tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40173003211638300982024-03-14T10:37:40.501+08:00Alfabeto Della Mia Vita~ LIFE ~ LOVE ~ LUST ~Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.comBlogger91125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-22800385963879271332021-05-18T09:26:00.000+08:002021-05-18T09:26:31.000+08:00Ako, Ikaw, Tayo<p><b>Ako</b> </p><p>Hindi ko alam kung masasabi ko bang masaya ako sa buhay bago kita nakilala, pero tanda ko pa yung mga pagbabago nung sa wakas ay sinagot mo na ako. </p><p>Tila mas maliwanag ang mundo, mas maaliwalas ang paligid, at mas sariwa ang hangin. Yung mga problemang madalas kong iniisip at inaalala ay parang hindi na ganoon kabigat. Napagtanto kong may mga bagay na dapat nang iwan sa nakaraan at hindi na bitbitin. Mas naintindihan ko yung konsepto na ang madali ay panandalian lamang at ang mahirap ay maaaring panghabambuhay.</p><p>Naalala ko nung isang beses na tinanong mo ako, "Paano lilipad ang mga saranggola kung hindi ibabato sa hangin?" Naglaro ang iyong tanong sa aking isipan. Hinanap ko ang sagot pero tanging isang ideya lang ang aking nakuha. Ako ang saranggola, ikaw ang hangin, at yung sinulid ang pagmamahalan natin.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Ikaw</b></p><p>Madalas nila akong tanungin nang may panghuhusga, "Bakit siya?" At ang lagi kong sagot ay, "Bakit hindi siya?" </p><p>May mga bagay na hindi sila alam tungkol sa iyo. Sa akin mo lang kasi pinapakita. Ngunit mabuti na rin 'yon, sapagkat alam kong hindi nila maiintindihan. Ikaw, gaya nila, ay parehong mabuti at masama. Na ang pagkatao mo ay hindi base sa kung paano ka nila nakikita, kundi sa kung paano mo pahalagahan ang iyong sarili. At iyon ang natatanging bagay na nagpapabatid sa akin na ikaw ang para sa akin.</p><p>Naalala ko nung bago tayo magdiwang ng ating ikalawang taon, pabiro kitang tinanong, "Kung maaari ba tayong magpakasal, papayag ka?" Napatingin ka at napangiti. "Oo naman," ang sagot mong walang pag-aalinlangan. Ang katapatan sa iyong mga mata'y nagparamdam sa akin na magiging maayos ang lahat.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Tayo</b></p><p>Wala na.</p>Sepsephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08460312460223035946noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-24930416721264701132017-07-06T11:25:00.001+08:002017-08-17T20:47:16.888+08:00Final Letter Break ~ Ang NawawalaIt has been, uhm, what? 2 and a half years now to be exact? Yet reading again the stories I have written here takes me back like it was just yesterday. Realizing it just now, <i>na-miss ko pala ang magsulat.</i><br />
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
However, I know that this will be the last one.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As much as I would like to continue (or maybe just to finish the story about Uno and Ace), I can't. Aside from having a hard time in remembering most of the details, the thing is, I don't want to anymore. I'm letting the past buried where it should be. No more opening of wounds long healed.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The truth is... I fucked up.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I failed in being a writer because I made the ultimate mistake of letting the alternate persona that I created here affect my personal life. I have never learned. All the lessons I was bragging about before have only turned into a kind of hypocrisy which I have kept hidden since my previous post.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Uno was long gone. Ace was a skeleton I hate to see again. Another guy after them had also tried and failed. Now, I'm dating someone new. But he is not the reason for this sudden reappearance of mine.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Somehow, I believe that this blog deserves a proper end. A note that is way overdue. I would like to apologize for ruining everything. I am truly sorry for ending it the way I did more than 2 years ago. I only wish that I could have done more, that I could never stop writing. But I accepted right then and there my fate. I have already lost.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am not the same person as when I started this blog. I will never be that idealistic guy ever again; I believe I'm already too damaged to be him. Still, I am happy with a few things, like becoming good friends with several of my faithful readers.</div>
<div>
<br />
<i>Shet! 2017 na, ang drama-drama ko pa rin. Kairita! *hahahaha*</i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Anyhow, this is goodbye. Thank you very much for your time. I'm keeping this public so that you can revisit Sepsep and his adventures whenever you feel like it. Ciao!</div>
Sepsephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08460312460223035946noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-31234056568369220822014-12-05T17:52:00.000+08:002014-12-05T17:52:04.466+08:00Why We Broke UpJanuary 11, 2014 ~ Saturday<br />
<br />
I found myself, a week later, trudging the very familiar road towards Ace's house. With more than 3 years of using that road, I have already memorized all of its bends, corners, as well as cracks. The concrete was as rough as before and the shaded parts where trees are abundant felt as cool as ever. Oddly, however, it seemed much longer than the usual. Or maybe it was just me.<br />
<br />
The past week had been extremely nerve-racking. I had more stress and less sleep; I ate poorly and I ignored my usual grooming habits; I was often quiet, resigned; I looked like someone who's suffering from a terminal illness. It was not a very easy decision, the one Ace asked me to make exactly a week ago. I received not a single call and text from him. He gave me the space and time I need to think. But I misused them.<br />
<br />
Choosing between two people means having no interaction with both parties until you have made a sound decision. I failed when it comes to that though. As Ace remained silent the whole week, I had continuous conversations with Uno through phone. As the days passed by, I got more and more determined to choose the latter. It reinforced the idea in my mind that I no longer love Ace, and that it is Uno who I should focus from then onwards. I know I had been unfair. The fight had been totally one-sided.<br />
<br />
There's nothing more I wanted at that moment than to run away and
eternally seclude myself in a dark cave, where I can never hurt anyone
again. The burden of my decision continued to cut into me like a
well-sharpened knife, slicing me into a hundred unmanageable pieces. My
heartbeat got stronger and more pronounced with each step until I can
already feel every beat. My steps felt extremely heavy; lifting my feet
one by one was like an impossible task. My lungs refused to function properly. My eyesight seemed much more blurred than what it used to be. I
felt like fainting.<br />
<br />
Several grueling minutes later, I found myself face to face with Ace's front door, too anxious to immediately knock. My knees felt weak, like they could betray me at any given moment. My mouth and throat felt dry as I managed to shout, "<i>Ace? Ako to,</i>" after I was able to summon the courage I need. I have no idea how long I'd been standing there before I decided to call out. Everything was hazy as fuck.<br />
<br />
When Ace greeted me, he had on his face his signature warm smile. It burned through me like an intense heat ray, melting my insides and turning them into a sloppy mush. He was still on his usual sleepwear: a plain white shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. He looked quite sexy that morning. But I put the notion out of my mind; I didn't go there for that. He invited me in after giving me a quick hug.<br />
<br />
"<i>Breakfast?</i>" he asked. I nodded.<br />
<br />
By the time I reached the table, everything was already set. His signature fried rice topped with omelet and bacon bits looked delicious as ever. My favorite Taho (courtesy of our regular vendor) was on my favorite bowl, still warm and fresh. We began to dig in. I ate as much as I can, thinking that this would probably be the last time that I will have a taste of his cooking. In my mind, I know that I'm going to miss all of that.<br />
<br />
"<i>So how's your week?</i>" I asked.<br />
<br />
"<i>Okay naman. Tahimik, as you know,</i>" he said. "<i>Gumawa ako ulit ng PR account...</i>"<br />
<br />
I felt my eyebrows raised in surprise. "<i>Why? Anong ginagawa mo dun?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Wala lang. Naghahanap ng mga kausap...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Baka naman may napapunta ka na dito ha,</i>" I joked.<br />
<br />
"<i>Honestly, meron na nga...</i>" he said nonchalantly.<br />
<br />
I stopped chewing and said, "<i>What? Seryoso ka?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Oo, kagabi... Pero wala namang nangyari sa amin. Dinner lang dito tapos nagkwentuhan lang kami...</i>"<br />
<br />
Oddly, I felt no pain nor jealousy with what I just heard. It seemed that the idea of him inviting a stranger over does not bother me anymore. I was only surprised with how fast that action of his had been.<br />
<br />
"<i>Pero 'di ba binigyan mo pa ko ng one week para magdesisyon? Bakit naman nakipag-date ka agad?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Kasi alam ko na kung ano ang desisyon mo...</i>"<br />
<br />
I was taken aback. "<i>Paano mo naman nasabi 'yan?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Sep, kilala kita,</i>" he said, smiling. "<i>Kung ako ang pipiliin mo, hindi ka makakatagal ng ilang araw na hindi ako nagpaparamdam. After a day or two, nag-text o tumawag ka na agad sa akin. Eh kaso wala eh, wala akong narinig sa'yo for a full week... And that's when I knew.</i>"<br />
<br />
I froze, astonished with what he said. My mind was in a storm after that sudden realization. I remained silent for several minutes, finishing my plate. Ace did the same.<br />
<br />
"<i>Kumusta naman yung bisita mo kagabi?</i>" I continued.<br />
<br />
"<i>Okay naman. 18 years old</i><span class="st"><i>—</i>"</span><br />
<br />
<span class="st">"<i>What? Disiotso anyos? Ang bata naman yata nun, Ace.</i>"</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">"<i>Alam mo naman ang mga type ko di ba? Parang hindi mo naman ako kilala.</i>"</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">"<i>Hulaan ko. Maputi, payatot, matangkad... Mukhang member ng Chicser?</i>"</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">"<i>Sakto.</i>"</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">I chuckled. He did too. I shook my head.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">"<i>Ibang klase ka talaga... Ikaw na.</i>"</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">"<i>I'm lonely, Sep. I have to do something about it...</i>"</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">"<i>Don't worry. I'm not taking it against you. Naintindihan ko naman... Sabi mo naman, walang nangyari di ba?</i>"</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">"<i>Wala, promise.</i>"</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">Ace has a weakness for twinks, and I know he's lying about that; I saw it in the way he moved when he answered my question. I didn't mind though, so I let it pass.</span><br />
<br />
"<i>So this is it, huh? This is the end...</i>" I asked. "<i>How do you feel?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Medyo shit, if we're being honest. Pero I think I can manage... How about you?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Hindi ko alam exactly. Parang surreal na ewan. Eto na ang isa sa pinakamahirap na desisyon na ginawa ko, Ace...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>I know, I know... But you have to deal with it, Sep... You are brave when it comes to being honest, but you must be braver when facing the consequences of your actions...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Ace, for the last time, I am asking for your forgiveness. For us ending like this. For hurting you. For everything...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Sabi ko naman sa'yo dati, di ba? Hindi ka pa humihingi ng sorry, napatawad na kita,</i>" he said, smiling. "<i>Tandaan mo Sep, we are breaking up not because of Uno. We are breaking up because you no longer love me like you used to before. And we both know na if I still decide to fight for you, surely, matatalo lang ako, dahil hindi na talaga ako ang laman ng puso mo...</i>"<br />
<br />
I nodded. "<i>Maraming salamat, Ace. Thank you for being so understanding. I owe you so much more than I could be thankful for. Ibang klase ka... Kaya naman ako na-in love sa'yo ng sobra... Pero this proves that you only deserve someone better. Someone na hinding-hindi ko mapapantayan. Cliché </i><i>man, pero totoo...</i>"<br />
<br />
And just like that, I experienced the healthiest break-up in my life (so far). The moment was quite calm: no bouts of angry shouting, finger-pointing, and throwing of things; no violent outbursts and no more awkward tears. It was followed by a pretty lengthy conversation, which I had written earlier this year in the form of <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.com/2014/01/ikaw-ako-at-ang-paupahang-kwarto.html">an allegory</a>.<br />
<br />
Because of these, I thought things would be smooth sailing from then onwards. Little did I know that it was only the beginning of an incredibly harrowing year. If only I could turn back time.<br />
<br />
<u><i>To be continued...</i></u>Sepsephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08460312460223035946noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-17337763875871222982014-11-22T07:52:00.000+08:002014-11-22T17:39:47.389+08:00Where The Road ForkedThe ride home had been spent in complete silence. We traveled by bus, Ace occupying the seat beside the window while I sat next to the aisle. He kept staring outside most of the time, only looking at me twice: once while paying the fare and the other while finally getting off at our stop. Then, we walked towards his house in the same manner. It was extremely unsettling.<br />
<br />
All the while, in my mind, I was lost in my own thoughts, exerting my brain to give me a solution to the problem currently in front of me. I forced Uno out of my consciousness, and tried to focus on who is with me at the moment. Things should already be over between Uno and me, so there's no point for him to linger in my mind any longer. I must make it up to Ace. I have to fix this new rift that I made. After turning my back on Uno, I couldn't bear to lose Ace too. It wasn't my intention to continue on empty-handed.<br />
<br />
As soon as we entered the house, Ace threw himself at me, kissing me torridly with much heat and passion. I returned the intimacy with the same intensity. In a matter of seconds, we were already naked, our sweaty bodies on top of each other. His tongue wandered thirstily, licking everything he could reach. I squirmed uncontrollably when he reached my nipples, sucking them like there's no tomorrow. By the time his mouth had enclosed my rock-hard cock, my moans were overflowing with ecstasy. That moment, we became wild animals with all inhibitions lowered. His intense longing for my flesh was evident with the way he made love to me. 2 weeks of not being able to see each other overtook the stress that we were currently facing. We lost ourselves in each other's embrace.<br />
<br />
After the ardent foreplay, he went on top of me, straddling my crotch, my dick already lubricated with his saliva. He kissed me again as he began to move up and down. I could feel his warmness as I slid in and out of him effortlessly, his hole hungrily devouring my length. The sensation was all too familiar. We changed positions. Ace went down on all fours, I rode him and fucked his brains out dog-style. I hugged him from the back, kissing and licking his ears and neck as I pumped my cock deep in his ass. In minutes, I was depositing my seed inside him. Our moans rose in unison as he felt my warm juice exploding in his hole. I could easily say that it is one of the hottest fucks we've ever had. Knocking us out, it drained all the remaining energy we have for that day. We fell in deep slumber soon after, arms around each other, not bothering to clean up.<br />
<br />
We awoke hours later, still naked and entwined in each other's embrace. Ace smiled at me, kissed me, and whispered, "<i>I love you very much, Sep. More than you think you know...</i>"<br />
<br />
Pain shot through my heart. I just stared at him, unable to answer. I was unsure of myself, but Ace ignored that and still continued to give me that warm smile. The moment was becoming unbearable, so I remove myself from our intimate embrace, got off the bed, and went straight to the bathroom without looking back. I opened the shower and drowned myself in the cold water, too numb to feel anything else. Ace followed and we bathed together in silence. I finished first, dried myself up, donned a fresh pair of shirt and boxers, and went downstairs to watch T.V. in the living room.<br />
<br />
I dozed off while waiting for Ace to finish. When I opened my eyes, he's already sitting beside me, the T.V. was turned off. Deep concern was painted on his face.<br />
<br />
"<i>Are you okay, Sep? You look troubled kanina,</i>" he asked. He stroked the left side of my face and fixed my hair.<br />
<br />
I looked at him straight and said, "<i>Ace, kanina kasi... Kanina habang nagse-sex tayo...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Ano 'yun?</i>" he said with bated breath.<br />
<br />
"<i>Kanina, habang ginagawa natin lahat ng 'yun, mukha ni Uno ang nasa isip ko... Mukha niya yung lumalabas sa tuwing pipikit ako...</i>" I admitted, extremely ashamed. "<i>I think may ibig sabihin 'yun, Ace...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>So what's on your mind?</i>" he asked. He was trying to keep his composure, but I know that, deep inside him, it was like a thousand knives have pierced him simultaneously.<br />
<br />
"<i>Naalala mo ba yung sinabi ko kanina about dun sa pag-iyak ko kila Kim? The one I consider as the worst cry I had so far?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Yes.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Nung una, akala ko kaya ako umiiyak ng ganon ay dahil sa hindi
kami pwedeng magkatuluyan ni Uno. Dahil nanghihinayang ako sa kanya.
