Cheat Sheet

Warning: Reading this requires an open mind.

All of us have the tendency to cheat, one way or another. I dunno, that is just one of the many baseless assumptions I have in life. I feel like this is something that's innate in human behavior; an itch that can be controlled; an impulse that could be overrode; and an internal battle that can be won. All depending on one's sheer willpower.

Cheating, according to Ninjawords, is an act of deception, fraud, trickery, imposture, or imposition.

It may come in different forms; copying or utilizing a hidden note during examinations, rigging an election, submitting a plagiarized work as your own, falsifying crucial information, a dirty move in a match, manipulating cards in poker, using cheat codes in a video game, relying on the help of steroids as a strength enhancer during a sporting event, and many more. Some of these are light and only merit a disqualification or the like, while some are gravely punishable by law.

However, for this entry, I will tackle its involvement in romantic relationships.

Like its other forms, it is pretty much frowned upon. Although this isn't punishable by imprisonment—it is neither considered illegal nor criminal—most people consider it an abhorrent thing to commit. Aside from physical and verbal abuse, it is one of the worst things you can do to your partner. Being cheated on is very painful, you wouldn't believe the agony you'll experience from the nasty betrayal.

Before I continue, you may find the following as something detestable. I may not be very sure why I wrote this—maybe I would like to compose something different or something new that's never written before—but I warned you at the beginning, this is not for everyone. If you are expecting that I will criticize or malign cheating, well I'm sorry, but you are incorrect. Now, don't get me wrong here. I, myself, don't support cheating. I just think that if that is someone's cup of tea, then let them be, as long as it's their life alone that's being ruined. Live and let live, in other words. Well, unless it is being done to you directly, then I believe you should better go into berserk and kill some motherfuckers.

Well, it seems I have stretched out the introduction for too long... Therefore, without further ado, I present to you:

How to Effectively Cheat in a Relationship

1. Pick A Medium

Prior to starting your sinful fling, you should first, of course, find someone willing for a coitus. Where to look for it though? Through online dating sites? Inside dark bathhouses or seedy massage parlors? At the back of a bus? Among the tight crowd inside the MRT? Or in a dirty public restroom? The choices are numerous. The ballsier you could be, the hotter the encounter you might get in return.

Are you going for a carefully measured plan or just go with whatever fate's going to throw at you?

2. Formulate the Ideal Partner-in-Crime

What's your preferred 'fling mate'? A top or a bottom? Do you require an absolute hottie or would you just settle for someone average? A twink or a beefcake? Pick your preferred race, skin color, height, and weight. How about fetishes? A daddy perhaps? Someone married? Or maybe a high school or a college student?

Or will you rather go for anyone who's simply there, currently within your line of sight? Just go with the flow, to put it simply.

3. Informed Consent

Would you tell your chosen partner that you, as of this moment, are in a relationship with someone else? Or will you spare him the knowledge and just keep your mouths busy with kissing, licking, sucking, and moaning? Remember, no one fancies to look like a fool. Well, except for clowns maybe.

4. The Conducive Space

Your place or his? Oh, both are not possible? How about if you rent a motel room? Hmmm, too shy eh? Outdoors then? Or some concealed public place? Well, choose wisely. The best venue is somewhere you could do everything uninterrupted in full gear.

5. The Right Moment

Boyfriend is currently on an out-of-town trip? Or maybe he's at work or busy with an important activity or two? Timing is everything; it should be impeccable. Provide a sensible alibi, if necessary, to reinforce his trust in you. It's better to be safe than sorry. You wouldn't want to get caught red-handed, would you?

6. Safe or Bareback? Spit or Swallow?

Planning on entering the exit-door? Do it safe; use a condom.

Just oral sex? Do it safe; spit, don't swallow.

Nothing could bum your boyfriend out better than him discovering that you gave him an STD which you caught from someone else. Worse is if it's HIV. If that will happen to me, I'll kill you. No, seriously, who wouldn't?

7. The Other Ingredient

Would you like to mix in deeper romantic emotions? Are you going to take it to the next level by developing some feelings for your 'cheat mate'? Or maybe just befriend him or make him a godfather of your newborn kid? Or will you stick to the original plan of just having pure carnal lust? Attachments beget complications, you know.

8. Maintaining the Secrecy

This one requires one very important factor. And that factor is conscience. The thing is you mustn't have any. How are you suppose to contain your secret if that still small voice keeps on bugging you? It could eat you inside out. The first instance it appears, extinguish it immediately. Because if you don't, you might soon find yourself wide awake at nights, thinking of the wrongdoing you've done. That is one sure way to lose some weight, I tell you.

Also, there is a possibility for your secret to remain undiscovered until your confession on your deathbed if you'll follow two important things. First is if you inform your cheating partner about your current relationship, as I said in number 3. At least, he would understand the situation better because he's aware of the fact that he's an accomplice. Second is if you avoid any attachments whatsoever, as I stated in number 6. It wouldn't be wise to multiply the black thread that connects you to him. It would be best if you keep it minimum.

9. The Choice for Repetition

Permanence versus transience. Did you enjoy it so much that you would like to do it again? You aren't satisfied with doing it only once? Oh, okay, you picked the first of the two then. Maybe next time, you could do it bolder or more creative. One day, you could become the king of all cheaters, with a crown made out of dildos and a silicon cape made from recycled condoms.

***

There you have it! I hope you'll find the above as useful as an atlas in an old, dusty library. If you're gonna, then use this well.

Before I end this though, please let me ask you a couple of questions... First, are you willing to do so much effort just to have a taste of another meat, which could either be different than or the same of what you're currently having? I'm telling you, the former might either be better or worse than the latter. It's trial and error, which is kind of a gamble. Second, can you really put your relationship on the line for something risky like that? Hypothetically, do you think it would be worth it?

If one of your answers is a no, then you better think twice. You may not be that kind of person. It would be best if you'll have a talk with your partner. Be open; discuss your thoughts and feelings. There might be a way for you to fix this—to banish your urges to cheat—with his help. Right the wrongs. Your relationship might have several rusted hinges that need some greasing. Who knows, this may even strengthen your relationship. As per the popular motto, honesty is the best policy.

If your answers are all yes, then go ahead. Enjoy it until you're full. Just remember one thing though, be responsible for everything you'll do. If you are caught, then be a fucking man. God gave you a pair of balls for a purpose; this is a perfect time to use them. Don't put the blame on something or someone else other than yourself. Nothing is worse than a wimp who cannot own up to his awful actions. Prostitutes are of much greater respect than these cowardly cheaters. And also, if you can still feel an ounce of guilt from your already-burning soul, ask for forgiveness. Don't you dare be the one who would even have the guts to be proud, you bastard. You hurt someone, particularly a person who loves you. They deserve some remorse from you; show it in one way or another. If you cannot, then I hope you'll perish in hell for all eternity.

Anyway, happy cheating! Or not...

"I would prefer even to fail with honor than win by cheating." ~ Sophocles

I would prefer even to fail with honor than win by cheating.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/cheating.html#gbrJgTkLxBtSTsRF.99

I would prefer even to fail with honor than win by cheating.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/cheating.html#gbrJgTkLxBtSTsRF.99