Sixsikang Selfie

As far as I can remember, never ko pa yatang naipakilala ang sarili ko ng maayos. I feel na kahit yung introduction that I wrote at the beginning isn't really enough to help you paint an exact picture of my personality. Maybe you already know most of what happened in my life, but have no idea about me as a person.

The stories I tell, the experiences I share, and the opinions I give—well, I am much more than that.

Cliche nang maituturing na makita yung adjective na 'simple' sa mga slam books and self-descriptions, so I'm not gonna use it. I think wala naman talagang taong simple. Masyado lang pa-humble effect ang karamihan sa atin. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am actually a very complex individual. Sobra-sobra to the point na maski ako nalilito na.

Sa totoo lang, there are six people living inside me. Yes, parang may Multiple Personality Disorder lang. May mga times kasi na hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko. There are things I do that are clearly out of character, I make decisions that I wouldn't normally make, and there are behaviors that contradict the other ones I have. That's why 'yun lang ang naisip ko na explanation behind it.

Buti nga at anim lang sila e. Wag naman sanang madagdagan pa, juice ko. Feeling ko tuloy minsan, dapat na ko magpakonsulta sa isang psychiatrist. *hahaha*

Therefore, the reason behind this post is for you to know me better. So please, hayaan niyo muna ako ngayong maging self-centered. Mag-bubuhat muna ako ng sariling bangko. Don't worry, pagkatapos eh ilalapag ko rin naman 'yun sa sahig.

Anyway, without further ado, I present to you my 6 personae.


1) Geosef

The author of this blog, if hindi mo pa alam.

He's my artistic persona. The one whose creative juices are sky high. Arts lang ang hilig niya noon, so I had no idea na may skills din pala siya sa pagsusulat. I just discovered it nung sinimulan ko itong 'Alfabeto Della Mia Vita'. It actually came as a surprise to me.

Contrary sa inaakala niyo, Geosef is not my bad side. Oo, maalam siya pagdating sa sex, at kagagawan niya yung mga malalaswang kwento na mababasa niyo dito; always nag-uumapaw ang level ng libido niya kaya palaging tag-libog—parang rabbit lang, maya't-maya kumakadyot. However, the truth is I consider him my moral compass.

Nope, I'm not toying with you. Among the six, siya ang pinaka-mature mag-isip. I revere him for this. Being innately inquisitive, he's the one who collects all the knowledge and wisdom from my experiences in life, and the one who knows exactly what to choose between what is right and what is easy. Because of these, Geosef learned how to become just and reasonable.

He knows best ika nga; he's a great adviser. Siya yung madalas kumukuda whenever someone asks me for advice. When an obstacle presents itself, siya ang takbuhan ko. But unfortunately, most of the time, his words fall on deaf ears. I always fail to listen to him because of Jacob. You'll soon know why.


2) Jacob

The wicked.

Jacob is someone who is difficult to antagonize. Kahit si Geosef ay walang panama sa kanya. Masyado kasing competitive at dominant, palaging gusto niya ang dapat masusunod (*ehem* lalo na sa kama). Ang kakulitan niya sa pag-push ng gusto niya ay inversely proportional sa willingness niya na makinig. Uber pasaway at likas na matigas ang ulo; walang kwenta kahit hambalusin mo ng hollow blocks. Dahil dito, palaging siya ang panalo, sa kasamaang palad.

I don't really trust his choices, irrational kasi siya kung mag-isip. Being a risk-taker with a short-attention span, palagi lang sugod ng sugod without considering the situation beforehand. And then may tendency siya na madaling mag-sawa afterwards. May ADHD ata 'to.

But the worst thing about Jacob isn't his stubbornness. It's actually his pride. Ubod 'to ng taas, daig pa ang level ng libido ni Geosef. I think this is the main reason behind his personality. His pride is so enormous that it would be extremely difficult for him to swallow all of it in one bite, something that rarely happens, if at all.

However, may alam akong isang bagay na surebol tatalo kay Jacob. Sigurado ako dahil nagamit ko na 'to before against him. Wanna guess what it is?

It is love. Yep, that's right. Corny man, pero I can't deny that it's true. Ito ang matinding sandata ko against Jacob. Tried and tested nang maaasahan 'to.


3) AJ

The default.

This is my neutral self, yung laging nakaharap sa tao.