Pero ngayon, na-realize ko na 'yung totoong dahilan, Ace</i>," I said. "<i>I cried like that because of two things... 'Yung una ay dahil sa galit na galit ako sa sarili ko...
Galit ako kasi, deep inside, alam kong masasaktan kita. After all
you've done for me, you don't deserve the pain that I'm giving you right
now...</i><br />
<br />
"<i>Pangalawa, kasi napagtanto ko na... Na...</i>"<br />
<br />
I paused, taking a deep breath.<i> I have to say it. I must be brave. This is it. There's no turning back after this.</i><br />
<br />
"<i>Ace, napagtanto ko na hindi na kita mahal kagaya nung first half ng relationship natin...</i>"<br />
<br />
He moved his hands away from me. "<i>Gaano ka kasigurado na 'yan talaga ang nararamdaman mo, Sep? How can you be so sure? Baka naman nabibigla ka lang...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Kasi nung hinalikan ako ni Uno, wala akong naramdamang guilt pagkatapos... Di gaya nung may nangyari sa amin ni <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.com/2013/09/x-xenodochial-mistake.html">JP</a>, na nakaramdam ako agad ng guilt habang ginagawa namin mismo yung kasalanan. And yung kiss namin ni Uno, wala ni isang patak ng guilt. At it also crossed my mind na ilihim sa'yo 'yung nangyari—alam mo naman kung gaano ako ka-honest sa'yo, di ba? I cried because I know that these feelings signify something serious, something bad...</i>"<br />
<br />
Ace remained quiet. He was staring at the floor now, fresh tears flowing down his face again.<br />
<br />
"<i>Yung affair with JP, I think that's the earliest sign of my falling out of love with you. Pero dahil sa natatakot akong mawala sa akin yung mga kung anong meron tayo, dahil sa natakot akong maging mag-isa ulit, I begged for a second chance, not thinking that my love for you is not as strong as it was before. Forgive me, Ace. Forgive me for not telling you sooner...</i>" I continued.<br />
<br />
He cried and cried and cried that afternoon. My heart and my guts twisted inside me with every sob from Ace. I watched him helplessly as he broke down into pathos. After half an hour, he cried some more, and I just sat there beside him, trying to soak myself all his despair. I wallowed in the sounds of his pain until I, myself, was already crying as well. Our voices synced and created a heartbreaking symphony. We cried and cried and cried into exhaustion. We let all our tears out 'til we can no longer produce them.<br />
<br />
More than an hour later, Ace finally spoke. His voice was calm; his face, soft and caring. "<i>Sep, sa mga sinabi mo, klaro na ang lahat. Now, you'd have to make a decision. Si Uno ba o ako? Sino ang gusto mong nasa buhay mo mula ngayon?</i>"<br />
<br />
I was stunned with what I heard, and it must have been evident in my face.<br />
<br />
"<i>C'mon Sep, alam kong nung isang araw mo pa iniisip 'yan. You'll have to make this decision later, if not soon. No one can love two people with the same intensity at the same time. Alam mo 'yan. There can be only one, Sep... I'm giving you one week to decide. Siguro naman enough na 'yun. When you leave here, I want to you to start thinking. Think hard, Geosef. I trust you'll choose who you think is the right one...</i>" he said. I sensed some doubt in his voice, but I know that he was trying to be brave.<br />
<br />
I believe this is the most difficult fork I have encountered in my life so far. Is there such a thing as a 'right one'? <i>Fuck. Please kill me instead.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<u><i>To be continued...</i></u>Sepsephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08460312460223035946noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-62298035491313872792014-11-01T02:44:00.000+08:002014-11-01T03:51:31.182+08:00When To Tell The Truth"<i>Asawa kooooo! I missed you so much!</i>" Ace squealed upon seeing me. He was beaming from ear to ear, his excitement resonating out of him. I returned his smile but weakly. We hugged, feeling the intensity of his longing from the tightness of his embrace. His warmness only intensified my guilt.<br />
<br />
He must've seen it in my face because he asked, "<i>Are you okay? Para kang namatayan ah... Di ka ba excited na makita ako ulit?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Of course I'm excited. Pero kasi...</i>" I hesitated. I drew a deep breath, gathering up the courage I need. "<i>Can we talk, Ace? May kailangan akong sabihin sa'yo.</i>"<br />
<br />
His enthusiasm faded in an instant, being replaced with worry. "<i>Is there something wrong?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Pwede ba tayong mag-usap someplace else? 'Wag dito.</i>"<br />
<br />
He gave me a weird look. "<i>Sure... Let's have lunch while you're telling it. Magta-tanghali na rin naman.</i>"<br />
<br />
We hailed a cab going to SM Mall of Asia. During the ride, he reached for my hand to hold it, but he remained quiet. I guess I was lucky that he chose not to talk, because in my head, I was busy trying to construct my thoughts, racking my brains to decide how to tell him everything that had happened in his absence. I could feel his anxiety from his grasp, and it was unnerving. When we arrive, we chose Yoshinoya since it was the first restaurant we saw; both of us had already lost our appetite anyway. After getting our orders, we occupied the table in the farthest corner. We didn't want anyone to be eavesdropping. Fortunately, the place wasn't that much crowded.<br />
<br />
"<i>So Sep... What's going on?</i>"<br />
<br />
I couldn't look at him directly due to apprehension. It was like experiencing once more the events of <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.com/2013/09/y-yesterdays-guilt-todays-confession.html">March 2013</a>. It's hard to believe the possibility of it happening again, yet there we were. <br />
<br />
"<i>Kasi Ace, this is actually about Uno...</i>" I began. I could feel my body slightly shaking, unsure if because of the temperature of the room or because of the nerve-wracking tension inside me. "<i>Remember him? Yung kinuwento ko noong isang araw.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Yeah, 'yung crush mo? What about him?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Yes,</i>" I said. "<i>Ace, I think... I think I'm already in love with him.</i>" There was no way I could say it without hurting him, so I just let it out. "<i>I'm sorry, Ace... I know this will make you angry.</i>"<br />
<br />
Ace didn't answer. He just held his gaze at me, reading my movements. His face was unfathomable.<br />
<br />
"<i>Hindi ako galit. Confused, oo.</i>" he said after several minutes of silence. "<i>Sep, sigurado ka na bang 'yan talaga ang nararamdaman mo? Baka naman nabibigla ka lang?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>I dunno. Tingin ko oo.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>But how? Twice mo pa lang naman siya nakasama, di ba? Nung party na pinuntahan mo at nung niyaya ka niya manood ng movie. Mahal mo na siya agad after that?</i>" he quizzed. I could hear the sudden rise of emotion in his voice.<br />
<br />
"<i>Ang totoo kasi niyan, hindi lang 'yun 'yung times na nakita ko siya. Marami pang beses,</i>" I confessed. "<i>Hindi ko lang nasabi sa'yo...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>What? Are you kidding me?</i>" he said, incredulous.<br />
<br />
"<i>Let me explain, please...</i>" I asked. "<i>I will tell you everything.</i>"<br />
<br />
He looked pale now, his face was being drained of its color. I remembered the bright smile he had earlier at the airport. I would give up everything at that moment just for it to appear again. If I had only kept my mouth shut, then maybe we were enjoying a lunch full of "I love you's" and "I miss you's" instead of that depressing scenario. We could've been happy at that time. But I'm not that kind of guy, enjoying something that I don't deserve in the first place. I could never, in my conscience, live a lie, especially if it's someone else's heart that is at stake. Ace had the right to know the truth, so I'm giving it to him.<br />
<br />
I told Ace all the things he was unaware of until then: the several drinking sessions Uno and I had with our common friends, Uno's confession regarding with his own feelings towards me as a reaction to my New Year's <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.com/2014/01/hiding-without-seeking.html">post</a>, the agreement Uno and I made about our feelings with each other, and the supposedly back-to-work final party at Kim's.<br />
<br />
"<i>Nasa sofa kami. Alone. Nasa kwarto sa itaas 'yung mga kasama namin, nagpapakalasing. Kami ni Uno medyo tipsy lang, kasi alam namin na kailangan naming mag-usap ng maayos. First, I said sorry to him kasi nagkaroon ako ng feelings sa kanya. Na dapat bilang someone na in a relationship na, dapat pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. Dapat hindi na siguro ako nag-post at hinayaan ko na lang mawala. Parang lalo lang kasing tumindi nung umamin ako...</i>" I said. My throat was getting dry and kinda sore. The kind of soreness whenever you're forcing yourself not to cry.<br />
<br />
"<i>Then, siya naman 'yung nag-sorry. Humingi siya ng tawad kasi alam naman niyang may karelasyon ako. Sorry daw kung nakakagulo pa siya. Alam naman daw niya na wala siyang magagawa, pero hindi niya pinigilan 'yung sarili niya na makasama ulit ako. Tapos ayun, bigla na siyang humagulgol. Isinandal niya 'yung ulo niya sa lap ko, tapos niyakap niya ko dito sa bewang. Palagi na lang daw siya nasasaktan, gusto na lang niya iiyak lahat ng sakit. Hinaplos ko siya sa ulo at likod sa awa ko sa kanya. Ilang minuto rin siguro 'yun...</i><br />
<br />
"<i>Then nagulat na lang ako nung bigla siya ulit umupo. Hinawakan niya yung magkabilang pisngi ko, inilapit sa mukha niya... Hinalikan ako... At hindi ko siya pinigilan, Ace...</i>"<br />
<br />
Tears began to flow down his cheeks. I could see that Ace was doing his best to prevent them from falling, but after hearing what I just revealed, he was no longer able to maintain his composure. I looked down in deep shame.<br />
<br />
"<i>I am very sorry, Ace. Sobra. Sorry... Please, please forgive me,</i>" I said.<br />
<br />
"<i>How was the kiss?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Ha?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>How was it? 'Yung halik niya, Sep... Masarap ba ha?</i>"<br />
<br />
The solemn moment flashed back in my mind. The feel of his lips pressed against mine, his tongue softly exploring my mouth, the warmth of his breath—I could still remember all of it vividly. The kiss was careful but endearing. Definitely a kiss one will have a hard time forgetting. But all I could tell Ace was, "<i>It-it was... Passionate...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Fuck...</i>" he swore. "<i>Why Geosef?</i>"<br />
<br />
I let him cry silently, giving him time to manage his emotions. He didn't mind if ever someone would see him in that state, so I decided not to care as well. He stopped after a few minutes, wiping his face rather vigorously before looking at me again.<br />
<br />
"<i>Meron pa ba?</i>"<br />
<br />
I wished I could say the opposite when he asked me that. That there was nothing more to say. That that was already everything. But fate wouldn't let me have it; unfortunately, there's still more.<br />
<br />
"<i>We broke off, and we just hugged each other after that, hanggang sa bumaba 'yung isa naming kasama. Kailangan na raw kasi umuwi. Kaya naisipan na rin sumabay ni Uno, kasi nga ihahatid pa niya ang tatay niya sa airport. Kaya sinamahan namin silang dalawa hanggang sa sakayan ng trike... Sobrang lungkot ang naramdaman ko that time, Ace. Alam ko kasi na 'yun na ang last naming pagkikita. Parang ayaw ko pa na umuwi siya. Grabe ang pigil ko sa pag-iyak kasi kasama naming naglalakad 'yung iba.</i><br />
<br />
"<i>Nung nakaalis na 'yung siya, biglang umagos 'yung mga luha ko. Hindi ko na talaga kinaya. Napayakap ako kay Kim habang umiiyak, doon sa tabi ng daan. Buti na lang at past midnight na 'yun kaya walang tao. Hanggang sa paglalakad pauwi, humahagulgol ako. Para akong tanga.</i><br />
<br />
"<i>Tumigil na ako nung makabalik kami sa bahay ni Kim. Umakyat sila ulit sa taas para ipagpatuloy ang pag-inom, pero nagpaiwan muna ako sa ibaba. Umupo ako ulit sa sofa. Nung naalala ko 'yung naging conversation namin ni Uno, pati yung halik niya, napaiyak ulit ako. This time mas malakas. Wala na akong pakialam halos kung maririnig ako ng kapitbahay ni Kim. Malamang rinig din ako sa itaas pero hinayaan lang nila ako. Para akong nag-concert, Ace. Atungol na yata halos yung ginawa ko. Sa tingin ko, inabot ako ng around 15 minutes sa paghagulgol. Dire-diretso 'yun. Ang tagal... I think 'yun na yata ang pinakamalalang iyak ko sa buong buhay ko,</i>" I recounted.<i> </i>I was in near tears myself by the time I finished.<br />
<br />
The way Ace was looking at me, I could see pain, anger, and pity. It was breaking my heart further, one little crack at a time.<i> </i><br />
<br />
"<i>Walang ibang dapat sisihin kung hindi ako. </i><i>Hindi ikaw, hindi rin si Uno. </i><i>Tinago ko sa'yo ang mga bagay-bagay kaya lumala. Kung naging totoo lang sana ako agad sa'yo, eh di sana napigilan mo ako agad,</i>" I continued. "<i>Hindi rin pwedeng sisihin si Uno kasi wala naman siyang ginawang actions for this to happen. He never flirted with me. 'Yung mga conversations and interactions namin before ako umamin ay puro casual at friendly lang. Never naging intimate. Walang kahit anong pang-aakit...</i><br />
<br />
"<i>Kaya naman ang lungkot-lungkot ko since New Year, Ace. Alam ko kasi sa sarili ko na kasalanan ko ang lahat kung bakit umabot sa ganito. I did this to myself, sa kalandian ko. And worse, nandamay pa ako ng ibang tao. Makakasakit pa ko ng iba, particularly someone who truly loves me...</i>"<br />
<br />
With tears now in my eyes, I stared at Ace, wanting to make sure that he understood who I was referring to.<br />
<br />
"<i>It pains me so much knowing that I would hurt you again... Pinag-isipan kong mabuti if aaminin ko ba
sa'yo ang lahat ng nangyari. Since nag-decide naman kami ni Uno na
itigil kung ano ang meron kami, inisip ko na hindi mo na kailangan
malaman. To spare you the pain. Kaso hindi kaya ng konsensya ko, Ace.
