FOREWORD ~ THIS BLOG CONTAINS HOMOSEXUAL STORIES WITH EXPLICIT LANGUAGE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Z ~ Zenith Achieved

It was the morning of my birthday, March 21.

I was sitting in front of him. The warmth of his living room didn't help in alleviating my anxiety. I came directly from work; the fact that I still had one more night duty later was already irrelevant to me. Maybe I'll just call in sick. Besides, it was my special day. All I wanted at this moment was to talk to him, to convince him to think otherwise.

He stared at me, pain and anger evident on his face. He just arrived from the US; he went home directly from the airport. He looked weary and sleep-deprived.

I looked down at my hands, unsure of how I would begin my speech. I had given this a lot of thought beforehand, even memorized it. But all the words became lost in my head. I couldn't think clearly. My mouth was dry and my shame was sky-high.

"Sepsep, magsalita ka na. Kanina pa ako naghihintay," he said.

"Ace... Nandito ako para makipag-usap. Kung talagang ayaw mo na, at least man lang maayos natin itong gawin sa personal. I think less pain iyon para sa ating dalawa... Pero bago ka magdesisyon ng tuluyan, sana mapakinggan mo muna ako... Please?" I begged.

He sighed. He scrutinized me for a minute and said, "Ok, go ahead."

"Sa totoo lang, may nakahanda na akong paliwanag para sa kasalanan ko... Pero naisip ko na kahit anong sabihin kong dahilan, hinding-hindi nito maja-justify ang ginawa ko. Inaamin ko kahit sa sarili ko na nagkamali ako. Ako lang ang dapat sisihin sa nangyari..." I started as my eyes became moist.

He didn't answer, so I continued, "After nating magusap sa Skype, madami akong kinausap. Sila Lanie, si Rey, pati si Mama. Lahat sila pinagalitan ako. Sinermonan. Tapos pinayuhan. Kinausap ko din yung dalawang best friend mo. Ganon din naman ang ginawa nila. Lahat sila disappointed din sa akin, pero hinahangad pa rin nila na maayos natin to. Doon ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na kausapin ka. Na hindi sumuko. Na sa kabila ng kahihiyan ng ginawa ko, meron pa ring mga taong ayaw tayong magkahiwalay..."

"Naikwento nga sa akin nila Vanessa at Ritz ang napag-usapan nyo. Pati ako kinukumbinsi nila," he stated. I became slightly optimistic. At least he was responding. It didn't look like he would walk out on me anytime soon.

"They are hoping na ma-resolve natin itong problema. Please Ace. Hindi ko na maibabalik ang ginawa ko. Hindi ako makapagbibigay ng dahilan o alibi kung bakit ko ito nagawa. Ang magagawa ko na lang ay ang panagutan ito. Gusto kong malaman mo na inaamin ko ang pagkakamali ko at nagsisisi ako ng lubos. Natutunan ko na ang dapat kong matutunan. Please... Pagisipan mo Ace. Hindi ko pinipilit na patawarin mo ako ngayon din. Pero sana pag-isipan mo mabuti... Walang problema kahit gaano katagal. Basta maghihintay ako sa desisyon mo..." I said in between sobs.

"Anong nangyari kay JP? Wala ka bang balak makipagrelasyon sa kanya? Tutal mukhang napaligaya ka naman nya..." he quipped, but I sensed a hint of jealousy in his voice.

I looked at him straight in the eyes, reached for his hand, and said, "Before pa kita kausapin sa Skype, tinapos ko na ang communication namin. Sinabihan ko na din siya na wala na siyang dapat asahan sa akin. Sobrang guilt ang naramdaman ko after ng kasalanan ko, kaya I ended it right after..."

He didn't shook off my hand, so I took it as a good sign and resumed, "Mahal na mahal kita Ace. Sobra sobra. Nagkaroon ako ng moment of weakness. Naging mahina ako. Pero please be convinced, na hinding-hindi ko na ulit gagawin sayo iyon. Nakita ko kung paano ka nasaktan, kung ano ang mga consequences na pwedeng mangyari. At hindi ko kaya na makita kang umiiyak dahil sa akin, sobrang nasasaktan din ako. Please Ace... Don't throw this all away... Bigyan mo pa ako ng isa pang pagkakataon..."

