Where The Road Forked

The ride home had been spent in complete silence. We traveled by bus, Ace occupying the seat beside the window while I sat next to the aisle. He kept staring outside most of the time, only looking at me twice: once while paying the fare and the other while finally getting off at our stop. Then, we walked towards his house in the same manner. It was extremely unsettling.

All the while, in my mind, I was lost in my own thoughts, exerting my brain to give me a solution to the problem currently in front of me. I forced Uno out of my consciousness, and tried to focus on who is with me at the moment. Things should already be over between Uno and me, so there's no point for him to linger in my mind any longer. I must make it up to Ace. I have to fix this new rift that I made. After turning my back on Uno, I couldn't bear to lose Ace too. It wasn't my intention to continue on empty-handed.

As soon as we entered the house, Ace threw himself at me, kissing me torridly with much heat and passion. I returned the intimacy with the same intensity. In a matter of seconds, we were already naked, our sweaty bodies on top of each other. His tongue wandered thirstily, licking everything he could reach. I squirmed uncontrollably when he reached my nipples, sucking them like there's no tomorrow. By the time his mouth had enclosed my rock-hard cock, my moans were overflowing with ecstasy. That moment, we became wild animals with all inhibitions lowered. His intense longing for my flesh was evident with the way he made love to me. 2 weeks of not being able to see each other overtook the stress that we were currently facing. We lost ourselves in each other's embrace.

After the ardent foreplay, he went on top of me, straddling my crotch, my dick already lubricated with his saliva. He kissed me again as he began to move up and down. I could feel his warmness as I slid in and out of him effortlessly, his hole hungrily devouring my length. The sensation was all too familiar. We changed positions. Ace went down on all fours, I rode him and fucked his brains out dog-style. I hugged him from the back, kissing and licking his ears and neck as I pumped my cock deep in his ass. In minutes, I was depositing my seed inside him. Our moans rose in unison as he felt my warm juice exploding in his hole. I could easily say that it is one of the hottest fucks we've ever had. Knocking us out, it drained all the remaining energy we have for that day. We fell in deep slumber soon after, arms around each other, not bothering to clean up.

We awoke hours later, still naked and entwined in each other's embrace. Ace smiled at me, kissed me, and whispered, "I love you very much, Sep. More than you think you know..."

Pain shot through my heart. I just stared at him, unable to answer. I was unsure of myself, but Ace ignored that and still continued to give me that warm smile. The moment was becoming unbearable, so I remove myself from our intimate embrace, got off the bed, and went straight to the bathroom without looking back. I opened the shower and drowned myself in the cold water, too numb to feel anything else. Ace followed and we bathed together in silence. I finished first, dried myself up, donned a fresh pair of shirt and boxers, and went downstairs to watch T.V. in the living room.

I dozed off while waiting for Ace to finish. When I opened my eyes, he's already sitting beside me, the T.V. was turned off. Deep concern was painted on his face.

"Are you okay, Sep? You look troubled kanina," he asked. He stroked the left side of my face and fixed my hair.

I looked at him straight and said, "Ace, kanina kasi... Kanina habang nagse-sex tayo..."

"Ano 'yun?" he said with bated breath.

"Kanina, habang ginagawa natin lahat ng 'yun, mukha ni Uno ang nasa isip ko... Mukha niya yung lumalabas sa tuwing pipikit ako..." I admitted, extremely ashamed. "I think may ibig sabihin 'yun, Ace..."

"So what's on your mind?" he asked. He was trying to keep his composure, but I know that, deep inside him, it was like a thousand knives have pierced him simultaneously.

"Naalala mo ba yung sinabi ko kanina about dun sa pag-iyak ko kila Kim? The one I consider as the worst cry I had so far?"

"Yes."

"Nung una, akala ko kaya ako umiiyak ng ganon ay dahil sa hindi kami pwedeng magkatuluyan ni Uno. Dahil nanghihinayang ako sa kanya. Pero ngayon, na-realize ko na 'yung totoong dahilan, Ace," I said. "I cried like that because of two things... 'Yung una ay dahil sa galit na galit ako sa sarili ko... Galit ako kasi, deep inside, alam kong masasaktan kita. After all you've done for me, you don't deserve the pain that I'm giving you right now...

"Pangalawa, kasi napagtanto ko na... Na..."

I paused, taking a deep breath. I have to say it. I must be brave. This is it. There's no turning back after this.

"Ace, napagtanto ko na hindi na kita mahal kagaya nung first half ng relationship natin..."

He moved his hands away from me. "Gaano ka kasigurado na 'yan talaga ang nararamdaman mo, Sep? How can you be so sure? Baka naman nabibigla ka lang..."

"Kasi nung hinalikan ako ni Uno, wala akong naramdamang guilt pagkatapos... Di gaya nung may nangyari sa amin ni JP, na nakaramdam ako agad ng guilt habang ginagawa namin mismo yung kasalanan. And yung kiss namin ni Uno, wala ni isang patak ng guilt. At it also crossed my mind na ilihim sa'yo 'yung nangyari—alam mo naman kung gaano ako ka-honest sa'yo, di ba? I cried because I know that these feelings signify something serious, something bad..."

Ace remained quiet. He was staring at the floor now, fresh tears flowing down his face again.

"Yung affair with JP, I think that's the earliest sign of my falling out of love with you. Pero dahil sa natatakot akong mawala sa akin yung mga kung anong meron tayo, dahil sa natakot akong maging mag-isa ulit, I begged for a second chance, not thinking that my love for you is not as strong as it was before. Forgive me, Ace. Forgive me for not telling you sooner..." I continued.

He cried and cried and cried that afternoon. My heart and my guts twisted inside me with every sob from Ace. I watched him helplessly as he broke down into pathos. After half an hour, he cried some more, and I just sat there beside him, trying to soak myself all his despair. I wallowed in the sounds of his pain until I, myself, was already crying as well. Our voices synced and created a heartbreaking symphony. We cried and cried and cried into exhaustion. We let all our tears out 'til we can no longer produce them.

More than an hour later, Ace finally spoke. His voice was calm; his face, soft and caring. "Sep, sa mga sinabi mo, klaro na ang lahat. Now, you'd have to make a decision. Si Uno ba o ako? Sino ang gusto mong nasa buhay mo mula ngayon?"

I was stunned with what I heard, and it must have been evident in my face.

"C'mon Sep, alam kong nung isang araw mo pa iniisip 'yan. You'll have to make this decision later, if not soon. No one can love two people with the same intensity at the same time. Alam mo 'yan. There can be only one, Sep... I'm giving you one week to decide. Siguro naman enough na 'yun. When you leave here, I want to you to start thinking. Think hard, Geosef. I trust you'll choose who you think is the right one..." he said. I sensed some doubt in his voice, but I know that he was trying to be brave.

I believe this is the most difficult fork I have encountered in my life so far. Is there such a thing as a 'right one'? Fuck. Please kill me instead.

To be continued...