Halos hindi ako makatulog sa kakaisip. Hindi ako mapakali, knowing na
nagsinungaling ako sa'yo ng whereabouts ko ng ilang beses. Hindi kaya ng
konsensya ko na wala kang alam...</i>"<br />
<br />
He managed to smile amid the tension. "<i>You have always been honest to me, Sep. That is the best thing about you...</i>" He let out a deep sigh. "<i>So... What should we do about this?</i>"<br />
<br />
I tried to smile back, but failed. I was dreading what he would say next as sadness reigned on his face once again.<br />
<br />
"<i>Well, I think we've had a good run, Sep. I believe we've made each other happy these past three years. Maybe kaya nangyari ang mga ito, we are being told that what we have is already enough...</i>"<br />
<br />
I thought I'm already prepared for that blow, but I was wrong. I felt suddenly afraid. I feared the thought of losing him, of not having him in my life. The thought of me being alone as quick as that frightened me immensely. I reached for his hand in panic.<br />
<br />
"<i>Ace, please no... Don't be too rash. 'Wag ngayon. 'Wag dito... I don't think kaya ko. Please,</i>" I begged, wide-eyed. <br />
<br />
He stared at me long and hard, studying me with his watery eyes. After what seemed like an eternity, he switched his gaze to his food and began attacking it. "<i>Kainin na natin ang mga 'to. Tapos uwi muna tayo...</i>"<br />
<br />
<u><i>To be continued...</i></u>Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-39903448852494818202014-10-27T09:35:00.000+08:002014-10-29T00:14:54.467+08:00Who Rocked The Boat<div>
January 5, 2014 ~ Sunday<br />
<br />
I was beside myself while in transit towards NAIA Terminal 2. Ace went home to Aklan for two weeks to be with his family for the holidays, and as always, he wanted me to fetch him in his return. As the bus cuts through traffic, I racked my brain aggressively for a decision. <i>Should I tell him? Should I not? </i>Guilt was eating me up for days now and I already lost much sleep. As I sat there staring blankly out the window, I felt like the shittiest shit in the world.<br />
<br />
It all started two Sundays ago, when I attended an overnight party in Mandaluyong. It was a fun night full of games, jokes, and good food. I enjoyed it a lot for I got acquainted with new people, shared stories, and exchanged different opinions, particularly about matters regarding the blogosphere. More importantly, that was also the night when I met the person who would soon make me rock my own boat—the boat I'd been maintaining for more than 3 years. His name is Uno.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Uno has this cute smile accentuated by a set of dimples. Being slightly <i>chinito</i>, <i>moreno</i>, kinda chubby, and a bit taller than me, he has looks that most people will appreciate. The first time I saw him, I didn't mind him much. We actually had very few interactions that night, almost to none if I recall correctly. I didn't come to that party to flirt with anyone; I was there to simply have fun. I had no other intentions than to make new acquaintances, possibly make new friends. I thought that I won't see him again. I was wrong though.<br />
<br />
To my slight surprise, a couple of days after Christmas, he invited me out for a movie together with his own circle of friends. I was reluctant to go at first since I was trying to stay as anonymous as possible, but I was too shy to refuse, so I accepted his invitation.<br />
<br />
I enjoyed it only a little. The movie simply sucked and since it was my first time meeting Uno's friends, no one talked to me much, even Uno himself. I was quiet most of the time, just listening to their conversations. I was puzzled. Why invite me if I will just be ignored? Nonetheless, I could tell that they are nice people, so the day wasn't really a waste. I was still glad I was able to go out rather than to stay at home.<br />
<br />
The day after the next, Kim, a public teacher I had befriended at the party, invited me for a night of drinks. Since I am very fond of her bubbly personality, I instantly said yes. She said she also asked two others, and one of them was Uno. This time, it went by pretty great. The four of us shared things about ourselves over a bottle of gold tequila mixed with Coke. Through their stories, I got to know them more intimately. This was when I began to get interested at Uno. Suddenly, I had this unexplained thirst to know more about him. His job, a brief summary of his past relationships and heartbreaks, and other personal details. I measured his personality, concluding that he's a lot more than meets the eye. I dug deeper, trying to be subtle about it. I went home afterwards and found myself thinking about him most of the time. I was so confused myself, and I knew that that is not good. But I didn't stop myself.<br />
<br />
We gathered again for a couple of times more with Kim's friends in addition. Knowing I would see and be with Uno again made me excited. I was looking forward to our drinking sessions. I had met and got to know more people, but it's still Uno who I was most interested with. I was getting drawn to him the more I spend time with him. Soon, it began to dawn on me that I am starting to develop deeper feelings for him. And it actually saddened me.<br />
<br />
It saddened me because I know it is wrong. By harboring romantic feelings for Uno, I'm jeopardizing my relationship with Ace. The feelings I'm silently brewing was beginning to rock the boat in an ominous way. So I thought of one solution: to write. I wrote an <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.com/2014/01/hiding-without-seeking.html">entry</a> containing my thoughts to help me let go and forget, to help me stop my feelings from advancing, and posted it on the first day of 2014. I saw it as a form of confession to everyone. I thought that by telling it to the world, it would help me to further kill the idea that had been pestering in my mind. I asked Ace to read it, and he just took the issue lightly, telling me not to worry and assuring me that I could get past this. He said that it was just a simple crush. Just a fleeting thought that I will forget eventually. Unfortunately, Ace was wrong for I did not.Without him knowing, that simple crush was turning into something more serious with each passing day.<br />
<br />
Uno had also read the said post, and quickly deduced that he's the one I was talking about. To my surprise, he confessed to me through a phone call that he has intimate feelings for me as well. He was suppressing them only because he knows I already have someone in my life, and that it would not end well should he decide to push it. Sorrow filled me like a sudden rush of blood to the head. There we were, two people who have mutual feelings for each other but can't do anything about it because of valid circumstances. So Uno and I agreed to put a complete stop on it. We made an agreement not to meet and talk again, for the good of us both, to prevent one of us from potentially getting a broken heart.<br />
<br />
However, fate did not let us succeed.<br />
<br />
The gang decided to hold one last drinking session before we continue on with our lives. Uno and I were hesitant at first, but we decided to made an exception for them because they have nothing to do with what's happening with us. And because it would be our chance to say goodbye properly in person.<br />
<br />
If I had only known that it would be a bad idea, then I would've said no instantly.<br />
<br />
The night came and, as usual, the drinks were overflowing. Uno told us that he must leave after a few hours because he's the designated driver to bring his dad to the airport—his old man was to return overseas for work—so he didn't drink much. I too drank a little because I wanted to keep myself sober. I didn't want to be drunk when the "talk" happens.<br />
<br />
An hour past midnight, when all were busy getting more drunk, I motioned Uno to go downstairs to do, once and for all, what we went there for. The others have an idea of what's going on between me and Uno, so they let us excused ourselves. It felt awkward as we sat alone on the couch of the living room.<br />
<br />
Our heartfelt conversation went on and ended in an unexpected way. One thing led to another and, after a few days, I just found myself inside that bus, sitting as I wallow in despair. I was so stressed as I continue to think about that final night Uno and I had. I couldn't imagine facing Ace with that guilt. I'd rather jump on a cliff rather than prolong the suffering I was trying to endure.<br />
<br />
As the airport came into view, my heart beat faster and louder. I felt like fainting, a shiver running down ominously down my spine. I knew that I should reap what I sow, even though I was still far from being ever ready for it.<br />
<br />
<i><u>To be continued...</u></i>Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-29626480494128901112014-10-22T02:20:00.002+08:002014-10-22T02:44:40.619+08:00Voices Crying In The WildernessThe end of my relationship with Ace definitely cost me a lot of things, but I never expected that I would also lose the people I consider as my closest friends. It only added insult to the already grim injury that I tried to endure for a long time.<br />
<br />
Ace is inarguably a great guy, not just as a lover, but also as a friend. He is very friendly and he knows how to hold decent and interesting conversations. I am glad that in the course of our relationship, <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.com/2013/09/letter-break-4-when-hes-not-only-one.html">Lanie</a>, <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.com/2013/11/discerning-duality-of-triptych-rey.html">Rey</a>, and <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.com/2013/11/discerning-duality-of-triptych-theo.html">Theo</a> have easily come to love him, treating him like an older brother. Without much effort, the three of them became pretty fond of him sooner than I predicted. So when I decided to break his heart, theirs were broken as well. They even tried to help us repair the damage I had done, but their efforts were in vain. They just made themselves constantly available to him as per my request. Consequently, I believe that they had been an immense help to Ace. If not for them, it would've taken him a hell of a lot worse to deal with the break up.<br />
<br />
Well, I actually didn't mind it. At first.<br />
<br />
I was grateful that they continued to offer support to Ace, but when news reached me that they were also trying to assist Ace when he decided to start dating again, I began to see the disadvantages of the situation. Spending more time with Ace than they do with me is one thing, but insisting to meet his dating choices too (as well as almost befriending them) is another. I felt betrayed. I considered their actions foul. To me, I was their friend first; they only became friends with Ace through me, so technically, they are mine originally. I needed them to know that I'm uncomfortable with it. They had to be stopped.<br />
<br />
I tried to talk to Ace first, but it ended up badly (as I recounted in <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.com/2014/04/overwhelmed-by-underdog.html">an earlier story</a>), so I approached Rey a few days later instead, giving him a piece of my mind.<br />
<br />
"<i>Tol, please naman. 'Wag naman kayong ganon,</i>" I told Rey over the phone.<br />
<br />
"<i>Bakit ka ba ganyan, Sep? Bakit hindi namin pwedeng gawin 'yun? Ayan ka na naman sa pagiging possessive mo. Pati kami inaangkin mo. Naging malapit na kaibigan na rin namin si Ace, at gusto namin siyang maging masaya. Gusto lang namin kilatisin yung mga ka-date niya, para hindi na siya masaktan ulit gaya nung ginawa mo,</i>" he explained.<br />
<br />
"<i>Ouch... Ok, given na 'yun, sige. Pinipilit ko namang intindihin eh. Hindi ko kayo pag-aari para ipagdamot, oo, pero sana naman isipin niyo rin yung nararamdaman ko ngayon. Walang problema kung maging kaibigan niyo pa rin si Ace, pero sana naman 'wag niyo nang kaibiganin pati yung bago niyang boyfriend. Respeto naman sa'kin, tol. Please lang,</i>" I begged.<br />
<br />
"<i>Alam mo Sep, ang labo mo talaga. Iniwan mo na siya di ba? Bakit ka pa rin masyadong affected?</i>" he taunted.<br />
<br />
That caught me by surprise. Arguing with Rey can be very difficult; his stubbornness often stresses me out. I stumbled for a reply, trying to avoid his loaded questions, "<i>Rey, please listen to me. Hear me out, tol. Alam mo kung sakaling iwan mo man si Theo<span class="st">—</span>knock on wood<span class="st">—</span>sa'yo pa rin ako kakampi, ikaw ang iko-comfort ko, unless sabihin mo din sa akin na i-comfort ko rin siya. Bakit? Kasi nakilala ko lang naman si Theo thru you eh. Ikaw talaga ang kaibigan ko, kaya sa'yo ako kakampi kahit ikaw pa ang may kasalanan ng break up niyo. Nage-gets mo ba? Kung sakaling mag-break kayo ni Theo, hindi ko gagawin sa'yo yung ginagawa niyo sa akin ngayon...</i>" <br />
<br />
Rey became quiet for several seconds. I took it as a sign that he's beginning to grasp what I was saying.<br />
<br />
"<i>So ano, tol?</i>" I probed.<br />
<br />
"<i>Geosef, can we just drop this? You just have to deal with it, tol. Ito ang epekto ng ginawa mo, so please be brave enough and accept it. Akala ko ba nag-usap na kayo ni Ace tungkol dito? Akala ko naintindihan mo na? Be consistent, Sepsep. Kung affected ka pa rin, eh di balikan mo si Ace. Para wala nang ganitong issue,</i>" he said, irritated.<br />
<br />
"<i>Tol, alam mo namang nakapagdesisyon na ako, 'di ba?</i>" I reminded him.<br />
<br />
"<i>Then move on as well! Ace is doing his best to move on, and you're hindering him by trying to control us. Wala na kong maririnig about this again, okay?</i>" Rey snapped.<br />
<br />
The point I'm trying to make had been thwarted. Again. It was extremely frustrating, having this lone voice. And I'm just wasting it by crying out in the wilderness, to no avail. Starting then, however, I kept myself mum about it, pushing the matter no further. I love these three, and I am prepared to endure the suffering in silence. I never brought it up again.<br />
<br />
But my patience also has its limits.<br />
<br />
The five of us had this scheduled trip to Guimaras in June. All were already set since late last year: the plane tickets, the tour, the accommodation, and the itinerary. Unfortunately, a week before our flight, Ace had been given an emergency assignment by his company. He had to fly to California and stay there for 2 weeks due to an important conference. There was nothing he could do to avoid it, so it was just me, Lanie, Rey, and Theo who continued with the trip.<br />
<br />
Things were okay at first. We explored the recommended sights, made frequent swims in their white-sand beach, did island hopping, enjoyed the mangoes, and maximized our relaxation to the fullest. We exchanged stories, jokes, and insults, like what we usually do. I expected that it would stay like that until we go home, but things suddenly turned sour, much to my confusion. I began to notice that they get irritated at me easily even though I'm barely doing anything. They talk to me less and less. They get quiet every time I enter the room. They immediately snap at me whenever I try to open my mouth. I only receive sarcasm whenever I voice out my opinion regarding with whatever they're talking about. There were several times when they seem revolted upon seeing me. Theo was the first one to turn hostile, followed by Lanie, and then Rey. I was burning to ask them, but I feared they will only say something hurtful. I sincerely wished for Ace to be there with us, since he could protect me from all the hostility they were throwing at me, but alas he was miles away. I had absolutely no idea about what was going on, but I remained quiet. That persisted until we returned home.<br />
<br />
I went home in pain. That dreadful trip left me confused and wondering, <i>Why did they treat me like that? Did I do anything wrong? If yes, why didn't they just tell it to me?</i> It made me realize that they don't actually respect me, they insult whenever they can, and they ignore the things I say. They made me feel like some trash: disgusting, dispensable, and worthless. For the first time in many years, I felt alone. Friendless. Abandoned.<br />