When meeting someone new for the first time, super mahiyain si AJ. Hindi masyadong kumikibo, nangingilala muna. Pero once na nakapalagayan na niya ng loob, nagiging makulit na siya at madaldal. Mahilig siyang mang-lambing, lalo na sa kanyang loved ones, and he values his friends a lot. Masayang-masaya siya kapag napapatawa niya ang mga ito using his sense of humor.

Isip-bata ang persona kong ito. Mahilig pa rin sa video games and anime hanggang ngayon. He's playful and energetic at times, especially towards his siblings and cousins.

Kung ano ang pagka-dominant ni Jacob, ganoon naman ang pagiging submissive ni AJ. People-pleaser kasi siya; he's not used to turn down requests or favors. Dahil dito, AJ hates confrontations. He finds them extremely uncomfortable and nerve-wracking. As much as possible, lagi niya itong iniiwasan. He always clams up whenever someone confronts him; hindi siya mapakali if alam niyang merong taong upset sa kanya. Hindi siya makakatulog ng maayos kapag ganon.

Geosef has the sound mind, Jacob owns the strong will, while he is left with the weak heart. *tsk tsk* Poor guy.

One more thing about AJ ay ang kanyang natatanging katamaran. Nag-uumapaw actually. Gusto niyo malaman kung gaano?

One time, nakahiga ako sa sofa at nanonood ng TV. Nung natapos ang paborito kong show, isang documentary about sa fungi ang sumunod. I tried to find the remote, but it was nowhere to be seen. So instead na tumayo ako to switch the channel manually (take note, the TV is only three feet away), tiniis ko na lang na panoorin yung palabas. Ako lang ang mag-isa sa bahay kaya wala akong matawag para utusan. Isang buong oras 'yun na tungkol lang sa kabute, por Diyos por santo.

Nung dumating yung isa kong kapatid from school, pinalipat ko sa kanya yung channel. Tinignan niya lang ako ng masama tapos biglang lumapit. Akala ko papaluin niya ako pero may inabot siya sa bandang ulunan ko sabay tinapat sa mukha ko. Pagtingin ko, hawak niya yung remote. Nginitian ko na lang siya at nag-'thank you'. I tried to search for it on that spot earlier, pero wala eh. Well, I guess hindi lang talaga ako nag-effort na maghanap.

Hayahay... Kapag nakasapi talaga sa akin si AJ, nagkakaroon ako bigla ng PhD sa pagiging couch potato.


4) Third

The simpleton. The complete opposite of Geosef.

Siya ang dahilan kung bakit madalas akong sabihan ng nanay ko na isang 'matalinong tanga'. Mabagal siya sa pick-up at mahina ang logic. Minsan, kahit sobrang obvious na, hindi pa rin niya ma-gets. To the highest level ang pagiging naive niya. *whew*

Bukod sa pagiging engots, may tatlong bagay pa akong ayaw kay Third.

Una sa lahat, mabilis siyang ma-in love. Pakitaan lang ng kaunting interes, madali na agad ma-fall. Kapag nangyayari ito, lagot na. Bago ko pa siya mapigilan, huli na ang lahat. Siya ang may kasalanan sa mga failed relationships ko. Epic fail.

Second ay ang tendency niyang maging obsessive. This is related to the first one, pero this attitude of his ay hindi lang para sa tao. Kapag may nagugustuhan siyang isang bagay, wala siyang ibang iisipin at ipe-pursue kung hindi ito lamang. This could be a double-edged sword, sa totoo lang. Like the time na na-obsessed siyang mag-aral ng Nihongo because of my Japanese cousins. Honestly, learning a new language could be useful din naman. For months wala na siyang ibang inatupag aside from studying it. Bumili pa siya ng books para makatulong. Kaso ang ending, wala rin masyadong nangyari. Nagsayang lang ako ng time and effort, tapos napagastos pa ko ng medyo malaki.

Pangatlo, may pagka-gullible; madali lang siyang utuin. He rarely analyze any piece of information he receives, and readily accepts them without second thoughts. Delikado ang trait na ito; very prone siyang maging victim ng isang modus operandi eh. Fortunately, that is yet to happen.

Pero kahit ganyan si Third, meron din naman siyang good qualities, lalo na when it comes to handling relationships.