He suddenly threw himself at me. I hugged him tightly. I couldn't help but let the tears flow. Then, he kissed me. A kiss I thought I would never experience again. I just found myself kissing him back very passionately, afraid that this might be the last time. I was savoring all the ecstasy it had brought me. When he finally let go of me, I had no idea how much time it had passed; that moment seemed very, very long.

"Na-miss kita, Sepsep. Sobra... Hindi mo lang alam kung ano ang lagay ko nung pagkatapos natin mag-usap sa Skype. Mag-isa lang ako sa hotel. Walang makausap, walang matawagang iba. Parang akong mababaliw..." he said.

I just stared at him. I was speechless. Extreme guilt overtook my ability to talk.

"Nung nasa eroplano ako, buo na ang desisyon ko na patatawarin kita. Sabi kasi ni Ritz na tutal bata ka pa naman daw at prone pa sa pagkakamali. Sabi naman ni Vanessa, inamin mo naman daw ang ginawa mo. And that's not a very easy thing to do. Naramdaman daw nila yung sincerity at pagmamahal mo sa akin kahit ganoon man ang nangyari. Bilib sila sayo kasi napaka-mature daw ng ginawa mo. Kaya nag-isip ako ng mabuti. Tinimbang ko kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman ko. Masakit, oo, pero masaya ako kahit papaano kasi umamin ka... Ang totoo nga nyan, namili agad ako kanina, right after I arrived. Namili ako ng mga iluluto ko para sa birthday mo ngayon. Bumili na din ako ng cake..." he continued, "Happy birthday ha. Mahal na mahal kita, Sepsep."

I glanced at the kitchen and I saw a few shopping bags. I was overflowing with bliss now.

"Wow... Eh paano pala kung hindi ako pumunta ngayon? Kung hindi na ako nag-effort na ayusin ito?" I asked.

"Well... I guess ise-celebrate ko mag-isa ang birthday mo. Magluluto pa din ako at kakain mag-isa. Kaya buti na lang talaga at nandito ka..." he answered.

Truly, what I had in my arms right then was life's gift to me. He was a blessing I was very thankful of; someone worth keeping, and someone I know I could be with for the rest of my life. And I am so glad that I didn't let him go, that I fought for our relationship, and that he gave me another chance.

I will never screw this up, never again.

***

I checked the digital clock sitting at the desk. It's already 5:46PM; the date, September 23, 2013. Today is the day Ace and I celebrate our 3rd anniversary, here in the 9th room on the 15th floor of the hotel where we are currently staying in.

I looked outside the window. The silhouettes of Shangri-La and Ascott were clearly visible against the final rays of sunset. Its warm light blanketing the entirety of Makati before it will soon vanish to let the darkness of the night have its chance. I'm looking forward to see the city lights overtake the majestic view I am enjoying at this very moment.

I turned my gaze towards the bed. Ace is lying idly on it, his eyes fixed on the TV. I studied his figure. His face is still as entrancing as ever. He caught me staring at him and smiled. Oh, that smile... The same smile which gave my stomach some butterflies the first time I saw it. He has gotten a bit stocky; he quit the gym a few months after we began our relationship. But I don't really mind. 

Surprisingly, the sex is still great. One might expect that after 3 years, it should've gotten lame and sporadic. However, in our case, it remained hot and wild, yet soft and endearing. We are always innovative when it comes to it, finding new ways to pleasure one another, discovering new things in the process. I guess him being away on business trips for weeks on a regular basis does great help in the return of our longing and lust for each other. He is my weekly exercise, and an intense one at that.

People might say that after what I did early this year, he doesn't deserve someone like me anymore. Maybe they are right. However, I will tell them one thing: I may no longer be worthy, but I know that I still love him very much, with all my heart, more than what others can give. People might also remark, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," but I am ready to prove them wrong. He decided to give me another chance, so who am I to refuse? Every time I look at Ace, I see only a future with him. My mistake will always serve as a personal reminder for me to strive and become a better person and a deserving partner.

He gave me another glance, asking if I am already hungry. I nodded. He said I should get ready then, so that we could be early for our dinner reservation at Bistro Mondo.

As I was dressing up, I couldn't help but smile because of one thing I am sure of; that all is well from A down to Z.

