myself from the embarrassment of having to show him a moment of
weakness. Why let me stay over if he's only planning to tell me that? I did my best to hide my tears, but I was
sobbing uncontrollably. God, I must've looked so lame. It was only 3 days since I met him and yet there I was, feeling like shit. What the hell was
wrong with me? I guess my bad habit of getting easily attached got the
better of me.
"Pero..." he said, pausing.
there it was. Something I didn't expect. A word which can bring either
hope or dread depending on the polarity of the information it follows.
Having heard it in this situation, it brought the former.
"Pero ano?" I asked, hoping.
He hesitated for a moment and then said, "Pero
naisip ko bigla kanina na matagal-tagal na din mula nung huli kong
relationship. Halos puro one-night stands na lang ako. Nami-miss ko na
din na may gumagawa non sa akin. Nag-aalala at nagseselos. Yung may
umaangkin sa akin."
This time, he completely faced me. He reached for my eyes, wiping away my tears.
"I realized that I really like you Geosef," he continued, "It's
been a while mula nung may nakilala akong gaya mo. Masarap kasama,
witty kausap, hindi boring, magaling humalik... Saglit pa lang tayo
magkakilala pero pakiramdam ko malalim na ang feelings ko sayo... Yung
mga sinabi ko kanina, defense mechanism ko lang siguro yun. Ilang beses
na din kasi ako nasaktan, kaya iyon ang unang naisip ng utak ko. Pero
buti na lang ipinaglaban ko yung nararamdaman ko. Yung pananabik ko.
Pagod na din kasi akong mag-isa... So what I'm saying is... I want to
give this a try."
Hearing that was too overwhelming
for me; I was speechless. I just threw myself at him, kissing him softly but passionately, our arms wrapped
around each other, our lips locked in a swirl of lust. I wanted to make him feel that I was already his; that starting from then, he would be the only one. It was experiencing nirvana like never before. The atmosphere heated up as we began taking each other's clothes off. My
tongue tasted every inch of his skin that I could reach. My mouth took
the entirety of his length, owning it just for myself. I pleasured him in ways I hadn't done in a
long time. It was a moment of pure bliss until the climax; our cum
exploded on our trembling bodies, mixing with our sweat. The deed left
us breathless, slumped on top of each other, all our energy drained out.
We ended it with another kiss. A long one fueled by new emotions.
Emotions best expressed through that act. I looked at him for a long time, memorizing his entrancing face, tracing his lips with my finger, drowning myself in his irresistible charm, and telling myself that I would love him like I had never loved before, that I would do everything I could to keep him happy, and that I would strive to be the best partner that he deserves.
soundly that night, not knowing that what I had in my arms
was someone that would actually make a big difference in my life.
To be continued...