<br />
I decided that I have to do one thing: as much as I regret it, I must now burn our bridges. The connection must be completely severed. I had to do it to shield myself from further pain, from enduring more suffering from all of them.<br />
<br />
I started with Facebook. I unfriended the three of them, no longer wanting to receive any updates about their lives. I untagged all of my tagged pictures from them, and I deleted photos as well as entire albums featuring them. I did the same with the photo gallery in my phone, also erasing their numbers in my contacts. I wanted to forget every memory I have of each of them. I wanted to remove every trace that could make me remember that I had them in my life. I was in anguish while doing all of it. Losing a lover can break you into two, but losing a true friend is worse: it can shatter you into unmanageable pieces. But I did my best to convince myself that I ended what must be finished. It was the death of something I regret losing, but I must begin to accept the fate of our friendship. It's quite funny
that a friendship of 12 years could go down the drain as easy as that. I forced myself to believe that I don't need them
anymore, that I can survive without friends, and that the only path now is forward, alone.<br />
<br />
However, it was really not a very easy thing to accomplish.<br />
<br />
Several days passed by without hearing anything from them. The reason was quick to appear in front of me, in bold letters: they simply don't care, Geosef. It inflicted me more pain than I refuse to admit. They did blocked me on Facebook as a form of retaliation, but a single word from them, I heard nothing. More questions burned in my mind, but I knew that they'll just go unanswered. Not until one day, when I received a call. It was from Ace.<br />
<br />
"<i>Sep, what is happening?</i>" he started. I heard a hint of worry in his voice.<br />
<br />
"<i>Huh? What do you mean?</i>" I asked.<br />
<br />
"<i>Naiintindihan ko kung bakit mo ko in-unfriend sa Facebook, and that's okay, pero bakit naman pati yung tatlo? What's the problem this time?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Ayaw ko na, Ace. Gusto ko ng manahimik. Sa iyo na silang tatlo.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Is this about the 'who's the friend of who' thing again? Sepsep naman, akala ko napag-usapan na natin 'yan? 'Wag mo naman silang ganyanin, mga matagal mo nang kaibigan ang mga 'yan.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>I didn't. They decided it for themselves. They chose your side, so I'm setting them free.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>C'mon, Sep. You know that's not true.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Wala ka kasi nung Guimaras, Ace. Kung nakita mo lang kung paano nila ako trinato, kung paano nila ako kausapin, tignan...</i>" I said, recounting to him the rest of what happened in that trip, including the conversation I had with Rey several days after my birthday celebration in his house.<br />
<br />
He was silent for a moment, contemplating my story.<br />
<br />
"<i>You got it all wrong...</i>" he said.<br />
<br />
"<i>Bakit ako lang? Ako na naman? Lahat na lang kasalanan ko. Palagi naman eh,</i>" I protested, slightly annoyed.<br />
<br />
"<i>No, I mean kayong apat. You guys got it all wrong. This is all just a big misunderstanding.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>How come? Ang linaw-linaw kaya. Ayaw na nila sa akin.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Makinig ka muna, okay? I will explain.</i>"<br />
<br />
I decided not to answer, so Ace continued, "<i>Alam mo bang ikinuwento ni Rey kay Theo yung napag-usapan niyo? Yung tungkol doon sa sinabi mo na kapag naghiwalay sila, kay Rey ka kakampi. Alam mo bang nagtampo si Theo dahil doon?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Bakit naman niya kailangang magtampo? Totoo naman yung sinabi ko ah. Hindi ba ganoon naman talaga dapat? Si Rey ang original kong kaibigan. Naging kaibigan ko si Theo dahil boyfriend siya ni Rey, so malamang kapag naghiwalay sila, mapuputol na ang friendship ko kay Theo, unless na manatili silang maging magkaibigan na lang after ng break up. Matalino si Theo, expect ko na maiintindihan niya 'yun,</i>" I said.<br />
<br />
"<i>Naririnig mo ba ang sarili mo, Sepsep? Ganyan talaga ang takbo ng isip mo?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>I don't see kung ano man ang mali sa mga sinabi ko. Atsaka hypothetical lang 'yun, Ace. Sinabi ko kaya specificially na 'if ever lang naman na maghiwalaya sila'. Di ba nila gets? If ever lang naman. Alam ko namang malayong mangyari na mag-split sila.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Nasaktan sila sa sinabi mo, Sep. Iniisip ni Theo eh hindi talaga kaibigan ang tingin mo sa kanya. Matapos ang lahat ng concern at advices na binigay niya sa'yo, itinuring ka na rin niyang best friend, pero hanggang 'boyfriend ng best friend mo' lang pala ang tingin mo sa kanya. Ang inisip niya, napipilitan ka lang naman pala</i><i> na pakisamahan siya</i><i> all this time.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>What? 'Yun ang nakuha niya sa mga sinabi ko? Pero hindi 'yun ang ibig kong sabihin, Ace!</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Kaya nga sabi ko ay isang malaking misunderstanding ang nangyari di ba? Pero aminin mo Sep, tama yung mga sinabi ni Theo. Nung narinig ko 'yun, ganun din ang unang inisip ko eh. Ikaw lang ang hindi nakapansin doon sa bad points ng pananaw mo.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Eh bakit pati sila Rey and Lanie galit sa akin?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Duh. Disappointed si Rey when he heard that from you. Napagtanto niya na kapag naghiwalay sila, imbes na subukan mong tulungan sila na magkaayos, kakampi ka lang sa kanya para mag-comfort. Ni hindi mo man lang susubukang gawin sa kanila 'yung mga ginawa nilang effort noon para magkabalikan tayong dalawa. Feel niya wala kang kahit anong affection kay Theo. Boyfriend kaya niya 'yun. He expects na you will care about Theo too dahil mahal niya 'yun, even as much as loving him as well. Kasi sa totoo lang, ganoon din naman siya sa akin. </i><i>Si Lanie naman, ewan ko lang. Baka nahawa na lang sa negative thoughts nila...</i>" Ace explained. "<i>So ano Sep, naintindihan mo na ba?</i>"<br />
<br />
It was all beginning to dawn on me. The blanks in the story had finally been filled with answers, answers which I had been waiting for so long. Ace was right, I was actually a jerk for everything I have said. Guilt and shame suddenly swirled within me, overtaking my defensive thoughts. Without me knowing, I was actually the first one to cast the stone; they just threw it back after they got hit.<br />
<br />
"<i>Yes, I do now. Pero Ace, it's not right that they ganged up on me. It would have been better if kinausap na lang
sana nila ako.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Pinilit nilang maging okay nung nasa Guimaras kayo. Pero hindi talaga maitago ni Theo yung sama ng loob niya sa'yo. Pati si Lanie, hindi rin napigilan ang inis. Sinubukan actually ni Rey na i-pacify sila, kaso pati siya nahawa na rin eventually,</i>" he recalled. "<i>Tapos, 'yun nga, you made it worse with what you did on Facebook.
They were really pissed off, Sepsep. Rey won't admit it, pero he's
really hurt. Kilala mo naman 'yun, kunwari hindi affected pero kapag
nabanggit ang name mo ay biglang nagiging masungit. Si Lanie tahimik
lang, pero alam kong nasaktan din siya. Sabi niya gusto ka lang naman
daw nila matuto at magbago, kaya naging ganoon ang parusa nila sa'yo.
They are just concerned about you, kahit na inis rin sila sa'yo.</i>"<br />
<br />
What he said saddened me so much. My eyes began to moist and my voice was starting to get croaky.<br />
<br />
"<i>Sep, I think kailangan niyo lang talaga mag-usap. Parehas kayong may fault sa nangyari,</i>" Ace suggested.<i></i><br />
<i><br /></i>
"<i>Hindi na kailangan 'yun, Ace. Ayaw ko na talaga,</i>" I declared.<br />
<br />
"<i>Why? Antagal mo na silang kaibigan, Sep. More than a decade na. Please don't just throw it all away. They only care about you.</i>"<i></i><br />
<i><br /></i>
"<i>Alam mo Ace, tulad ko, hindi rin naman sila perpekto eh. Meron din silang mga ugali na hindi ko gusto, pero kahit kailan, </i><i> sa tinagal-tagal na kaibigan ko sila, I never punished them for their flaws. Hindi ba dapat ang tunay na kaibigan ay tanggapin ka ng buo? Bakit nila ako kailangang baguhin sa pamamagitan ng mga parusa? Tanggap ko ang mga kakulangan nila, and I love them for what they are, as a whole. So bakit nila ginagawa sa akin 'yun? Palagi na lang ganyan , noon pa, pero ngayon lang ako nagsalita.</i>"<br />
<br />
Ace fell silent. He knew I was right.<br />
<br />
"<i>If they won't accept me, and instead, continue to change me for what they think is ideal to them, then I think our friendship should no longer continue. I see no reason to prolong it. What's done is done, including the damages,</i>" I said.<br />
<br />
"<i>Well, I hope you'll still change your mind, Sep. Maybe you just need some time off from each other. I believe na maayos niyo pa rin yan, lalo na kapag na-miss niyo ang isa't-isa. Kailangan niyo lang talaga mag-usap,</i>" he said, sounding hopeful.<br />
<br />
"<i>I dunno. Basta, I already made my decision. Thanks for the call, Ace. I appreciate it,</i>" I said, ending the conversation.<br />
<br />
I was deep in thought after that call. It's astonishing that a simple misunderstanding could destroy 12 years worth of
friendship. I am not sure who is really at fault, but I
won't deny if I share a big part of it. Well, when hurtful words were already said and bridges were done being burnt, as if pointing fingers still matter anyway.Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-57969168643284222842014-10-18T05:24:00.003+08:002014-10-22T02:28:16.424+08:00Letter Break 12 ~ Letter Of ResignationDear reader,<br />
<br />
I would like to inform you that I am resigning from my position as the author of this blog, Alfabeto Della Mia Vita, effective once I finished the 2nd volume of my alphabet.<br />
<br />
Thank you for all the time you have given me since the very beginning. I have really enjoyed writing for you, and I appreciate the support you always provide me during this exciting journey of mine as a blogger. But as we all know, everything has an end, and blogs are not an exception to that. I am quite sad to realize that mine had to come sooner than expected. Earlier this year, I almost quit blogging because of an unforeseen circumstance. But now, I believe it's for good.<br />
<br />
In the next 14 entries, including a final Letter Break and an epilogue, I am planning to tell you the much overdue and yet untold story of everything that had happened to me since 2014 began: how Ace and I broke up, the people involved, and the events that occurred afterward. I trust that this would be the most fitting conclusion to this blog which I have loved and kept for more than a year now.<br />
<br />
However, I would like to warn you as early as now that from here onwards, things won't be cheerful, but I'm still hoping that you'll be with me until it's over. I would also like to ask you to keep an open mind. I know that there's a chance I will be judged because of my actions, but I am asking you to read first and try your best to understand. Every story has a lesson, you just have to be patient for it. I hope that you will learn a lot from these stories, like I did, and that you'll find it as another satisfying experience after reaching the end.<br />
<br />
If I can be of any help during this transition, please let me know. Until then, rest assured that I will give you my all.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
Geoseffe G. GarciaSepsephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08460312460223035946noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-74386440178734393292014-10-14T01:41:00.000+08:002014-10-14T04:29:05.425+08:00Usapang OtokoFor me, ang mga lalake ay parang tinapay: masarap, staple, and important for regular consumption. May malinamnam, may nakakauta, may malaman, may manipis, merong chewy at merong tustado, may dry, may moist, mayroong malalaki at meron ding maliliit, merong fresh, merong stale, merong siksik, at pati puro hangin lang ang laman.<br />
<br />
Maraming uri meron ang tinapay: pandesal, tasty, monay, spanish, mamon, etc. Iba't-iba man ang hugis at itsura, iisa lamang ang lasa nila. Ang tinapay ay tinapay. Period. Masarap man ito, maaaring madali kang mananawa sa lasa if you'll continue to eat it by itself. The solution? Lagyan mo ng palaman 'teh.<br />
<br />
Madalas kung minsan, para sa mga kiddos, mas mahalaga ang anyo ng tinapay, pero sa mga adults, mas importante ang palaman. Mayroong mukhang yummy, pero nakaka-disappoint sa unang kagat pa lang. Mayroong nakakawalang-gana pagmasdan, pero paniguradong mauubos mo. Merong maganda na, masarap pa. At meron ding iluluwa mo talaga dahil parehong di kaaya-aya ang loob at labas.<br />
<br />
Hindi mo malalaman sa tingin, kailangang tikman mo rin.<br />
<br />
Uy, nag-rhyme yun ah. lol... Anyway, with this post, let me share with you kung anu-anong palaman ang paborito ko sa aking mga otoko, ay este, tinapay pala. <br />
<br />
1. COCO JAM<br />
<br />
Isa ito sa mga palaman na aking kinalakihan. Being sweet and unique, hindi ito agad nakakaumay at may lasang hahanap-hanapin mo. Yun nga lang, mahirap i-spread ang coco jam sa tinapay. Ubod ng lapot kasi ito, minsan nga matigas pa. Pero kahit malaking effort man, sa sarap nito ay siguradong worth it naman.<br />
<br />
Ganyan rin ang bet ko sa lalaki: may originality and hindi easy to get. Papadain ka muna sa butas ng karayom dahil alam niyang karapat-dapat siya sa effort na ibibigay mo. I admire men that could offer something different. Mas masarap ang kagat ng tagumpay kung pinaghirapan mo muna ito.<br />
<br />
2. COOKIE BUTTER<br />
<br />
May isang dahilan kung bakit mas prefer ko ang cookie butter kaysa sa peanut butter. Parehas ko man silang gusto, naiinis ako sa tuwing binubuksan ko ang garapon ng peanut butter at nakikita kong nagmantika siya. Kailangan pa kasing haluin ng haluin; kaya sa kakahalo, parang nako-confuse tuloy siya lalo kung ano ba talaga dapat ang kanyang anyo. Hindi siya stable at consistent, di gaya ng cookie butter—creamy na, yummy pa.<br />
<br />
Stability and consistency. Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, importante ang makahanap ng stable na hombre. Yung mayroong mga pangarap at goals, tapos alam niya kung paano ang pag-abot ng mga ito. Dapat lang din na consistent siya sa pag-express ng kanyang pagmamahal. Hindi yung sala sa init, sala sa lamig; minsan malinaw, minsan malabo; o papalit-palit from sweet to bitter, and vice versa.<br />
<br />
3. CHEEZ WHIZ<br />
<br />
Of course, like Cheez Whiz, dapat marunong ding magpaka-cheesy si boylet. Yung cheesy na romantic, hindi creepy ha. There should always be an allowance for cheesiness and silliness for they are key ingredients of a happy relationship.<br />
<br />
4. BUTTER<br />
<br />
Swak ipalaman ang butter sa mainit na pan de sal. Madali kasi itong matunaw kaya dumidikit sa tinapay ang lasa. Dapat ganito ang isang ideal guy, easy to soften at hindi hard to maintain. Mabilis mag-mellow dahil hindi mataas ang pride. Kahit gaano man katigas kapag cold, meron pa ring soft side: hindi mahirap palambutin if you apply some warm affection.<br />
<br />
5. EDEN CHEESE<br />
<br />
Bakit dalawa ang cheese sa list na ito?<br />
<br />
May isang quality ang Eden Cheese (and the likes) na wala ang Cheez Whiz: ang pagiging totoo. Para sa akin kasi, ang real cheese ay yung nasa solid form, samantalang yung mga thick liquid na cheese spread ay imitation or artificial lang. I could be wrong, but yun na kasi ang naging point of view ko mula pagkabata.<br />
<br />
