Sunday, September 15, 2013

V ~ Volition & Integrity

I can't remember anymore the last time Uncle James and I had sex. But I do recall exactly how it ended.

At the end of the second part, I had mentioned that he's already staying  in his home province for good. His father got terminally ill, and before passing on, he asked Uncle James to finally marry. At age 38, he was still single. So they arranged his marriage with a woman from the next town. He and Aunt Josephine got married on January of 2008.

I even attended his wedding, together with my family. As I watched him say his vows, I was actually happy for him. I didn't feel any regret or sadness. I felt that that marked the end of our sexual activities, and that I could finally have a decent relationship without him on the side. You see, even though married men (closeted gay or not) are in my list of fetishes, I am strongly against the idea of having an affair with people like them. It is pitiful knowing that their wives remain ignorant of their indecent acts. I won't let myself get involve in their complicated life; I have enough self-respect to become just a mistress, lurking in the backdrop of their family picture, waiting for an ounce of their precious time. Hence, when I heard him say "I do", I told myself that nothing should happen between us anymore. I promised myself that I would be strong. However, I was unsuccessful.

Having sex with him regularly for more than a decade, I had a hard time coping with the immediate turn of events. As I said before, it threw me off a little. He was like an addiction which was suddenly stopped. I was craving for it. So when he visited us few months later, I wasn't able to resist myself from fucking him as hard as I could when he crept up on my bed during midnight. The fact that he's already married instantly got lost in my mind. My inhibitions were blocked by my longing for lust and carnal pleasure. I made sure that every pump of my hungry cock inside his warm ass gave ecstasy, telling myself that I had to make it worthwhile, thinking of all the empty nights I had. Afterwards, I can't really remember if ever I felt guilty, but I am sure that this recurred for several months, in his every visit.

I only put a complete stop on it when Aunt Josephine gave birth to their first child. It knocked some sense into me. Now that he's already a father, I should become more steadfast in adhering to my decision. I failed to respect his wife and the sanctity of their marriage, so the least I could do at that point was to respect his son, who is also my cousin. From then on, every time he visited, I always told him to sleep in another room. And at night, when he came knocking at my door, I just ignored him, forcing myself to sleep, doing everything I could to suppress the hunger that was burning in my groin.

After constantly doing that to him for a couple of visits, he finally understood what I was trying to say. I had no plans of telling it to him directly. You see, we never really had any serious talks in the duration of our secret affair, about what went on between us. They just happened without the need to discuss it. We begin the deed silently and we clean up afterwards without saying a word. So I used actions to tell him that it was time to finally finish it, that I didn't want to continue anymore, that it was already enough. After that, his visits became limited to once a year, only when there's an occasion. He is now focused in being a loving husband and a good father.

Now before I conclude this, I should also remind you of something I said at the end of the first part; that I bear no hate towards Uncle James. Because of him, I became really good in bed. I learned a lot of things from our dirty little secret. I became an expert on how to make someone writhe in erotic pleasure, to let them reach heaven like they had never been there before, to make them crave for more. These are the reasons why I am grateful of him, though I never really had the chance to tell him 'thanks'. 

He was like the practicum of my homosexual life before facing the reality of hook-ups and relationships. Even though he caused me a great deal of pain and anxiety in the past, that still won't beat the fact that I benefited from him greatly; that for the second half of it, he was the one being used and manipulated. I could definitely say that the debt had been paid.


  1. It was a closing of a chapter, and I'm glad you did it with grace.

    Happy Weekend.

  2. at dahil walang beking pinangarap maging kabit...

    glad you were able to outgrow it :)

    teka panu na yan V na... the end is near?

  3. This blog is about to close? Haiy, why do good things have to last? Anyway, what happened to the continuation of the previous post?

    1. It will be continued and concluded, FSOQ. Don't worry. :)

  4. ang lahat ay may katapusan...


    and with having an end to everything, naisip ko e anung mangyayari sep pag tapos na ang "Z"?

    1. Actually, hindi ko din alam. Isa lang ang sigurado ako: mula July, I am and will always be a blogger. :)

  5. Replies
    1. Wow. Thank you for the time. I hope you enjoyed it. :)

    2. I was amused and entertained, and hmmm. :)

  6. Question: don't you think Uncle will look for another one since like you said it was like an addiction? Was there no love involved and just pure lust?

    1. Well, I hope not. Because that would be horrible. Gusto ko ako lang ang nakagamit sa kanya. *hahaha* But kidding aside, sana di na nya gawin sa iba ang ginawa nya sa akin. He already has a son, so sana dun na lang siya mag-focus. Sa pagiging mabuting father.

      I forgot to mention this. Somehow, in the course of our affair, I developed some feelings for him, but it didn't last long. Naging possessive lang ako sa kanya, pero hindi naman obsessed. I am not sure kung love nga ba yun. And later on, parang naramdaman ko na nagkaroon din siya ng feelings sa akin. Naramdaman ko yun sa bawat halik nya sa akin. At kung paano nya i-submit ang sarili nya kapag pinapasok ko siya.

      Thanks for the question Jonathan. :)

  7. sana nga nagtapos na sa'yo yun.

    nice, good thing meron kang will at strength to overcome the call of libog. haha
    at maganda rin na nagets niyang tama na.

    grabe lapit ka ng matapos!

    1. KalansayCollector! Namiss ko na comments mo! Wala pa ba bagong post? :)

      Siguro medyo nag-sawa na din ako, kaya nakayanan kong bumitaw. Ang hirap tumanggi sa sex ha. Yung literal na kumakatok na sa pinto mo. *hahaha!*

      Oo nga eh... :(


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