Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Letter Break 9 ~ If The Price Is Right

After ng maraming pilitan, finally ay pumayag din si Ace na i-share ang isa sa mga stories niya. Hindi ko na ito masyadong in-edit kasi baka mag-iba na ang kanyang writing style. So enjoy this as it is! :)


'He turned on his side to face me. “If I have to do this, it’s you I’d like to do this with.” He slowly ran his hand in my chest, then lower, and lower. I can feel his warm breath in my neck while I lie in my back on my side of the bed, with eyes closed, body tensed in anticipation. I can feel his body pressed to my side, his crotch starting to get hard as he slowly rubs it in my hips. This is really happening…'

I saw Jack the first time in some of Ross' Friendster pictures a year ago. At 19, he has that nice boyish charm, a great looking twink with expressive eyes and slightly bad boy mohawk hair. Pinoy na pinoy ang looks nya except for his nicely shaped nose. I can clearly see why Ross picked him to be his partner. Bagay sila although Ross is mestizo with a very smooth complexion, fat-free lean body, 6-pack abs, and great smile. Ross and I were never an item although he used to spend his weekends at my place and we have sex all the time. I don’t find him sexy maybe because he’s just too goodlooking and too smooth for my taste. When he met Jack at naging sila, understandably, di na pumupunta sa bahay si Ross. I didn’t mind. When I looked at their pictures, I can say na jackpot si Ross kay Jack. Jack is the package that I like in a guy – young, skinny, cute but not too perfect to the point of femininity. Yung sakto lang.

Trip trip lang, I added Jack in Friendster. Ross didn’t mind. Alam naman nya na di ko naman ugali manulot ng jowa. Minsan nakakapag short PM kami. Standard flow lang: Kumusta? Regards kay Ross. Namention na ako ni Ross dati. Ingat lagi. I hope to meet you in person someday.

A year later, like most of young lovers, they broke up. Ross has difficulty making himself exclusive. Jack was devastated. One night, he asked me to turn on my Skype video because he has no one else to talk to. Pagkakita ko sa kanya sa screen, naawa ako sa hitsura nya. Mugto ang mata at iyak nang iyak. He confided na despite the appearance of a happy couple that are so much in-love, they were fighting a lot due to Ross' infidelity. Ilang beses daw nya nahuhuli sa texts na may mga kalaguyo daw na iba ang isa. Worse, lahat eh random hookups lang. Ross even have sex with strangers sa mall restrooms pati sa MRT. Hala, kadiri naman yun. To make it even worse, si Ross pa nakipaghiwalay sa kanya. Aw, I don’t know what to say. Apparently, I don’t know Ross that much outside our weekend affairs.

I attempted to talk to Ross but he doesn’t want to talk about it. Yoko naman magpumilit. Di naman talaga kami close. I realized na sa haba ng pinagsamahan namin, the words we were exchanging are not plenty except yung madalas na ungol lang – kung matatawag na word yun. Si Ross ay FUBU ko lang. Wala akong alam sa kanya. Ang malas ni Jack.

So naging crying shoulder ako ni Jack. While he is coping with his recent heartache, I was always there. We chatted, we skyped, we talked over the phone. Daming episodes ng iyakan. Pero di ako napagod. Di ako bored. I actually enjoyed it. Kahit di pa kami nagkikita in person, mas madami akong nalaman sa personal na buhay nya kesa sa ilang buwan naming pagsasama ni Ross.

Months has passed, Jack is slowly recovering. Mas kunti na ang luha. Then unti-unti lumilitaw ulit ang kagwapuhan nya. Tumatawa na sya. I helped him. Before I knew it, I am falling for him.


We can’t stay friends. I have to make a move.

I asked him to meet me for coffee. Like a date? No, just friends hanging out.

From QC, he took the MRT to Pasay. I took the bus from Cavite.

Coffee’s good. But I don’t care. I just can’t stop staring at him from across the table. How can Ross let go of this guy? He is the type of man I am waiting to fall in love with. We might look like an odd couple – a 27-yr old guy in poloshirt, jeans, and leather shoes with a 19-year old mohawk twink in The Martian t-shirt, skinny jeans, and lo tops. But I like him beyond his looks. He is smart, he can carry a conversation with a guy who is 8 years his senior.

We talked about everything – weather, family, work, school, Ross. The latter is a sad topic. But there are no tears. Just regrets. The things he did for Ross. The things Ross ignored. I can tell Jack is a faithful guy. He never looks at other guys, not even a glance kahit madaming gwapo na naglilipana sa MOA. I asked him about it and he said he’s not that type. He really wants a serious deal with someone.