Anyway, ang point ko lang naman, dapat ang mamahalin kong otoko ay yung honest at trustworthy. Hindi mapagpanggap. Yung totoo sa kanya sarili at sa mga taong nakapaligid sa kanya. He should know how to be open kahit makakasakit man, and respects you enough to tell you the truth. Nothing is more attractive than a man who can say the truth because he trusts that you can handle it.<br />
<br />
6. MAYO AND EGG<br />
<br />
Ang mga tingin ko sa lalaking mga family-oriented ay parang mayo and egg sandwich. Sa tuwing merong outing ang family ko, expected ko nang ito ang palaman ng mga baon naming loaf bread. I like eggs and I like mayo. Put them in a bread together and it's a blast! Kung magkakaroon ako ng partner, mahalaga sa akin na maganda ang relationship niya sa kanyang pamilya. You can know a lot about a person just by looking at how he treats his family.<br />
<br />
7. STRAWBERRY JAM<br />
<br />
I like my strawberry jam the way I like my men: sweet and made in Baguio. *wink*<br />
<br />
There you go, sisters. Masyado bang malayo ang comparison? 'Wag na lang kayong basag trip, pwede? lol<br />
<br />
Gaano man kasarap at ka-fresh ang isang tinapay, in the long run, sa
palaman lang din naman actually nagkakatalo 'yan. Dahil familiar ka na
sa lasa ng panlabas, nagsisimula ka nang mag-focus kung ano ang nasa
loob, kung ano ang mas importante, para mas angat ang enjoyment mo. Kaya kilatisin mabuti ang bawat palaman gaya ng pagiging choosy mo sa lalaki. Ikaw rin, mahirap ang magsisi sa huli.<br />
<br />
So ikaw ba, which spreads do you like on your bread? :)Sepsephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08460312460223035946noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-84799747437826978832014-09-29T20:25:00.000+08:002014-09-30T15:29:17.901+08:00Usapang OmbreI love men. They all come in different kinds, shapes, and sizes.<br />
<br />
Aminado akong may pagka-choosy ako. Hindi porke may 'bird' na tumitilaok sa pagitan ng iyong mga hita ay magti-twinkle-twinkle-little-star na agad ang aking mga mata. Like everyone else (na baklang tulad ko), may certain species lang ng 'birds' ang pinaglalawayan kong tikman.<br />
<br />
Well, lahat naman tayo'y may kanya-kanyang tipo at timpla sa mga lalaking nagpapalibog sa'tin. That's something which is perfectly normal for us humans. We can have individual choices honed by what we prefer, which are based on our experiences as we grow up. Physically gifted man o hindi, lahat tayo ay may karapatang maging choosy. Boring ang life kung walang choices, amirite?<br />
<br />
I have these preferences that I consider 'normal'. There are also those that I find different. I wouldn't call them 'abnormal', but rather 'eccentric'. I'm sure hindi lang ako ang ganito. At dahil sa mga 'eccentric' preferences na 'to, I feel na hindi naman ako masyadong maarte sa choices ko. In other words, low-level lang ang choosiness ko. Simple lang naman kasi akong bakla.<br />
<br />
So, ano nga ba ang mga tipong lalaki ni Sepsep?<br />
<br />
Ang sagot: marami. And I don't know where to start. lol<br />
<br />
Oh well, sa kanila ko na lang sisimulan:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkrRqpr7x_Eq7Cy6GKHB6Nxsf4TidVo-e2SgbrBqn8wVD3oidu5l5yVgtIupV4hJXJDQWZBdxApf7ypZGl_ij_6aRF5V7THfxJCRg2jSuf7X1ch3OLeooiZLBuvYtfrR4HmZBFZ_hrUFqh/s1600/rugby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkrRqpr7x_Eq7Cy6GKHB6Nxsf4TidVo-e2SgbrBqn8wVD3oidu5l5yVgtIupV4hJXJDQWZBdxApf7ypZGl_ij_6aRF5V7THfxJCRg2jSuf7X1ch3OLeooiZLBuvYtfrR4HmZBFZ_hrUFqh/s1600/rugby.jpg" height="265" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">COME HERE BOYS, PALILIGUAN KO NA KAYO |<b> </b><a href="http://philippinesgoforgold.blogspot.com/2011/07/philippine-rugby-team-photos-post.html">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Sino ang hindi mapapasambit ng "<i>Hmmm... Yummy!</i>" kapag nasisilayan ang ating <a href="https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=ben+cohen&client=firefox-a&hs=2pm&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1278&bih=892&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=6q4iVKXMM8OHjAKH84GACA&sqi=2&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&q=philippine+volcanoes">pambansang rugby team</a>? Favorite ko ang larong rugby, kahit na hindi ako sporty at wala akong kaalam-alam sa mga rules nito. Malamang alam niyo na ang dahilan. It's such a delight to watch these sweaty men pushing, hugging, and groping each other just for a ball. Ang swerte ng bola, pinag-aagawan siya ng mga naglalakihang otoko. Pucha, kainggit much.<br />
<br />
Mahilig kasi ako sa beefy. Sila yung merong naghuhumindig na muscles sa dibdib, mga braso, at mga hita. Hindi po gaya nitong sila kuya ha:<br />
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<tr><td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPZu6OfX50o3sAQk7-zPvsoCZpxVT6iR2kR0QD3xXQmeJc-ZvLFa7xdVrWIA0ZWoEwhw25ajIPtRWUYhNNR9fhWwfLS16rlM1I6zJlea_1YyNgJ2lTjKtig6OWqSD2J2gUZK87p4p_suPQ/s1600/gunter_big.jpg" height="200" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="160" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://builderbody.ru/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/gunter_big.jpg">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb9xLmp80v6-qi27NObw3o0FdaqzZUyGSudBzV4bO1EBAw-QmVb7lF9p3P_XG9zUYDmbmDTrlJWlfCACQtDFXsG2J_Sqjog9fjda5ocD2MXmM2KVvqiV71cKCLYjc0fCcpW0J5AWHUo1JE/s1600/Beefcake.jpg" height="200" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="165" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://nerdtrek.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Beefcake.jpg">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjawip0ImhAmlmTHoZYlfA7PJcGQdkqyIZRc4d9aQhJJqhlPqcSxOYPOGQxfCzXPTtV2iYVi1-VKlIyZMu6kblPQ2OvR-68wNFi6GNYD1wKYkoFzodYF3f62smSTOtvXe8SpOY68GSLHiyq/s1600/ronnie-coleman-interview-1.jpg" height="200" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="178" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://georgespellwin.efblogs.com/files/2014/02/ronnie-coleman-interview-1.jpg">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</center>
Kaumay sa maskels! Parang hazardous kapag niyakap mo sila. Sa gym na yata nakatira ang mga ito.<br />
<br />
Actually, sila po ang tinutukoy ko:<br />
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<tr><td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6wVv22cmMhOO06Y8f9skFs65xfugGzJjnmR81CpVWa3EUGekhxh9jJPjSOwTKoMxVs3Yj5p41RV50cAWkxvL-2OyYq2rUUjS6eT3S8RlodJ5MhRAGNBid8wyDN8xUhnxISwEUDrbeiKUJ/s1600/beef.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="246" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.tobuildleanmuscle.com/intelligent-training-is-key-to-building-lean-muscle">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYFYI5-mAb6sPrvAsV6D3w5spUn9oBw8e137N9Ei0Tpb83e0ImOY-9zcPpDGGXd2nkrmKoN1hVvtDLTI397bXLazdPVbYYii7QD3rYIm58NREnaSsPHk0eku3mBwU3XXcWW7JETNrIcCiB/s1600/beef3.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="170" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/144748575494416832/">source</a><span id="goog_1886563219"></span><span id="goog_1886563220"></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCvwwrRwfHeX9fha5Idoj3Wze-GKVTRA5YSTH8G2_Wqn0VnRf5I3QJDRnDDZkEllwfimOWEdH7-j5BHOrXFq4b3BFIpefAv4eOCCwJMtrnwDG-SItkOl-m3zDbSvlKULaOfTKACAilB_H7/s1600/bef2.jp" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="198" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://smashboards.com/threads/the-botanical-gardens-of-the-mushroom-kingdom.215820/page-915">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</center>
Hooo di ba? Malalaki ang katawan, pero may kaunting taba pa rin. Ang sarap lang magpaakbay at magpayakap sa kanila, especially on a cold rainy day. You'll feel very secure within their arms. May personal bodyguard ka na, may intimate lover ka pa. Ultimate hair lengthening ang effect!<br />
<br />
Pero ibang usapan na kung beefy na nga, tapos rugby player pa. Parang siya:<br />
<center>
<table>
<tbody>
<tr><td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk8pbUIL3Z0gEB9ZY1eAlOmOF5CdThlA4kWXtYwJvrtNbXSNDAvEnAfo8-rgAOtHRGr5zUehvl1c5iEIf_25LKRWDtXYS2GrcCfVi0idd2vlTLKT3rfRcqoFHUNJkTUBIX9Lcyij9PAjUA/s1600/ben1.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="240" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.nowmagazine.co.uk/tv-news/548764/strictly-come-dancing-s-ben-cohen-i-m-profoundly-deaf-and-have-to-lip-read-but-elton-john-helped-me-tremendously">source</a></td></tr>
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</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0nLpBAbxxshRl8DIU5HcMsEL6bm_fcWrZYy5TMfRNNGuiqNXi0IpxhdLXN3N_A6AvA7jhQxA1Y-SfDbt6y4KIPdbwwOGptFoEqqFKs6GoVyBApfrI7GHZNugm0CpTKbW4j6G9YbhrghBS/s1600/ben3.png" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="167" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.boxdeseries.com.br/site/do-jeito-que-a-gente-gosta/">source</a></td></tr>
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</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKGsUk9iSrZJ0xXlD-9gm21hnIZfAY1eumc2ZpMW0VrNvFlDY2mcNuuP_7moEb-ckVtGlO47wAPXdIlkE-y1nJz8nWY6d4t2xzlVCFkWlzy3CMyXRYVNS-nqYrd38btyJfLNwdHExSUtz7/s1600/Ben+Cohen+2.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="243" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://atrl.net/forums/showthread.php?t=460305">source</a></td></tr>
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Si Papa <a href="https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=ben+cohen&client=firefox-a&hs=2pm&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1278&bih=892&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=6q4iVKXMM8OHjAKH84GACA&sqi=2&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ">Ben Cohen</a>, ang aking ultimate crush sa mundo ng rugby. His irresistible smile, his hairy body, his thick arms and thighs, his plump butt... Everything about him is so nyarap! Another great thing about this piece of hunk is his advocacy against bullying. He is also a supporter of LGBT rights even though he's legitimately straight. Nagpatayo pa talaga siya ng foundation para sa species natin. Hindi lang siya physically gifted, admirable rin ang kanyang pagkatao, kaya naman sobrang in love ako sa kanya. Naglaway naman ako. Pati sa ibaba. Tissue nga please!<br />
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Noong bata ako, gustong-gusto ko ang WWE hindi dahil sa action, kundi dahil sa mga barako na mistulang naka-underwear lang, like them:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3kp0_zrMnZcH0kSa1jQwqyH-pdGpFmzgWuNJNjB-CZS8_PI9P4104HJlrGMrd7eIaCd1gFEvXGTXgvm_5oeMDjevRY_htNQalRRG7bD79l8ERUNHLLFYRfWp3fdOA7VpSH3CSzMggtbqk/s1600/wrestler1.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="219" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.catch-arena.com/catcheurs/photos/ted-dibiase-jr-79-p1#axzz3EJkN5lpZ">source</a></td></tr>
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</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuLgtteMuXlciaXXKEdJiXJecmHS23rqmhJixH0A5MJ_YdVvV5zbXybYDMfeLuHUIX8iOiYfY4EObtkyDFi8ZIJNzgtCXG4Q5z0lhbem40uAyeXOdgaz707Jd3moZMkMhC-SopRPBcursH/s1600/wrestler2.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="185" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://media.photobucket.com/user/PabbloHassan/media/masonryan.jpg.html?filters[term]=wwe%20mason%20ryan&filters[primary]=images&filters[secondary]=videos&sort=1&o=0">so<span id="goog_1368799382"></span><span id="goog_1368799383"></span>urce</a></td></tr>
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</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1F7yJVDIZRegp7KfHDeMvIktnGkXEWSHWUoBcI30LfAbtPsTnV3iVp4inuivh75niAWPiiFipztXJncHBx31Y8f2es9fxj2oL39hNHkRy5jmjJCjEPDaYsr-rfyw6sC_PMiwRPKmfIi8H/s1600/wrestler3.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="188" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.thereverend.com/wwe_in_lego/032.html">source</a></td></tr>
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Bugbugan, hampasan, balyahan, at kung ano-ano pang moves na madalas naming gayahin ng mga pinsan ko sa kabila ng paulit-ulit na warning na '<i>Do not try this at home.</i>' Halos semi-naked na kasi ang mga wrestler na mahilig pagdikitin ang kanilang mga pawis na katawan. Wala pa kong access sa gay porn noon so that's the closest I could get myself some man to man action. Ini-imagine ko na lang na naglalambingan lang sila instead na nag-aaway, o di kaya mga mag-fubu na may LQ. <br />
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Nung na-discover ko ang UFC, doon naman ako na-addict. Sino ba naman kasing baklita ang hindi mapapatitig sa ganitong mga eksena:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheMqINuXBhhe4KZs-6M7-AKPiTpu3SY9EtpjhwICtv3O17OcUnvJ4DHzYwTtvmCEnAyZe29g1B9PG_DYRD-l3wOJQUDhlmhsp8SoSfEqh2HcAthLx76iGbkekr8kOOvihWNwPhDSZDPLb5/s1600/ufc3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheMqINuXBhhe4KZs-6M7-AKPiTpu3SY9EtpjhwICtv3O17OcUnvJ4DHzYwTtvmCEnAyZe29g1B9PG_DYRD-l3wOJQUDhlmhsp8SoSfEqh2HcAthLx76iGbkekr8kOOvihWNwPhDSZDPLb5/s1600/ufc3.jpg" height="271" style="cursor: move;" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">PARANG RAPE SCENE LANG |<b> </b><a href="http://breakthehuddle.wordpress.com/tag/fighting/">source</a></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3odi9-4P7xyXLcYpdiu799kwDwd1vyNzJ-aHCUvjm1Qu0F243LBFBiwc-w3uMJK8DNO-7X5JjJHCqTs5r69G1pZAm0yTPvjtJlCOchLK9K9aMJpgkaAPC7ZptTuoWYuIqzlnJv64S9x3T/s1600/ufc2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3odi9-4P7xyXLcYpdiu799kwDwd1vyNzJ-aHCUvjm1Qu0F243LBFBiwc-w3uMJK8DNO-7X5JjJHCqTs5r69G1pZAm0yTPvjtJlCOchLK9K9aMJpgkaAPC7ZptTuoWYuIqzlnJv64S9x3T/s1600/ufc2.jpg" height="230" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ANG BUKAKA KING NG UFC |<b> </b><a href="http://entertainment.howstuffworks.com/ufc.htm">source</a></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF6xbr-OhBKSEIfKsrUfYJ35sWLTLasNcGHoxw-pxWpwjpq8TQsfbTWWTEeChGFTm4p-8a7emej9W_pyFllcP3Rt8tRzHnRN9uWLs4x0Tqnp0QuLy8imJ6P10cTyR5j1eXbk09b-QK-qtW/s1600/ufc1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF6xbr-OhBKSEIfKsrUfYJ35sWLTLasNcGHoxw-pxWpwjpq8TQsfbTWWTEeChGFTm4p-8a7emej9W_pyFllcP3Rt8tRzHnRN9uWLs4x0Tqnp0QuLy8imJ6P10cTyR5j1eXbk09b-QK-qtW/s1600/ufc1.jpg" height="231" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">SURPRISE BUTTSEX | <a href="http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/VAtUM-IImCN/Ultimate+Fighting+Championship+110/P5G_mrF4P4p/Igor+Pokrajac">source</a></td></tr>
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Nakakaloka! Eto pa oh:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9ZealM3IDnMHI-Y1lbSjeKRJhxtaUuEfrYQF85ykVJ1LVYLYUWa62Y4DkHFqCEkmnK0m63t9HLtucu4ZEfoeaGu6c9R3JqFAvxhXNgWh-SjJYIYsGpG3Hw87ker4-iB9P-Guu0LkVdRfW/s1600/ufc4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9ZealM3IDnMHI-Y1lbSjeKRJhxtaUuEfrYQF85ykVJ1LVYLYUWa62Y4DkHFqCEkmnK0m63t9HLtucu4ZEfoeaGu6c9R3JqFAvxhXNgWh-SjJYIYsGpG3Hw87ker4-iB9P-Guu0LkVdRfW/s1600/ufc4.jpg" height="218" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">SURPRISE BLOWJOB | <a href="http://www.pointsincase.com/articles/4-businesses-make-millions-if-combined">source</a></td></tr>
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Effective 'to lalo na kung malakas ang imagination mo na gaya ko. Keri na kung may dugo, basta magyakapan lang sila hanggang maabot ko ang langit. lol <br />
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Sa panahon ngayon, sino pa ba ang hindi familiar sa HBO series na 'Game of Thrones'? Mapa-girl, mapa-boy, bakla man o tomboy ay nanonood nito. Aside from the numerous surprises and twists in its epic story, sagana rin ang show na ito sa mga nude scenes. Ito yung tipo ng palabas na hindi mo pwedeng panoorin kasama ng parents o lolo't lola mo. Hitik ito sa frontal nudity, outdoor sex, and bed scenes. Ultimo rape and BDSM ay meron.<br />
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Sa dami ng yummy characters nito, dalawa ang pinakapinagpapantasyahan ko. Una siya:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggicFAyOJdUkrQ66Kh-wYWmxXn1Ewrz5zxf-4B1sH9e963BdN1nkJfNq52bi_I7xxOvkaCBPjq55DENFwprjzQQ-uomh204CzAmkqBnB7BhtVpne0mxI776vgPNFN9UaheBV7bNXFFfQG0/s1600/drogo2.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="225" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.melty.fr/halloween-2013-game-of-thrones-les-deguisements-possibles-galerie-637505-1860959.html">source</a></td></tr>
