A Flashback To That Chilly Morning

I was awakened by the coldness of the room, gasping for air. 

It was still a bit dark; the sun was yet to rise. I felt groggy. Hangover. Tangina. I sat up and examined my surroundings. Sepsep was lying facedown next to me. His shirt was stained with vomit and a pool of saliva was drooling from his mouth. I chuckled. He looked very wasted.

Suddenly, a blinding pain emanated from my right temple. I touched it and flinched. Pasa? Nauntog ba ko?

Then, I realized something was off. I removed the blanket covering me and I saw that I was stripped down to my underwear. My morning wood was bulging. Pucha, bakit wala akong damit? Kaya pala ang ginaw... What's more odd was the way I was wearing my briefs. The left side was lowered, exposing some of my pubic hair. I stood up and searched for my clothes, which I found scattered on the floor.

I glanced at Sepsep as I put my clothes on. I noticed that he, on the other hand, was fully dressed. It was so confusing. *ugh* Ano bang nangyari kagabi? Pinag-tripan ba ko ng mokong na to?

I tried to jog my memory about yesternight's events. I remembered crying, yes. I also remembered being wrestled. And lastly, I remembered kissing Jess. It was a very passionate kiss. One of the best I had. Pero paano? Pumunta ba si Jess dito after namin uminom? Ang weird. Imposible yun kasi nasa probinsya siya ngayon...

I checked the bathroom, foolishly hoping to see her inside. It was empty. Takte. Sinong hinalikan ko? Panaginip lang ba yon? Pero hindi... Totoo yun eh. Tandang-tanda ko pa yung naramdaman ko...

I stared once more at my sleeping friend, thinking hard. Then, an epiphany came. I found myself stepping backward, wide-eyed as I fully realized what really occurred. It was baffling. It was unbelievable... Or rather I refused to believe it. I felt my knees weakened as beads of cold sweat traveled down my face. Hinalikan nya ako! Sinamantala nya ang kalasingan ko... Si Sepsep, bakla? May nangyari ba samin bukod dun? Kaya ba ako nakahubad? Putangina! Chinupa nya ba ako? Hindi... Imposible... Pero bakit? Gawa ng alak? Normal lang ba na mangyari ang ganito?

I racked my mind for any homosexual behaviors that Sepsep might have displayed in the past, for signs which he might have shown that could indicate if he has romantic feelings towards me. I forced my brain to remember. More than one year's worth of memories flashed back inside my head. All those times I spent with him played like a movie in front of me. Oo, malambing siya at maalalahanin; hindi siya nakakalimot mangamusta; lagi siyang maaasahan pagdating sa mga pakiusap ko. Pero hindi ko naman nakitaan ng malisya kasi akala ko bromance lang yun or something. Member pa nga to ng frat at madalas mapaaway. Hindi... Hindi talaga pwede... Lalaki tong si Sepsep... Mali ang iniisip mo Chris...

However, try as I might, I couldn't really ignore the idea that was burning up inside me. It was eating me alive. I couldn't come up with a sensible explanation for what happened the night before. Right then, I could only think of two things: Sepsep is gay and he took advantage of me.

In a matter of seconds, the anxiety turned into rage. I looked at Sepsep with an unparalleled disgust. I was shaking violently as I clenched my clammy hands. I badly wanted to hit him, to cause him pain in exchange for what he did to me. But I couldn't move; my feet were rooted on the spot. I saw the empty bottles on the floor. I resisted the urge to grab one and smash it on his head. I was clearly a mess. I was anxious about what Jess would say if she learned about this. I was worried about what my family would think if they discover what had transpired. And I was afraid about what more would Sepsep do if I just let this pass.

The room was beginning to get brighter. I felt like I was standing there for hours. I couldn't take it any longer. I felt extremely weak. My head was on the verge of imploding from all the struggle, hence, without thinking, my feet started to move. I had to get away from that place as far as possible.

While in a trance, I bolted towards the door.

To be concluded...