First meeting. HE IS A KEEPER.

Second meeting, we did things that he enjoys doing – video games and arcade. I did not enjoy it at all. I don’t like those zombies jumping out at me. But I like watching him having a great time. I like watching him smile, chuckle, and stomp his feet at GAME OVERs.

A few hours later, we were sitting at the seawall of Manila Bay next to MOA, watching the red sunset. After mastering enough courage and thinking this is the right moment, I told him I am falling in love with him and I think he is the right man I was waiting for. His looked at me, his face sad like he just heard a bad news. “Sorry Ace, I don’t feel that way. You are a great guy and I like you but can we just be friends? I intend to stay single for awhile after being hurt recently.”


I was raised in the belief that I can have anything if I want it badly enough and I am willing to work hard for it. Hell, despite being born poor, I graduated valedictorian in highschool and Cum Laude in Mechanical Engineering after surviving years depending in scholarships!

I am not stopping over a single NO. I will show Jack that I am worth a thousand Ross.

I brought my game to the next level. I took him to nicer places to eat. Yung tipong buhis buhay ang gastos. We hang out more frequently. Nakabakod na ako kay Jack. Sinigurado ko na hindi na sya makalingon sa iba. But everytime I bring out my feelings for him, his answer did not change.

“Sorry Ace, we are just friends.” Grabe. Ansakit. So di ba dapat tumigil na ako? Pero hindi. Gago lang.

So I also bought him things everytime I travel outside the country – from chocolates, to shirts, to keychains, to watches, etc. Grabe talo ko pa ang nanliligaw sa babae – which is not this hard based on my experience when I was in college! Aba, may napapasagot ako dati padalhan ko lang tula! But Jack just thanked me and told me I don’t have to give him anything.

So the courtship went on without even a hint of success. There is one time that I tricked him on spending a night with me in a hotel. Di ko na maalala ang exact reason pero something na hindi sya pwede tumanggi. Akala ko baka pag kami na lang sa isang kwarto, magbago statement nya. I even convinced him to strip naked and join me in the bathtub. Pero kahit nakahubo na kami at nakaharap ako sa kanya at ilang signal na ang pinadala ko, he was ignoring the possibility of a passionate sex! Feeling ko talaga nagtampo ang bed at ang kwarto nang gabing iyon. Kami ang first couple siguro na nagstay dun na walang nangyari!!! Pucha naman, kahit bestfriend ko siguro papatusin ko sa kalamigan ng gabi nung time na yun. Pero wala!

Then reality sets in. There is no way na mapasaakin ang lalaking eto. Wala syang nararamdaman sa akin at di sya nag iinarte lang. Di talaga nya ako type kahit maglupasay man ako sa kalye. Di pa ako nabasted. Ganito pala pakiramdam.

So dapat move on na lang. Ang problema, ansakit. Nakaka-miss sya. Nakakabaliw. Ang formula ko in the past para makalimutan ang gusto kong kalimutan ay mag isip ng mga di magagandang bagay about him. Para may dahilan magalit.

Pero wala akong maisip. He’s a good guy. Di naman nya ako niloko in any way kasi umpisa pa lang, sinabi na nya sa akin na di nya ako trip. Ako lang ang makulit talaga.

Di ko na-mention before that Jack has not finished college . Napatigil sa pag aaral on his second year dahil kinulang ng pera pantustos ang father nya. He wants to go back to school pero di din sapat ang kinikita nya as a barista sa isang sikat na coffee chain. May utang pa sya sa school so hindi nya makuha transcript of records nya to transfer to another cheaper school.

One day, he told me na isasanla nya muna PS2 nya for P3500. He must be needing the money so bad na he is willing to let go of his most precious na pag-aari as a gamer. Maliit na pera lang ang 3500 at alam ko na given his current situation, baka mauwi lang sa remate ang PS2 nya pag iba kumuha. At least ako mas lenient. So I offered na ako na kukuha if ihahatid nya sa Cavite ang unit.

Dumating sya the next day. QC being too far at rest day naman nya, I offered that he spend the night at my place. We hang out and we chat like we always do.

Then before midnight, we decided to go to sleep. In my bed, we talked about mga problema namin sa buhay at that time na mahirap lusutan – him being broke and me being in love with him.

Then I got an idea.

We can actually help each other out.

“Jack, you know I am still inlove with you. You are someone that I want so much that can’t be mine. What if I give you a proposition. I am willing to pay for it.”

He looked at me. Not saying anything but I know I got his attention.