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<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv5TzQdlYhv9O1W4nsue03KS-RaDiX7kGRuX2Z8_L-OL-xoJL_cKGDSkFwhgOkZocY_QCb7RC-nTkFWXBt6Dn1KKRG52O7JcoA-1_05iV-xK0azlf-yhu8caZEoWVjC3A0YwW_rI6gwXyy/s1600/drogo3.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="266" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.superherofan.net/2011/05/03/jason-momoa-naked-in-game-of-thrones/">source</a></td></tr>
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Khal Drogo was the powerful warlord of the biggest Dothraki tribe in Essos, portrayed by <a href="https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=jason+momoa&client=firefox-a&hs=SX6&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=aaAiVOfgBIbc8AXjloDABA&ved=0CAgQ_AUoAQ">Jason Mamoa</a>. Brutal siya at warfreak, pero sobrang lakas ng sex appeal. Hilig niya ang dog style at backdoor entry; hindi ako kumukurap tuwing may eksena siyang mistulang straight out of a porn movie. Unfortunately, maaga siyang namatay (oops, spoiler), pero isa siya dahilan kung bakit na-enjoy ko ang season 1.<br />
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And the second one is:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5z_CRgRbq5sYwSy7MQxu7XHo5a2c_VZEwn3aGkelnjjJwhEgSkFsD8QFDcDmPLlqeJcfVbK4KldO_jttoWFKDU9JD746GprSlp6OpFUv7nbjpUIsKHd36wdU9aNtekn1Nr65MNR14GCrq/s1600/themountain-gregor-clegane.png" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="224" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://gameofthrones-recap.com/gregor-clegane-the-mountain/">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCtvWdFQrHti7PzsOUg2RoGVD0YDetz4vXirswm_1uId7lSTbYzvXH7YWaPjMBVNcLigySuhLXCOCIPIB7_x0lC9hxG6exqKGTrqfhrYL8gx-lqjUz1gT55oOJw42r3JekFO64FI8lp-E8/s1600/Gregor_Clegane_4x07.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="221" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://gameofthrones.wikia.com/wiki/Gregor_Clegane">source</a></td></tr>
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Ser Gregor Clegane, also called 'The Mountain That Rides', is a knight of the Seven Kingdoms full of bloodlust, portrayed by <a href="https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=Haf%C3%BE%C3%B3r+J%C3%BAl%C3%ADus+Bj%C3%B6rnsson&client=firefox-a&hs=FN7&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=9KwiVISAFoqiigKAnYD4Cw&ved=0CAgQ_AUoAQ&biw=1278&bih=892">Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson</a> (his name is a mouthful). Looking at the pics, obvious naman siguro kung gaano siya karahas at kaborta. Sadly, wala pa siyang sex scenes, pero umaasa ako na magkakaroon din siya balang-araw. Ewan ko ba, pero I have this affinity towards violent-looking men. Parang ang sarap lang magpa-kidnap at magpa-rape dito kay ser Gregor. #MasochistMuch<br />
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Siyempre hindi rin naman magpapahuli ang mga <strike>inii-stalk</strike> hinahangan kong local celebrities. Heto sila, ang mga madalas na bida ng aking mga panaginip:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCZHzRLpBmZJ9e2hRsq-KEur5_zP5qe1Xt47LPqs3mg8sEUbahgxPHSsvvmVzpNhX9EH9jNyL54oo3pXKNk1y_jk4z4gspxmAYPWb7bEBBLBcD4xewi3XmN_RrUL-o-jpkOphVEhDF-eoC/s1600/ferds.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gmanetwork.com/news/video/reporters/docferdsrecio">source</a></td></tr>
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</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiimnoJRNmZNtbBPugCTq2Iqyin067ujMeBMzWCycxjDhCUrJDS7inYpXlcUhm9WXz8lJBe7jldzccTasAqrkFcPRmYUat63kCFuNOAtaebub7QST3gu8GVM9kW-q8GDf6XbN2AtxnnYPCw/s1600/ferds.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="243" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aJNNubpwpJ8/Ue83Vu8lDPI/AAAAAAAAW-I/_gFin-QbTaE/s1600/Doc%2BFerdz%2BRecio%2B6.jpg">source</a></td></tr>
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Unahin na natin si <a href="https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=geoff+eigenmann&client=firefox-a&hs=wGH&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1272&bih=889&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=H1EpVMTXIpfq8AWp04L4Bw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&q=ferds+recio">Doc Ferds</a>, ang hottest veterinarian in the Philippines. Kilay pa lang, ulam na. Wala pa diyan ang achievements niya sa buhay. Kahit di ako nanonood ng T.V., sinubaybayan ko talaga ang Survivor Philippines dahil sa kanya. Minsan nga iniisip ko na sana naging hayop na lang ako para lang mahimas niya. Meron siyang isa pang assistant na yummy din, pero mas prefer ko itong si Doc Ferds. Fresh na fresh palagi.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXS0LTjFi1G19NpXUR303rJtRCd7TmaiDLz-cXwRBbflyqldqXu-Cmulj-M0wSsVcMCOO2HumCyk5QEebzyfLwKzpELbZLVenhGLz1EjumDDhGg8gvLn6oflG4n0QHue7rcZjHh5zD97xB/s1600/joem.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="213" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.showbiz-portal.com/2011/10/joem-bascon-as-fiercest-aswang-leader.html">source</a></td></tr>
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</td>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiopOIOFTqGwAQxokvSP3OXbKd8aR2TikGP7NaMPl5_aK1C7tITtoVSsmABvbDzW8f1jSAjcG7AwovY07fz5TMYxilU5M1QRW0bHuA40O7mUcOpIOx0NbswaRy-ZqoiwgPFFsWRIpuCcHbq/s1600/joem.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="216" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://sssip.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/joem-in-the-flesh/">source</a></td></tr>
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Look at <a href="https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=geoff+eigenmann&client=firefox-a&hs=wGH&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1272&bih=889&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=H1EpVMTXIpfq8AWp04L4Bw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&q=joem+bascon&spell=1">Papa Joem</a>, parang ang sarap lang pupugin ng halik di ba? *ooh* Those lips... He resembles Piolo Pascual, but much better-looking. Imagine my reaction nung nakita ko yung picture niya with Jake Cuenca sa ilog, halos mabaliw ako sa tuwa. Muntik na akong magpa-party.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://hotasianguys.blogspot.com/2009/10/geoff-eigenmann-filipino-actor-on-new.html">source</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWEuTm7_yN14P9ySyUsROPLTLbUwJJdk8lGaM9BFfFM6wnfuMXo7Ihb_JTrnPoG4l2mqSBBCiPI0YvGI3WXFwAjTmHo75DYhOeB0eLCiP1y9eloffFaNmtj-T-eMjaaShMznMtxeWIFCYs/s1600/geoff.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="155" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-udSjEzqJWIA/VAsiAdaWtQI/AAAAAAAA4Ro/hV7OrEk0fSQ/s1600/Geoff%2BEigenmann.jpg">source</a></td></tr>
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When I first laid my eyes on <a href="https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=geoff+eigenmann&client=firefox-a&hs=wGH&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1272&bih=889&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=H1EpVMTXIpfq8AWp04L4Bw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ">Papa Geoff</a>, na-in love agad ako sa kanya. Boyfriend material kasi siya tignan. Maamo ang mukha, mukhang maganda ang personality, pero wild in bed. Meron siyang issue lately sa home network niya because of his weight, kaya naman nag-gym siya for a time. Pero chubby man siya o fit, mahal na mahal ko siya. Kung pagbibigyan man ako ng Diyos na maka-sex siya, pwede na akong mamatay anytime.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://akihirosato.blogspot.com/2009/11/one-last-vote-for-akihiro.html">source</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU07hOcAmbOLRegK2Nm_DM30sDva12s38sAw4yZwR62mKYA2RkZMbm_uZHDvJwrwFKvRvw0anI8ZqKHD-eA0vp6ax2sBbxEe1OnoV8xmmigr52poID7ixZNoJ-aw2ipXfQwIqm3XXtgYwU/s1600/aki.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="218" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://forums.soompi.com/discussion/189545/thai-model-akihiro-sato">source</a></td></tr>
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Kung meron mang anghel sa lupa, isa na doon si <a href="https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=geoff+eigenmann&client=firefox-a&hs=wGH&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1272&bih=889&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=H1EpVMTXIpfq8AWp04L4Bw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&q=akihiro+sato">Baby Aki</a>. Yung ngiti pa lang niya na 'yan, pwede nang gayuma, without fail. Parang ang sarap lang niya alagaan at pagsilbihan, tapos sa kama ka niya babayaran. Kahit magpa-alila na ako sa kanya forever.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://megastyle.ph/parties/smart-mega-pinoy-pride-ball-people/">Add caption</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.pinoypopbiz.com/ppb2/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=774:smr722&catid=10:news">source</a></td></tr>
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Hindi ko alam kung sino kila Papa Geoff at <a href="https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=geoff+eigenmann&client=firefox-a&hs=wGH&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1272&bih=889&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=H1EpVMTXIpfq8AWp04L4Bw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&q=victor+aliwalas">Daddy Vic</a> ang ultimate crush ko, pero sigurado akong hindi huli sa listahan si Daddy Vic. Look at him, just look at him! Kailangan ko pa bang i-explain? Maituturing na sobrang suitable itong si Daddy Vic, yung tipong ipapakilala mo agad sa parents mo, no second thoughts. Sideline niya lang ang showbiz career niya dahil ang pagiging isang business manager ang talagang peg niya sa buhay. Pamilyadong tao na si Daddy Vic pero walang kupas pa rin ang kanyang yumminess.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/7zBYaDVD9DP/Independence+Photocall+2009+Cannes+Film+Festival/qjAbMqjLu1v/Sid+Lucero">source</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg4A_pUce7IvzBxK36kNp441RPd-532j5eED1zurEDtGFeR7tS-TW-cR-04uQE1lIUiCprkAoVPax74vKlPqNvjhO6sIpd-G1HVfYCXeNMzPehtaMDwepZ9cMs3MjSckVnW8I8phB4zKg0/s1600/sid2.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="215" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://missosology.info/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=127602">source</a></td></tr>
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Gusto-gusto ko yung Español look ni <a href="https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=geoff+eigenmann&client=firefox-a&hs=wGH&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1272&bih=889&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=H1EpVMTXIpfq8AWp04L4Bw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&q=sid+lucero">Papa Sid</a>. Those innocent eyes and that facial hair are his best features. I often imagine us having a candlelit dinner while talking about ourselves all night, just having fun. Ang romantic lang di ba? That's how I see Papa Sid. He's a stellar actor, proven by his latest film 'Norte, Hangganan ng Kasaysayan'.<br />
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Pagdating naman sa mga otokong naka-uniporme, malakas ang dating sa akin ng mga pulis, mga sundalo, security guards, mga piloto, seamen, bouncers, construction workers, etc. Ang lakas kasi maka-barako ng trabaho nila. Example:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKSuEqRzca7NiA6PvJRGnWK3d7RMHH9kp_kImMhyphenhyphenfyARx-TnenjN9zbt8pG0QrqzkjLR7w5pDKlqlBBKIXFXRRDXv6TwmVBs9Swi-wDMIeLXNNs4c7AFeT0qFMWTKsz7FjcE8CVPNt3Gma/s1600/guard.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="148" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://misschuniverse.blogspot.com/2011/01/akin-ka-na-lang.html">source</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLOC49u8Lq5_zvk2G0WcTSV95WZYBFEz0EbKHR6VUEyyinp9lyf1uF24T8rKrkTZEZuW22cdJwEYokaYcRrb6Ko6KlJm10hO5n2kCPRHZOqn7YF9cmicNH4gQzTJkuDQg4xQSy-zILRQEs/s1600/soldier.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="208" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://misschuniverse.blogspot.com/2011/10/si-diomedes-at-ang-kanyang-etchoserang.html">source</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheuWG1dpYLDdfclEdJ6V2bjUW1aUiQhAmbz2VK0fyOPVJJc7VOSeM6NbUkH2_hEvkYpUdUtQq5UZtqCoUQimc7nhU2FQZvqnwrTDStPhih-AjdqvrUtD38bX_HUao1KNbhQz7Ukg7Act2o/s1600/pulis.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="255" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.allocine.fr/personne/fichepersonne-141594/photos/detail/?cmediafile=18856654">source</a></td></tr>
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Dahil fetish ko ito, marami akong fantasies involving them. Feeling ko, ang sarap lang hubarin ng damit nila one piece at a time habang binubusog ko ang mga mata ko. And then sabayan mo pa ng roleplay. Exciting! Titillating! Exhilarating! Definitely a dream come true.<br />
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For me, ang mga lalaki ay parang hard liquor: the more mature, the better. That's why may special place sa puso ko ang older men:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWwhQYC-NUfexHS7dnmibupl32sHglpjPP9RgHfpfTpKuSzIB04fuWYapepMVEE-n8DnuMOlDS-gbHq8qS8v6-Q517IEcQSABuOXMryuCv_86j3raVln6_FyJ-V7fvbFW2MVqwGbvDQuGo/s1600/dad2.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="233" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://mappedbywhatsurroundedthem.blogspot.com/2014/03/non-sequiturs_27.html">source</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2530178/Chef-Robert-Irvine-49-displays-ripped-chest-romantic-stroll-wrestler-wife-Hawaii.html">source</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/de/a1/27/dea12706275e030a9674b2f84416c239.jpg">source</a></td></tr>
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I have this belief na if mahilig ka sa daddy-type, may chance na na-molestya ka nung bata ka pa. <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.com/2013/08/c.html">Ako kasi ganon</a>. And marami rin akong kilala na kagaya ko. Akala ko nung una ay nag-iisa lamang ako, pero as I meet new people, nalaman kong marami pala kami. Though may ganito akong fetish, wala akong nararamdamang pagnanasa sa tatay o mga lolo ko. Hindi ko kaya ang ganoong level ng incest no. Tito o ninong siguro, pwede pa. lol<br />
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I also have a weakness for hairy men.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://guillehg.tumblr.com/post/59898902218">source</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmaGCWbjyRqoE0TpRijTNdO8kdY2xkofp5xxb19oIbItsU-uBf7hdOHU8xAB3X2-fJct1fSymlM5w1_EFH8fwjXVq4zxDU726gbhj4BYMFGtx4Bj-IWsejNLo9NqQ7-G5Z55Y3YIM3swP-/s1600/hairy3.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="159" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.pinoyparazzi.com/anyareee-083113/">source</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1YSguw_kL4jwJk8GVPpkixPLaL65hyphenhyphendCoseJTO-E29AypMUuVei8wKAnab2udd41JNmUyyksKbaF8qOxEPotdw2seGu2Cz_xCcJ6iYf6KRjQb1upLfAw8osqw7PD5faw7ZMSVFmSKMiV8/s1600/hairy2.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="198" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/532409987169288971/">source</a></td></tr>
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Because of their genes, matataas ang testosterone level ng mga balbon. And if high ang testosterone, mas manly ang pag-develop ng katawan. Nanghihina ako sa tuwing nakaka-sight ng balbas-sarado. Kaya target kong mapuntahan ang Middle East balang araw. Pero magbabaon muna ako ng multi-vitamins, baka kasi di na ako makatayo sa sobrang panghihina dun. Kailangang makatayo, para makarami!<br />
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Dahil top ang role ko sa bed, favorite ko yung mga ganito:<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://guysbutts-otherhotthings.tumblr.com/post/76765381265">source</a></td></tr>
