"Sepsep?" he called, knocking softly.
I quickly abandoned my laptop and went to answer the door.
It was Chris, my best buddy in college, leaning at the doorway, looking glum. He's mestizo, a little hairy, and has a flawless complexion. He's got round eyes, partnered with a well-proportioned nose and pink virgin-like lips. His body is of average size with some traces of baby fat. Some people say that his angelic looks are a waste because of his height. He's short, standing at only 5'1". However, in my eyes, this made him much cuter and more irresistible. He's quick-witted (unlike me), funny, and very loyal. For me, he's the perfect guy.
The first time I saw him one year ago, I immediately had a crush on him. We were group-mates on our practicum, and he was my constant partner during patient rounds. We have the same interests, like video games, horror movies, and American T.V. shows, so it didn't take us long before we became very close. We have so many things in common, except for one: he likes pechays, I like talongs. Yup, he's pretty much straight, so imagine my disappointment. Unfortunately, in spite of knowing this, I didn't do any measures to suppress my feelings. The more I spent time with him, the deeper I fell. One day, I just realized I was already in love with him. Damn.
A few hours earlier, I was busy in my apartment, packing up my stuff. It was the start of our summer break after our junior year, and I was planning to spend it in Cavite. I was almost done when I received an SMS from Chris saying, "Tol nasa apartment ka pa ba? Punta sana ako. May dala akong alak."
"Ano na naman kayang problema nito?" I murmured, then I hit the reply button and said, "Dito pa ko. What's up?"
"Si Jess kasi... Pwede bang bukas ka na lang umuwi?" he asked.
Jess was his girlfriend of 5 years. Lately, their misunderstandings became frequent; they fought more often. Judging from his message, I sensed something serious had occurred.
"Oks. Walang problema. Para sayo tol," was my reply. *hihihi*
Going back to the present, he proceeded to my bed after handing me a heavy plastic bag. Inside were 3 bottles of Gran Matador. Fuck. I ain't a hard drinker.
I gave him the first shot. He took it without further ado. I wanted to begin lightly, so we only made small talk. Our recent final exams, the instructors we deeply hate, and our last hospital duty for the semester.
We consumed the first bottle while conversing about other random things. Chris was obviously tipsy now, so I asked, "Ano palang problema tol?"
This instantly shifted his mood. From being bubbly, he became dead serious.
After a minute of painful silence, he answered in a low voice, "Putangina nyang si Jess eh... Tuloy na tuloy na talaga ang pag-migrate nila sa Canada."
"Oh. Akala ko ba napag-usapan nyo na yan? Matagal ng plano ng pamilya nya yan di ba?" I reminded.
"Oo, pero ang usapan namin, walang hiwalayan! Na susubukan namin i-work out ang relationship namin kahit long distance," he said, raising his voice.
I remained quiet and just poured him a glassful of brandy.
"Ang de puta, nakipaghiwalay kanina! Kesyo daw hindi nya kaya ang ganon. Most likely, magfe-fail lang daw. Eh putangina nya pala eh! Ang sabihin nya, ayaw na talaga nya!" he continued.
*tsk tsk* Second stage of grieving: Anger. He's now devilish, asking for more booze, and I was already tipsy as well. I had to keep it controlled because Chris gets literally crazy and wild when drunk.
"Baka naman magbago pa ang isip nya tol. Malay mo, makita nya na mali ang desisyon nya..." I said.
"Asa pa! Eh pano, trip nya yung classmate nyang varsity player! Porke't mas matangkad lang yon? Dami pa nyang dahilan! Pokpok siya... Nilandi lang siya, bumigay agad yung puke nya!" he yelled.
"Huy, wag ka maingay! Papagalitan tayo. Chill ka lang... Umandar na naman yang insecurity mo sa height mo. Sigurado naman akong mas gwapo ka dun tol. Kawalan na ni Jess kung ayaw na nya sayo. Eto, uminom ka na lang." I said.
His rants went on until we emptied the second bottle. I was now beyond tipsy, but I fought the dizziness. I should remain conscious and aware, since Chris was already drunk as fuck. He became suddenly quiet, as if deep in thought.
This was when I felt weird.
Somehow, his innocence and vulnerability were turning me on. I badly
wanted to throw myself at him, to comfort him in my arms, and to let him feel my love. But I resisted. As Chris bathed in his unstable emotions, I was having my own internal struggle. Self-control, Sepsep. He doesn't need you that way.
I snapped out of my reverie when I saw Chris searching frantically for something. Uh oh. This doesn't look good.
"Oi, anong gagawin mo?" I asked.
"Tatawagan ko si Jess. Kelangan malaman nya na hindi ko kaya... Kung kinakailangan magmakaawa ako, gagawin ko..." he said in slurred speech while dialing.
Shit! Third Stage: Bargaining! I sprang from my seat, reaching for his phone. He raised his hands, clearly putting up a fight. I jumped over him and tried to wrestled it out of his grip. My cock began to stir as he fidgeted under me. Oh my God. My body against his; it was ecstatic! I saw his pants getting loose because of all his squirming, revealing a portion of his white underwear and the top of his buttcrack. Fuuuuuck! I wished for that moment to never end. Seriously, even though it was very exhausting.
After several failed attempts, I finally won. I pocketed his phone and went back to my seat, not removing my eyes off him. He became mute again. I tried to appease the hard-on that was currently raging in my shorts, positioning it sideways so it wouldn't be obvious.
"Tangina, kung pwede lang sanang ibigay sayo to para ma-wrestling kita ulit..." I thought, but I dismissed it.
We were halfway on our last Gran Matador when he began to cry profusely. *sigh* Fourth stage: Depression. He was hugging one of my pillows, rocking back and
forth, speaking incoherently. He looked pitiful. I felt my heart
breaking as I watched him undergo this grief. That bitch... Look at what she did to Chris! She doesn't know what she gave up. That whore deserves to be gang raped! For almost an hour, he
wept while I sat in front of him. I didn't know what to do, so I just continued the shots until the last drop.
I couldn't believe that we drank all of it. I expected otherwise. I guess we really needed that, to aid us with our own heartaches. Chris was already in a state of silent delirium; he's lying down, staring blankly into the ceiling. I, on the other hand, was feeling extremely nauseous. The room was spinning, so I left our mess on the table and positioned myself beside him.
The silence was deafening as we lay idly. I glanced at him. His teary gaze was still fixed upwards. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, but I just pleased myself by basking at his handsome albeit solemn face. After that, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warm feel of his skin. I was starting to enter into stupor when I sensed him turn sharply; I was stirred. What I felt next was something I never expected, not in a million years.
Suddenly, his soft lips began to burrow torridly into mine. My eyes flew open. His face was contorted in an expression I couldn't fathom. I was frozen in shock. What the fuck?! Is this for real?! I grabbed his shoulders and tried pushing him away as I moaned in protest. In response, he gripped both sides of my head, locking our position and making it harder for me to move. Why am I resisting? I should be enjoying this! I tried to get up, but he overpowered me, pinning me down further using his weight. I was helpless; the nausea made me very weak. I couldn't think clearly anymore, so I let go and gave in to pure bliss.
To be continued...