“We are friends for a long time now. But you are more than a friend to me. You are also an obsession. The more you turn me down, the stronger my desire is.”

“Ace, I know where this is going. Di ako pokpok.” He sounded hurt.

“Sorry. But please just hear me out. By agreeing to this, you are helping me get over this obsession. In return, I will give you your P3500 and not take your PS2. You won’t owe me anything. On the other hand, we are friends just helping each other."

“We will not talk about it in the morning. We will not mention this again ever. Just give me tonight.”

“I don’t know. I just don’t have sex with anyone that I don’t love.”

“Make me your exception. Just tonight.”

He was silent for awhile. I started to think that he fell asleep. I don’t know for how long did silence stretched between us.

He sighed.

He turned on his side to face me. “If I have to do this, it’s you I’d like to do this with.” He slowly ran his hand in my chest, then lower, and lower. I can feel his warm breath in my neck while I lie in my back on my side of the bed, with eyes closed, body tensed in anticipation. I can feel his body pressed to my side, his crotch starting to get hard as he slowly rubs it in my hips.

This is really happening…

He grabbed my hand and guided it inside his boxers. My throat went dry. I felt like I am touching a cock for the first time. I had fantasized this many times so I am very tensed, my heart is racing. I had seen him naked before in the bathtub of a cheap hotel but I never saw him erect. I am not exaggerating when I say that in my 27 years, he has the biggest pinoy cock I have ever touched. I can barely wrap my fingers around it. Sulit ang P3500 ko!

I turned my face to him. His eyes are closed, his breath shallow. I inched my face closer to his. He is very handsome. I am about to kiss his lips when he opened his eyes. Realizing what I am about to do, he said, “Let’s not kiss.”

Fine. Let’s go straight to business then. I slid down until my face is in the same level of his crotch. I pulled down his boxers and stared at his huge dick. Anlaki talaga. I did not lose time admiring him and started sucking it. He groaned. Di ko alam, mukhang ansarap tingnan sa porn ang malalaking titi pero ang hirap pala nyang isubo. Just few minutes and ngalay na ang panga ko.

Bumalik ako sa dating pwesto ko and guided his hand to my boxers din. He gently stroked my already hard cock. I asked him to suck me too. But he shook his head, “I am not sucking your cock.”


Fine. So I just jerked my cock and he jerked his. I didn’t take my eyes off from his cock while I am jerking mine. At least he’s got a well-endowed package even if the intimacy is horrible. A few minutes later, I saw his muscle tense and seconds later, his cum spewed out of his giant cock. Nice cumshot. My cum explosion followed.

We cleaned up. We pulled up our boxers. And said goodnight.

The next morning we woke up like nothing happened. I gave him the P3500 as promised. He thanked me and he left.

Now, maybe you think lowly of me for paying someone to have sex with me. I may appear desperate and stupid. Maybe you are correct. That may not be even called “sex” in some other people’s opinion!

But let me tell you this. That day, for P3500, I bought my freedom. For a small amount, I was able to:
  1. Slap myself with reality that Jack doesn’t love me. At all. Nor he has any sexual desire towards me. Nada. Zero.
  2. Save more money for dates and presents that are pointless in the hope that my money will impress him.
  3. Save precious time that I could have spent searching or waiting for the next possibility.
  4. Understand that big cocks doesn’t mean great sex. I’m sure madaming tatango dito. Amen!
I never saw Jack again. We occasionally say hi through PM’s but we don’t talk that much anymore. He attempted to have deeper conversations just like what we did before but I just lose interest. I told him I am still moving on. What he didn’t know, I already moved on the moment he said, “Let’s not kiss.”


  1. Aw. The crazy things we do for what we think as love. At least he moved on. Weird lang how. Pwede pala yun.

    Funny, I thought nag pabottom ka ulet. Haha pareho kayo ni partner. After ng one time experience ayaw na. Haha. :))

    1. Ako din eh. Sayang pa din yung pera. *haha*

      Who said na ayaw ko na ? *hahaha* With the right top, I might do it again. *wink*

  2. I agree with FSOQ about the phrase "..crazy things we do for what we think as love" It was obvious that is was not love but just infatuation however, in the point of view of the person, he really believes that what he was experiencing is love. How cute. What we do indeed for what we think is right...