Siya yung may hawak ng weapon na bukod tanging nakakatalo kay Jacob. Kapag sobrang in love si Third, maximized ang faithfulness niya. Maalalahanin siya at maalaga; he's fond of surprising and spoiling his partner with thoughtful gifts. He likes to see a smile across that face as much as possible. Todo-todo kasi siya kung magmahal, halos wala nang itinitira sa sarili. He never fails to allot a huge portion of his time, and he makes sure to give extra effort. Ganoon siya ka-devoted.

Truly, ignorance is bliss.


5) Silver

The weakling.

He is the embodiment of my low emotional quotient. Sa lahat ng personae ko, siya ang pinaka-emo, with bangs, eyeliner and all. Generally, malungkutin 'tong si Silver; madalas aloof, mababa ang self-esteem, at madaling maapektuhan ng criticisms.

His constant pessimism and anxiousness always hinder him to do things properly. He tends to focus on the worst outcome in every dilemma. In relationships, unlike Third's gullibility, sobrang hirap siyang magbigay ng buong tiwala. He has this habit of doubting things, and he rarely accepts something based on face value alone. Hindi ko nga mawari 'til now kung saan niya hinuhugot yung negativity niya. Dahil dito, madalas silang magkasundo ni Jacob.

He also has this weird penchant for misery, so he often ends up overcomplicating minor problems. Yung tipong kahit hindi naman dapat big deal ay masyadong pinoproblema. O di kaya kahit okay na ang lahat, hahanapan pa rin niya ng kung anong mali dito.

He has the tendency to embrace sadness instead of seeking the opposite. Kapag sobrang down, may pagka-suicidal din ng konti 'tong si Silver. Fortunately, he doesn't have the courage to act out his thoughts. *whew*

I consider him a weakness that has the potential to destroy me, so I need to learn soon how to control him.


6) Joan

Ah, here she is. The rose among the thorns. The one with the pechay. A fine example of a 'woman trapped in a man's body.

Joan is the personification of my homosexuality. Kung wala siya, probably hindi ako ngayon nagpapa-slide-slide sa isang shiny rainbow. At malamang mani ang naging paboritong kong pulutan sa kama.

Kinikilabutan talaga ako kapag naiisip ko yun. *brrr*

Kapag hindi active ang katamaran ni AJ (which rarely happens by the way), ang gumagana naman ay ang pagka-OC ni Joan. Hindi siya mapakali if hindi organized ang kanyang mga gamit. She becomes anxious when things don't go according to what was planned. There are instances when she prefers to do a given task alone, instead of asking others for assistance. If ever she is forced to cooperate with someone else, i-expect mo na na naka-antabay siya na parang buwitre for any mistakes her teammate might commit. Hindi siya ideal ilagay sa groupings sa totoo lang. Hindi ko alam kung saan ba nanggagaling ang high standards niya.

Imagine a bitchy girl na pa-sosyal, mahilig mag-complain, at judgmental. Ganyan exactly si Joan. Napunta na kasi yata sa kanya halos lahat ng kaartehan. Madiriin sa putik, takot sa mga insekto (lalo na sa spiders), allergic sa alikabok, mapili sa pagkain, at marami pang iba.

Kung gaano ang thirst for knowledge ni Geosef, ganon rin si Joan. The difference is, the former seeks for valuable information, while the latter is only interested in gossip. Chismosa at pakialamera si Joan; mas juicy ang chismis, mas happy siya. Ka-imbyerna lang.

Buti na lang, sa awa ng Diyos, hindi nahilig sa make-up at mga damit pambabae si Joan. Otherwise, malamang naging cross-dresser na ako. Di niya madaig ang pagiging straight-acting ni AJ, kaya hindi masyadong nagma-manifest ang pagiging maharot niya. Minsan lang, especially kung kasama ko ang aking gay friends, o kapag nakakakita ng cutie and yummy habang nagbo-boy hunting. *hihihi*


There you have it! That was indeed a mouthful.

Ngayon kilala niyo na silang anim, who do you like the most as well as the least?

Ako kasi wala. Wala akong favorite, at wala rin akong hate. I like them all the same. Though at first, I despised some of them, and there are times that I favor one over the other, but I eventually learned to accept and see all of them as equals. Their mistakes are my mistakes too, and their achievements are mine as well. I cannot influence any of them to change as much as they cannot bring forth change from one another. They have been like that since I acknowledged their existence, and will continue to do so until my dying breath.

They are me for I am them.

Tibi ipsi dic vere.