55 comments:

  1. I knew it! Haha! Teka, hihinga muna ako saglit ha? Hihihi.

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    Replies
    1. Bilis ah. :D

      O sige, take your time Javes. *haha*

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    2. Ayan, nahimasmasan na ako hihi. First things first. Happy anniversary sa inyo ni Ace! Yay!

      Grabe lang! Actually, eto ang hula ko, na pupuntahan mo nga sya at magkakaayos kayo. Pero grabe, nakakakilig pa rin hihi. Your story is indeed inspiring Sepsep. I hope it'll touch more people's lives the way it touched mine. Arte ko no? Hahaha.

      Pero yeah, this only shows how great LOVE really is. Ay! Ano ba to naiiyak ako hahahaha. Di ko na ma-compose nang maayos ang sasabihin ko!

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    3. Maraming salamat Javes! It is a relationship tested with time and errors, but it is all worth it. :)

      3 years is no easy feat, but I am very happy nonetheless.

      Tissue need mo? *hugs*

      Delete
    4. Yes, tissue please! Haha.

      Hindi ka na nga bata, iho. Mas mature ka pa nga sa akin eh. Lol.

      You both deserve to be happy. Here's to forever! Bow!

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    5. Joy o Kleenex? *hahaha*

      HIndi na nga ako bata. 23yo na kaya ako! :P

      A toast for love! *clink*

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    6. I hope more people could read your story. Better yet, turn this blog into a book! Haha.

      Your story is a testimony that love keeps no record of wrongs. :)

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    7. Depende kung may interesado mag-publish. :)

      Delete
  2. Perfection. What a good run from A to Z that was.

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    1. Thanks Anon. I was very much satisfied with my work. :)

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    2. So all along, you already knew what to write from A to Z? Were those already composed in your head?

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    3. Before I started, I laid out all the the stories I could think of. Those which I thought were significant and containing a moral lesson (one way or another) were assigned to a letter. And those which acted as a supplement only were assigned as a letter break. Then, I ordered them chronologically.

      It was only when I was almost one-fourths done when I realized how I will write the ending. :)

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    4. Wow, talagang planado mo na pala ang mga isusulat. Hehe.

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    5. Yes, para hindi messy. Gusto ko kasi organized. :)

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  3. Masaya ako sa naging ending ng love story nyo..

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    Replies
    1. Parang hindi naman ata? *hehe* Biro lang. Salamat Rix. :)

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  4. Wait. Di pa tapos ang kwento kasi di ka pa out sa dad mo!

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    Replies
    1. I think may idea na naman siya, confirmation na lang ang kulang. So if ever man na tanungin nya ako ulit at umamin na ako, hindi na siguro magiging big deal. But we'll see. Hindi ko din naman sigurado ang hinaharap. Thanks for pointing this out though. :)

      Delete
  5. Hingang malalim Jjampong...

    This made me smile, me and Ace are both soldiers of love ahaha :)


    Affected pa rin ako pero in a super good way na hahaha

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    Replies
    1. Talagang may deep breathing Jjamps? *haha*

      Yan ang gusto kong effect. Keep smilin'. :)

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    2. oo naman ahaha...
      at dahil dito kakain ako ng 2pcs chicken joy with spaghetti bukas

      this calls for a celebration

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    3. Jollibee? Shit. My favorite. :D

      Magse-celebrate mag-isa? *haha* Pakabusog ka Jjamps.

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    4. yup Jollibee haha

      medyo nainggit din kasi ako sa binili kong fully loaded meal para kay BF eh ahaha, busog pa kasi ako kanina, ngayon lng nagutom haha

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  6. Replies
    1. Di pa yan final dapat. Yung susunod mo kasi na gagawin ay chinese letters/ characters naman. Around 50000 yun so mahaba haba pa ang alfabeto mo. Lol. Kaya magbabago pa dapat yang DP mo. Haha

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    2. Woah, 50,000 entries? Howmaygahd! *hahahaha*

      Delete
  7. I love endings. I always cry at endigs like this. :'(((((((((

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  8. sorry, sep. iyakin ako s ganitong ending e. ;(

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    Replies
    1. No problem FSOQ. Tears of joy ba yan? :) Tahan na...