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</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEwYsrYSzux-d9iK2Q4tiNbVOd8HqK4oYeryLTno1FFJCcJs9mlPaGLyJ-X6hAHfjP3HYY-MpOR0V0qYr1Xv8OxQ1mKJzXj5duDxQ7weGeB9rgjV5bnujaOrFIbpdyq9tIC5ydebKRUXBn/s1600/ass2.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="170" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://man-butts.tumblr.com/post/71449633221">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvqQpLCb_iFVON9vQSi-GVPtVvQHaCspFkg11JiO4-Xdq6HexTQvV63e6Hn5ZPGAzR-3iiiBMvHsi6ZXe7fKdP3cPzwAEhw2FgvSzHrh72inA7aN6vp5-d05se4DpIyKGuG0334tjWjEWO/s1600/ass1.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="149" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://insidejamarifox.com/pre-baller-wolf-meat-354/">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</center>
*hmmm* Ulalam! Ang sarap gawing almusal, tanghalian, at hapunan ang ganyang pwet. Irresistible sa tambok, nakaka-gigil tapik-tapikin, at yummy kagat-kagatin. Kapag nakakakita ako ng otokong may bubble butt, parang gusto kong isubsob ang mukha ko at gawin siyang unan. *hihi* <br />
<br />
Of course, because I am not muscular or manly myself, hindi ko na inaasahan pa na makakuha ng gaya ng mga nasa itaas. Solve na ako sa mga gaya kong skinny-fat ang katawan, as long as may looks, at lalo na kung chinito rin. Iba kasi ang effect sa akin ng mga singkit, especially if chubby pa. Magwe-wet agad ang mga dapat mabasa.<br />
<center>
<table>
<tbody>
<tr><td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinj70sYRkkw8AhPUAF4-dJmF9VRDMG7F8CaMDrzclvhcNSFJkfuIZl12XrsrW2GIuvK0oyAjjIuBbFawtzYupSE3acN0RCVHHvtdPkAfOUdgIZ7KV8tOYsvkfIdo9zQ7Q0OQ5lEKzHSVqD/s1600/asian2.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="162" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://jimenian.blogspot.com/2013/12/my-facebook-asian-muscle-bear-awards.html">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD0hlL_mACgutR-0ILFx8CZgwlSi4Dz-a88-aHaDXOV1gRo2OznRTp1w1SaWEbE8iwOQHOZMM99M9hg9VO62s5tHX_Ps3ZGRfgqWQ3seaaJtUHGej0r6Mf6x4iNMgTSMphkBQ4AORypBHR/s1600/asian3.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="250" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://jimenian.blogspot.com/2013/12/results-out-for-top-5-asian-muscle-bears.html">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1B_HUCTph8C75KIm1JycvQgehDNc0YTCPJF4jefCek18wf1JHebElW8riOKzQn8Qhu51YN1urUQcVjYtLiX6yjCLGwVxCdU-xUkzhpAOrh4xR_WEFZNVg-OKGAxzMQn2TeczTa0h-6ojU/s1600/asian1.jpg" height="320" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="155" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=660607527356108&id=100002206009684&set=a.139642866119246.37056.100002206009684">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</center>
Mahilig akong makipag-cuddle, lalo na after sex or kapag naglalambing. Because of their warmth and softness, masarap silang ka-snuggle sa kama. They are my most ideal type of guys.<br />
<br />
Di ko hilig ang mas bata sa akin, tulad ng mga estudyante o kahit yung mga mukhang teenager na kaedad ko. I think this is the reason kaya hindi effective yung ginawa sa akin noon ni <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.com/2013/12/gaano-kalakas-ang-kabog-ng-dibdib-ko.html">Jimmy</a>. Though there are those that I find cute, especially tuwing sumasakay ako ng LRT Line 2, they don't really turn me on. Isama niyo na rin yung mga macho na nagpapaka-bagets sa porma at ugali pero they're already way past their teenage years. I find them annoying, really.<br />
<br />
Ayaw ko rin sa twinks. I don't find slim and skinny boys ideal for snuggle o'clock. I think this is based on the fact na panganay ako sa aming magkakapatid, and puro payat pa ang siblings ko, so subconsciously, my brain tells me to avoid men which could remind me of them. Ang weird nga naman kung sa kalagitnaan ng sex ay maalala ko sila di ba. Boner killer 'yun kung magkataon.<br />
<br />
Siyempre, alam ko naman na mas importante pa rin kung ano ang nasa panloob. The personality, beliefs, and values still make a big difference in my choices. Pero ibang topic naman na 'yun.<br />
<br />
Ikaw ba sister, physically, what's your dream guy like? :)</div>
Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-35045764292494878602014-08-28T14:21:00.000+08:002014-08-28T19:12:32.622+08:00The Rain Makes The Ground Firm<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>I have a question,</i>" I told Nate, "<i>I know Brix's death was quite unexpected, but didn't you have any inkling about his illness before he committed suicide? With those symptoms, surely you had a clue or two.</i>"<br>
<br>
He considered it for a moment. <br>
<br>
"<i>Well... I guess him being HIV positive crossed my mind at least once. But the thought, aside from being horrible, seemed farfetched, so I dismissed it. I told myself, 'I am negative, so how on Earth would he be positive?' </i><i>I was still ignorant of his cheating habits, remember? I trusted him with all my heart. </i><i>Besides, that goddamn virus was unfamiliar to me back then; I know almost nothing about it,</i>" he clarified.<br>
<br>
"<i>Okay... Fair enough,</i>" I said, "<i>What happened next?</i>"<br>
<br>
He took a deep breath before continuing, "<i>After discovering Brix's treachery, I began to see myself as a filthy, ragged doll. An object to be used with no need for respect. A wasted human being stripped off from his purpose in life. Someone whose expiration date was already tattooed across his face, someone without a future to look forward to... I did my best to look happy in front of my family and my friends. However, in my mind, I knew that I'd never feel normal again.</i>"<br>
<br>
"<i>You didn't seek help? Did you get yourself tested?</i>" I questioned.<br>
<br>
"<i>Why would I when I already have limited time?</i>" he countered, "<i>I focused on fully submitting myself to carnal pleasures. It was actually a bit mild at first. I started by bringing various men as dates to places frequented by Brix and me. It should be a place that meant a lot to us, because I wanted to desecrate its significance and the memories it kept. Then, I would lead them to my apartment so that I could fuck them 'til they're sore—sometimes, the other way around—right in the same bed where Brix used to cheat on me... The bottoms who I topped and the tops who bottomed me were mostly men I know nothing about. Faceless strangers whose only desire was pure mindless sex. After that, I became much, much wilder. An uncontrolled beast. I tried a ton of things: shady massage parlors, random public encounters, bathhouses, outdoor sex, threesomes, orgies, BDSM... Even illegal drugs... I turned into an illogical maniac and an irresponsible bitch. That was me for almost 2 years. The amount of sex I had was too numerous that I had lost count how many the unprotected ones were.</i>"<br>
<br>
"<i>All of that just for revenge... Did you tell them your status?</i>" I uttered, perplexed.<br>
<br>
Nate seemed to figure out what was going on in my head, so he defended, "<i>I was blinded with anger and revenge, Sep. I locked away the old Nate deep inside, the old me who's honest and uncorrupted, then I buried the key together with Brix </i><i>six feet below the ground.</i>"<br>
<br>
An awkward silence fell between us. I know I should feel sorry for my friend, but I couldn't help being judgmental.<i> Engaging in unprotected sex while knowing you're positive is like sentencing innocent people to a slow death</i>, I thought<i>, spreading the deadly virus like that, it's unspeakable.</i><br>
<br>
I pushed my mind to focus on understanding him instead, setting my subjective feelings aside, and asked, carefully, "<i>Were you satisfied? After everything you've done?</i>"<br>
<br>
"<i>A part of me says yes... Somehow, everything I did felt kind of liberating... It helped with the pain one way or another...</i>" he answered slowly.<br>
<br>
"<i>How about the other parts? What did they say?</i>" I probed.<br>
<br>
Nate stared at me, unsure, and said, "<i>One night, while I was grinding my ass on top of someone, an epiphany struck me. I don't know exactly how, but it was rather uninvited. I stopped, climbed out of the bed without a word, and went straight to the bathroom, much to my fuck buddy's dismay. For a while, he pounded continuously at the door, very worried, but I ignored him... Inside there, as I surveyed myself in front of the mirror, a part of me felt extremely exhausted. Suddenly, I became aware of how tired I was. How every muscle and bone in my body were already numb from all the nonsense I did. </i><i>Another part showed me how foolish and weak I have become.</i><i> How I let myself be driven by rage, by vengeance. How I profaned my body like a disposable rag. Then another said I had enough, that the time has come to end the evil streak I had begun. And one part was full of regrets. I could see all of them in front of me. All the innocent people I had involved in my madness. I could see them pointing at me, shouting obscenities, hurling insults and blame... </i><i>I don't know how long exactly I was in there.</i><i> When I came out, the guy was already gone, perhaps pissed off with the sudden turn of events, but I no longer cared. I lay there in my bed that night, realizations continued to float inside my head. I had thought that no matter what I do, no matter how much I abuse my body using sex, revenge was evidently futile. Brix was long gone; I can no longer inflict back the pain he had given me. It was myself I was already hurting, not him. I had beaten myself up, voluntarily taking the blame for his sins.</i>"<br>
<br>
I remained silent, studying him closely.<br>
<br>
"<i>I know it took me quite a while to realize all of that,</i>" he chuckled, "<i>But better late than never, right?</i>"<br>
<br>
I found myself smiling again. Nate really was something, like a complex piece of work that requires a chunk of your time to fully grasp its deep and abstract meaning. Headache-inducing, in other words, if you'd think too much about it.<br>
<br>
"<i>I guess...</i>" I said, coolly, "<i>Now that you're a changed man, how did you redeem yourself?</i>"<br>
<br>
"<i>Well, it wasn't easy, you know. Forgiving, letting go... The pain still lingered inside, but I couldn't do much about it, so I decided to face once and for all the root of the problem,</i>" he explained, "<i>I went to visit Brix's grave. For the first time. Alone.</i>"<br>
<br>
"<i>You never visited before?</i>" I repeated, slightly surprised.<br>
<br>
"<i>Would that I could... If I went there prematurely, I would have just kicked his tombstone. Maybe spit at it too,</i>" he said, "<i>Things I might regret later on.</i>"<br>
<br>
I nodded.<br>
<br>
"<i>Sitting there beside him, I fought back the tears as they filled my eyes. I told myself beforehand that I would not cry, but I couldn't help it, so I let them fall,</i>" he shared, "<i>I talked to him, spilling the contents of my heart and my mind. I ended up saying a lot: the bottled-up frustrations I kept for so long, the agony I experienced, the difficulties I faced and endured, the various dirty escapades I had sought; basically everything that happened to me after he left. I shouted at him, I scolded him for his screw ups, I laughed, I cried some more, and then I kept silent. I was lucky no one was there but me. You might think I'm insane if you had seen me that time... After my dramatic monologue, it occurred to me how badly I miss Brix. I missed being with him, sharing stories with him, complaining to him, asking him for advices, laughing with him, arguing with him, sleeping beside him, hugging and kissing him while saying how much I love him, pleasuring him... That moment, I wanted him back so that I could say goodbye properly. Face to face. That day, I decided to finally forgive him. And I forgave myself as well. I realized I should start the path towards healing. It's time to leave it all behind and face the bigger problem. As I left the cemetery, I felt like a ton lighter. After 2 years, I've tasted freedom once more. Freedom from all the chains that kept me tethered to him. Freedom from the intense pain. Freedom from the overwhelming regrets.</i>"<br>
<br>
"<i>Wow, Nate...</i>" was all I managed to say.<br>
<br>
"<i>Like I said, it wasn't easy,</i>" he reminded, "<i>A week later, I got myself tested. It's confirmed; I'm positive, and my CD4 levels were quite low already.</i>"<br>
<br>
"<i>Early detection is essential for someone who's infected,</i>" I supplied, "<i>It helps them manage their disease more properly.</i>"<br>
<br>
He nodded and said, "<i>I began practicing safe sex and I always make sure that my partner is
aware of my status. I won't mind if he backs out; I fully respect their decision. I also decided to become an advocate for HIV
prevention. Doing that, I
thought, might somehow make up for all the people I consciously
infected. Redemption for the evil acts I committed. I'm still a
volunteer until now... Anyway, </i><i>after another week, I left the apartment once and for all, going back to my parents to stay with them. I don't want to be alone as much as possible. I began to spend more time with my family, as well as my friends; they had been extremely worried. I told them the truth about Brix's death and the effect it had on me. I told them my status too. They were devastated, especially my parents. I got an earful from them, believe me. But they understood and supported me nonetheless. They remind me almost every day to keep myself healthy and in shape, admonishing me whenever I fail to follow... Lastly, from time to time, I still visit Brix, to talk to him and enjoy the peace that his grave gives...</i>"<br>
<br>
It was quiet for several minutes as I try to absorb all of it. Nate fixed his hair, waiting for me to react.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br>
"<i>I never expect that there would be such a life as difficult as yours. If I were in your shoes, I would have no idea on how to continue living,</i>" I thought out loud.<br>
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Sep...</i>" he said softly, "<i>Yes, there would be instances wherein love may become frustratingly confusing and life could be insanely difficult. But what you mustn't fail to do is to keep on fighting to survive; you owe it to yourself since you already made it far. </i><i>The future is a mystery that you should always get excited about.</i><i> You're still young. It's perfectly okay to make mistakes. Make as many as you can, if you must, and then learn from them.</i>"</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br>
"<i>Is it really frightening, Nate? Already knowing your end?</i>" I innocently asked.<br>
<br></div>
He chuckled heartily, putting his arm around my shoulders, and said, "<i>Sep, when things go grim, don't see it as an end. Instead, look at it as another beginning, a new chapter in life... That's what I do.</i>"<br>
<br>
"<i>One last question though,</i>" I said, hesitating a little.<br>
<br>
He nodded.<br>
<br>
I looked down and asked, "<i>In case of a different situation, one in which you are well, do I have a chance? I mean, with you?</i>"<br>
<br>
He gave me warm smile before he answered, "<i>I want to be honest with you, Geosef... If that's the case, then I would still say no. I am sorry. Believe me, I am... One day, when you are older and much more experienced, I'm sure you'll understand why.</i>"<br>
<br>
With that, Nate and I agreed to remain good friends.<br>
<br>
We
continued our friendship even after I stopped joining clans for good. Over the years, we made it a point to catch up every now and then. He
was fond of listening to my experiences, often reminding me whenever I fail to mention the lessons I've gained from them. And I also enjoyed hearing his stories about him
being a volunteer and an advocate against HIV. He would usually lecture
me about safe sex and he would constantly advise me to get tested. I was
glad that he's having fun in spite of the struggle he's battling
within. I made sure that he can always count on me, in addition to the immense support he gets from his family and other friends.