    1. Basta involve ang 'love', nagiging crazy tayo. *hehe*

  3. Replies
    1. Wala sa size yan, di ba Kuya Ed? Nasa performance pa din. ;)

  4. panalo ang kwento ni ace. hehe

    well don't worry i did not judge you when you offered him the money. siguro i might do the same to get over with the feeling. kasi ako gusto ko ng closure lagi so kung yan ang closure na makukuha ko at makakatulong sa akin para mag move on, i will pay for it too... literally if that what it takes to shrug the feeling.. hehe

    well at the end of the day, ikaw pa rin naman ang nanalo.

    he just lost a friend. :)

    1. Nung una kong marinig ang kwentong ito from Ace, I admit na I judged him; bumaba tingin ko sa kanya. But after some careful thought, naintindihan ko na yung gusto niya sabihin. ;)

    2. P3500 is a small price to pay. Thanks kalansaycollector. We cannot go back to being friends. We crossed too far over the line. :) But it was ok for me.


    3. tama naman ang ginawa mo ace. sapat na yun. hehe fly na! may sep sep ka naman na. yiiii. hihi

  5. That was an experience that was worth every peso. The cold harsh realization of unrequited love and a huge cock haha! :)

    I am yet to agree to number 4, I always make it a point that I make the most of what I have :)

  6. Boom! Haha Big Cocks = Hard sex

    1. Minsan talaga, mas okay pa din yung sakto lang. *hehe*

  7. The crazy things we do to keep us sane.

    But you know what's the most important thing you may have learned?

    It's that you can go the extra mile to make a guy happy.

    And that's what really counts.

    1. I always go after so many extra miles just for the person I love. Pero siyempre, sometimes, I also have to think of myself first. ;)

  8. Wait wait mukhang may hindi pa nakwento si ace! Hmm something missing

    1. Meron pa. :) I will probably ask Geosef to allocate another letter break for me soon.


  9. Wisdom is expensive but ignorance and denial could cost a fortune or even a lifetime of suffering. As we grow older, the definition of love graduallty changes-- from reckless decisions to satisfy that of physical pleasures to pleasing someone else to eventually practical choices of looking after oneself and companionship.

    It takes a while and definitely, the price is right.

    1. That was one hell of an opinion Yccos! Two thumbs up! :3

    2. Parang di ko maalala yung mga panahong nicocomment ko to ah... May pinagdaraanan yata ko nun! Bwahahaha...

    3. Yccos, I will quote you on this. Very well said. I have known and experienced love from the most shallow expression just to drop someone's pants for the night to as deep as giving up my greatest dreams just to be with that someone. It looks like this is one of those that are too cheap that it has a price tag. :)


  10. I remember reading a passage in the novel The Rule of Four, where a character there said that "Love Conquers All..." or something like that. Can't really remember. But the thing is, love will help you conquer the heart of the beloved if Love fated you to be together with the beloved. But if you're simply the lover and Love never intended you for the person that you really like, you will never win against Love, because Love conquers and will conquer all. It is invincible. One might as well give up trying. But our human nature conditioned us to become stubborn souls.

    Anyway, aren't you a bit bothered posting something about your partner's past?

    The Ross guy is really something eh. Hanga talaga ako sa mga taong may guts to sleep around. I don't have the courage to do something like that. Due to my religious predisposition and my fear of any sexually transmitted disease, I think I would qualify in becoming a priest, or a bishop, or even become an immaculate pure saint. hahaha!

    Ah the things people would do out of desperation... It's really unbelievable. I don't want to be judgmental or preachy. Namamangha lang talaga ako sa human nature.

    1. Wow, that is a mouthful Mr. Tripster. I had to read it again. :) I think you are right on what you said about Love's absolute power. You will only win when Love wants you to win. Sometimes love is just a cruel bitch that lets you celebrate and bask in your victory while silently waiting for its time to crush you and make you bleed. It will laugh in your face while you lay there cold with your arms empty and your heart longing. Not related to this story but what you said somehow spoke of my current reality.

      People do crazy things in desperation. They will forget who they are and what is the right thing to do. What matters is just to end the suffering.


    2. Nope, hindi naman ako bothered Mr. Tripster. I learned to accept Ace's past.

  11. Php3500 may be costly for a one night temporary happiness but it leads to many realizations in life. That night was a life changing for him sa umpisa medyo hirap na maccept pero eventually nakayanin din naman di ba?
    Love moves in mysterious ways while money moves everything else.

    1. Gustong-gusto ko yung quote mo na yan Kuya Ramil. :3

  12. I did not spend P3500 for a night of happiness. I spent it to buy a cure against a long-term obsession over someone I couldn't have. Yes, it was a great realization.


  13. There are just some things that cannot be ours even if we beg, even if we pay. What matters most is that you never lost the most important thing in the world after everything: your self.


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