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  9. Wow kapatid, nakakainspire naman. Hahaha! Sana maglast pa talaga till death! I wish u both well, at dahil jan magpapakalbo ako, lol

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    Replies
    1. Thanks kapatid na Anon. :)

      O sige ha, patingin ako kapag kalbo ka na. LOL

      Delete
  10. HAMPOGI NAMAN NG PROFILE PIC! TUXEDO MASK IKAW BA YAN? hahahaha

    I enjoyed the journey with in your stories :) I hope you still linger around and watch ours unfold

    Happy Anniversary!

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    Replies
    1. Oo. Hinahanap ko si Sailor Moon. Di pa kasi nya sinasauli yung eyeliner ko eh. *hahaha!*

      Thanks Seth. Yes, magpapakalat-kalat na ako. Ngayung tapos na ang alpabeto ko, may time na ko para mag-back read ng blogs nyo! Yeehe! Sinisimulan ko na yung kay Wickedmouth, tapos sunod yung iyo. Tapos kay KalansayCollector. And so on... :P

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    2. wow special mention pa ako. shet flattering. haha puro kalansay lang makikita mo run. char.

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  11. ganda.

    naibalik ang faith ko sa true love at fairy tale ending. chos. haha

    congrats. im so happy for you. we don't know each other personally pero i think you deserve this happiness. :) i just feel the love. hehe

    happy anniversary guys. :)

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    Replies
    1. Yan ang gusto ng fairy godmother ko eh. LOL

      Maraming salamat Kalansay. ;)

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    2. ipahiram mo nga sakin ang fairygodmother mo. ehehe

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  12. Happy to know it ended well.

    Nakakatuwa how these last several, somehow our histories intertwined. You, celebrating your third anniversary, while me, letting go of the past on the first year of our breakup.

    I hope you still write more stories. To be honest, the reason I was able to bring back some of my pasts is because I was reading yours.

    It's time I also look back at what life has been for me.

    Thank you for sharing your stories. Until your next blog entry.

    Mugen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are welcome JM. I am glad na kahit papaano ay nakatulong or naka-inspire ako. :)

      Nabasa ko nga yung 'Legacies' entries mo. Kaso hindi ako makapag-comment. Ni-disable mo ba? Hindi ko kasi mahanap yung link sa baba ng entries.

      Delete
  13. happy ending! yan ang kailangan ng maraming tao these days.

    it's nice to read one every once in awhile.

    today naman kami ni Kasintahan are celebrating our 40th month together. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks gillboard. :D

      Wow, nauna pala kayo sa amin ng 4 months. Nakakatuwa naman. Congrats ha! Stay in love. :)

      Delete
  14. i rarely read blogs. i really enjoyed this!! haha
    as in, simula talaga sa una hanggang dito, as in nagcram ako ng 3 days. mas inuna ko ito kesa sa work. #medyobadboy
    hahaha more stories please. :)

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    Replies
    1. Buti at napadpad ka dito Anon. :)

      Maraming salamat sa 3 days na inilaan mo para dito. Sana hindi ito nakasama sa work mo. *hehe*

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    2. actually, ngayon ako nagcram ng work. hahaha but it's ok. naging makabuluhan naman yung pagbabasa ko sa blog mo. i feel inspired sa stories mo. i really like the way you "write" your blog. haha pwede nang gumawa ng novel! hahaha

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  15. oh my... my birthday is march 23... la lang just sharing! Congrats! naka-Z ka na! ikaw na nagmamahal! ikaw na ang masaya! ikaw na! Ikaw na talaga!

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    Replies
    1. Magkalapit lang pala tayo Senyor. Aries ka din. :)

      Maraming salamat. Natanggap mo na ba ang email ko?

      Delete
  16. Ngayon ko lang nabasa ang blog mo...salamt kay Citybuoy, na favorite blogger ko. I started my shift reading your blog ang, starting from the Foreword page, down to the first letter,A, and after 5 hours, i reached letter Z, and i am in tears. Thank you for the good read Sepsep. It feels like ive known you for years, at sana maliit lang ang Dasma para makabangga kita, kayo ni Ace. After more than a year of this post, I hope both of you are celebrating your 4th year together. =) --Mon

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