Eventually, however, his body began to weaken, so our conversations
became mostly through calls and texts. I became exceedingly busy at work, so there was no time to visit him in person<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">—s</span>omething he said he perfectly understand.<br>
<br>
Until early last year, news reached me that Nate finally succumbed to the ill effects of AIDS. <br>
<br>
I went to his wake, and the first thing that I asked his Mom was, "<i>Who was with him when he died? Did he suffer before his body gave up?</i>"<br>
<br>
To which she tearfully answered, "<i>No,
I believe Nathan died happy. We were with him on his final moments...
Smiling like that before he took his last breath, like there's nothing
wrong. I know he wanted to make it easier for us.</i>"<br>
<br>
Surely, I
learned a lot from Nate. Submitting yourself to pain and then surviving it, learning to forgive completely, and maintaining an unwavering hope are some of it. Hearing his mother's words, I suddenly remembered what he
told me once; inspiring words that I will never ever forget.<br>
<br>
He said, "<i>Do
not pity me, Geosef. Pity Brix instead. He died alone and broken. Isn't
that the most horrible way to go? I won't let that happen to me, I tell
you. Unlike him, I have the courage to steer my way back on the right course. I
know things won't be easy... But I guess fighting for your life is what
makes it worth living.</i>"<br>
<br>
I felt my heavy heart go lighter, and then I smiled. Indeed, the ground becomes firm after the rain. Sepsephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08460312460223035946noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-60025185140505507622014-08-16T08:28:00.001+08:002014-10-20T23:22:37.565+08:00The Debt We All Must PayI could see Nate was doing his best not to cry. The memory must be too painful for him.<br />
<br />
"<i>I was three days into my trip when I received a call. I can
still remember it clearly; I was shopping for dried mangoes, for Brix
'cause that's his favorite, when my phone started ringing. The name of Brix's best friend, Ella, was flashing on the screen. When I answered it, the first thing I heard was her sobbing, which made me ask if there's anything wrong. 'Nate, where are you? Come home, please. Brix
is...' she mumbled. 'What? Why? What happened to him?!' I asked, worried. And then she said, in a cracked voice, the words I'm dreading,
'He's, he's gone... Your neighbor found him... Earlier this morning... Please Nate... Please come home...' </i>" he recounted.<br />
<br />
"<i>Huh? But how?</i>" I asked, confused.<br />
<br />
"<i>Self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head,</i>" he revealed.<br />
<br />
I was taken aback; I was able to deduce Brix's problem, but I didn't expect his gruesome end.<br />
<br />
"<i>Yes,</i>" he said, "<i>I was rooted on the spot, Sep, hyperventilating. I didn't know what to do. Or better yet, I felt like I was the one who died. I can't really recall much of what happened afterwards. All I remember is that my Mom brought me to a nearby clinic, telling me that I had some sort of a panic attack. Once I calmed down, I immediately booked a plane ticket. I flew back later that day and went straight to where they're holding Brix's wake.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>I'm sorry to hear that, Nate,</i>" I said.<br />
<br />
"<i>It was a closed casket, Sep... His parents didn't want him to be seen with an obvious wound on his forehead. They didn't let me look even though I told them I don't mind, so I just cried silently beside his coffin, my hands caressing its cold surface. I did my best to be subtle, but I noticed a handful of people staring at me. Their gazes were kind of like accusatory. Somehow, through their eyes, I could feel they're blaming me for what happened. I tried asking his family regarding the reason behind his death, but no one provided the answers I need. All of them were cold towards me, including his sister whom I was closest with. When they told me that I should surrender to them Brix's possessions that were left in our apartment, I had a hunch that that's why they even let me come. It was all too much for me, so I decided to go home,</i>" he said.<br />
<br />
Tears were forming in his eyes now. It seemed like Nate seldom shares this story.<br />
<br />
"<i>I went straight to bed and just lay there, mourning for Brix. </i><i></i><i>He promised me he'll be alright, but then with a gunshot, he left me behind.</i> <i>With just one bullet, he killed two lives: his and mine.</i> <i>I was so confused, Sep. I had a handful of questions running in my mind, such as 'Why did he kill himself?', 'Why did he abandon me so selfishly?', 'Where the hell did he get that gun?', and so on... </i><i>I also asked myself several times what the fuck went wrong; how come we ended up that way?</i><i> All night, I </i><i>ignored the calls and texts of my family and friends.</i> <i>I wanted to be left alone in my despair. I stopped thinking and just cried my eyes out until they're sore,</i>" he lamented, "<i>The next morning, I was crying again as I cleaned the bloodstains in our bathroom.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>My God, that's awful...</i>" I said.<br />
<br />
"<i>All I wished that time was for everything to be only a very, very bad dream. </i><i>It was so surreal, scrubbing his blood off from the walls and the floor... Never in my life did I imagine that I would need to do something like that. Until now, I'm not entirely sure where in the world did I get the courage,</i>" he continued<br />
<br />
"<i>I don't think I have the guts to do the same,</i>" I said, slightly amazed.<br />
<br />
"<i>Well, I hope you'd never have to,</i>" he said, smiling a little, "<i>After that, I remembered the burning questions I had the previous night, so I decided to look for answers. I was hoping that maybe he left me a suicide note somewhere, at the least. I searched through his things: his wardrobe, his study table, his bag, his files... I opened every drawer, every pocket, every box, and every envelope I could find, but my search was unfruitful... Until I found the result of his recent medical test. I almost fainted when I saw what kind of test it is.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>He's HIV positive and his CD4 levels are already low; he's in the late stage,</i>" I finished for him.<br />
<br />
He nodded and said, "<i>Imagine my immense shock upon discovering that. Finally, I was able to connect the dots, but it also gave me more questions. How come Brix was HIV positive? Where did he get it? I never slept with someone else; I'm certain I remained faithful to him, so I know it didn't come from me. Did he acquire it before our relationship? Or did the bastard cheat on me? Am I infected as well? Looking at that piece of paper, I started to fear for myself, Sep. I was indeed frightened to the core.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>And that's why you can't be in a relationship...</i>" I realized.<br />
<br />
"<i>Yes, especially with someone still young, like you,</i>" he confirmed.<br />
<br />
I let out a long sigh.<br />
<br />
"<i>Okay... What did you do next?</i>" I asked.<br />
<br />
"<i>Fortunately, it wasn't long before the additional questions were answered. You see, I never snooped into Brix's things, especially his gadgets. I had 100% trust in him, so I avoided being a nosy partner; it's not in my nature anyway. But when I saw his wallet, his laptop, and his mobile phone, I felt a tinge of suspicion. It was like my mind is bugging me to sift through them,</i>" he answered.<br />
<br />
"<i>And what did you find out?</i>" I probed.<br />
<br />
"<i>His wallet contained several loyalty cards from various motels and spas. He also had 2 membership cards for a bathhouse and a well-known gym, which I learned later on are places teeming with cruising activities. In his laptop, I discovered that he still have an active G4M account, as well as a hidden folder containing numerous pictures and videos of naked men he had sex with</i><i>—p</i><i>erhaps he kept them as a souvenir of his sinful encounters.</i><i> Most of it were too much for me to see.</i><i> His phone's inbox showed all these texts from different men. Some were thanking him for a good time, while others were asking him for a quickie or another tryst. I read in one message that he used to bring fubus in our apartment whenever I'm out-of-town. I didn't know what will I react to that, Sep.</i><i> I couldn't bear the idea of him fucking another man in our own bed. The very same bed that I, his clueless and stupid partner, had also slept on for years. </i><i> </i><i>It was like pouring acid on an already open wound... </i><i>I felt so betrayed that it led me to doubt the authenticity of everything we had, thinking our relationship was all but fake.</i><i> Did he really love me? If yes, then how could he do that to me? What did I ever do to him to deserve all this shit?</i>" he recalled.<br />
<br />
"<i>Questions that will never be answered...</i>" I said.<br />
<br />
"<i>I'm not sure which was more painful, Sep: the love of my life abandoning me all of a sudden by committing suicide or him infecting me with an incurable disease by habitual cheating. With these in my mind, my overwhelming sorrow and anguish had turned into extreme anger and disgust.</i><i> The bastard took the easy way out 'cause he's afraid of facing me and his problem, thus leaving me to deal with it on my own. In just one day, I lost two precious things: the man I deeply loved and my bright future. I badly wanted that coward back so that I could murder him myself. I wanted to storm into his wake, so that I could scream, curse, and spit at his face. I thought I would go insane from the misery, Sep. I was a mess, as well as the apartment. I tried to destroy everything I could get my hands on: our bed, his clothes, the tables, chairs, mirrors, lamps... I caused such a huge racket that I only ceased when my landlord threatened to call the police if I continue. He said that he won't leave until I call someone else to accompany me, so I asked my brother to come over. They all thought I'm close to taking my own life,</i>" he narrated.<br />
<br />
Not being able to vent spite on someone who did you wrong and having no closure to things which matter greatly to you are just the most frustrating feelings one could ever have.<br />
<br />
"<i>How did you bounce back?</i>" I wondered.<br />
<br />
He shook his head and said, "<i>It took me a long time to accomplish that, actually. Before that, I turned my rage towards the world. I boycotted the rest of Brix's wake, and I didn't show up at his burial. I became self-destructive. My life spiraled from wretched down further to pitiful.</i>"<br />
<br />
<i><u>To be continued...</u></i>Sepsephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08460312460223035946noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-54134032983249274782014-08-09T09:45:00.000+08:002014-10-20T23:22:15.858+08:00The Writing On The WallNate is one of the strongest people I know.<br />
<br />
I met him when I was still an awkward teenager. We were clan mates back then. Even though he's 10 years my senior, we hit it off because we had a lot in common, especially when it comes to humor. Every time we hang out, we often had debates regarding controversial stuff and we would talk for hours about anything under the sun; we laughed at the most nonsensical things and we tend to joke about something over and over until we ran out of breath. <br />
<br />
We were having so much fun, I realized one day that I'm already falling for him. By my standards, he's the perfect one: good-looking, <i>chinito</i>, tall, slightly chubby, decent, and smart. So I decided to confess, hoping that the feeling is mutual, only to have my heart broken into two.<br />
<br />
"<i>I know this might happen... I'm sorry, Geosef, but I can't reciprocate your feelings. Aside from the fact that you're too young, it's also impossible for me to be in a relationship,</i>" he said.<br />
<br />
"<i>Why is that?</i>" I asked in confusion.<br />
<br />
And that was when he opened to me his tragic past, which broke my heart further into little pieces.<br />
<br />
Several years before I met Nate, he had a partner named Brix. They met through G4M and, like us, they were a perfect match. Having strong Spanish traits, Brix is handsome and has a well-developed body. Nate believed that he finally found his Mr. Right, so he made it official after just a couple of dates.<br />
<br />
"<i>I fell for him quick and hard,</i>" Nate told me, "<i>And you really can't blame me. Brix is quite a catch. He's sweet, intelligent, and so mouthwatering to look at. Someone like him is pretty rare.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Well, I'm not blaming you. You're the same as him,</i>" I insinuated.<br />
<br />
He smiled at me and said, "<i>We had an incredible relationship though. It was the best I ever had. </i><i>After our first year, our relationship was already out<span class="st">. </span></i><i>His family and friends loved me as much as mine loved him. On</i><i> our second, we agreed to finally live together, so we rented this lovely apartment near his workplace. I'd never felt so happy in my life. We fought a lot, yes, but each argument and misunderstanding we had only made us stronger. </i><i>We could rely on one another without fail for our bond was steadfast. And the sex... Oh God, the sex.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>What about it?</i>" I asked, grinning.<br />
<br />
"<i>Brix may have this angelic demeanor, but he is actually an extremely horny guy. We were doing it like rabbits on drugs. He's the wildest I had, Sep. We liked to experiment a lot, so sex never got old for us,</i>" he answered.<br />
<br />
I laughed, which surprised me a bit considering I was just rejected. I guess my feelings for Nate weren't that deep anyway.<br />
<br />
"<i>So... What went wrong?</i>" I probed.<br />
<br />
"<i>Well, apparently, good things really do come to an end, Sep,</i>" he said.<br />
<br />
Nate's expression suddenly became serious. It was unsettling, seeing him like that.<br />
<br />
"<i>5 months prior to our 4th anniversary, Brix became sickly all of a sudden. He had this fever and cough that won't go away. He often complained of tiredness even without doing anything. In a span of one month, he lost a lot of weight. He stopped going to the gym and he mostly stayed at home. He became irritable and aloof. There were nights when he sleeps on our couch, leaving me alone in the bed. I had no idea what the hell's happening with him, that's why I began asking questions. And d'you know what he told me?</i>" he said.<br />
<br />
I had an inkling of how the story will go, so I kept mum.<br />
<br />
"<i>Brix said, 'Don't worry, Ney. This is just a bad case of flu. This'll go away soon, I'm sure,' and I believed him,</i>" he continued, "<i>However, I was still worried so I told him to go and see a doctor just to be sure. He said he will, so I pushed the matter no further. After gaining back some strength, he finally sought consultation. He told me that he underwent some tests and that he's currently waiting for the results. Days later, Brix came home from the hospital after getting his test findings checked, and he told me, 'See? I told you that was nothing serious, Ney. Stop worrying now, okay?' I wish what he said was actually true...</i>"<br />
<br />
I nodded in response.<br />
<br />
Nate went on, "<i>But then, there were no improvements in his condition; he's still weak. He no longer gets cranky, but he grew more distant. I became extremely anxious. I knew he's suffering, but I had no idea how to help him. I felt worthless. He got fired because of being AWOL for too long. He stopped going out with his friends, and even with me. He preferred the seclusion of our bedroom, where he's usually alone and quiet.</i>"<br />
<br />
He looked down and shook his head slowly.<br />
<br />
"<i>And then what happened</i>?" I pressed on. <br />
<br />
He sighed deeply, and said, "<i>One day, my Mom asked me to accompany her in visiting our relatives in Cebu. I was hesitant at first because I didn't want to leave Brix on his own, but he's the one who insisted. He told me, 'Ney, I'll be alright. I promise,' and then kissed me with much passion. He was warm and reassuring, so I was convinced to go. We made love that night like it is our first. The next morning, he even</i><i> brought us to the airport using his car. He was smiling as I walked towards the departure gate. </i><i>For a moment there, I was happy again. Everything made me feel that
the Brix I know and love have returned at last.</i>"<br />
<br />
I remained quiet, waiting for Nate to continue.<br />
<br />
"<i>But I was wrong. I was so stupid not to see. My happiness clouded my instinct to get suspicious. If only I have known beforehand that what was happening is already the calm before the storm</i><span class="st">—</span><i>a storm that would destroy everything in its path</i><span class="st">—</span><i>then I would have stayed with him, no second thoughts...</i>" he said.<br />
<br />
<i><u>To be continued...</u></i>Sepsephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08460312460223035946noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-74358388347916589602014-08-02T17:31:00.001+08:002014-08-05T06:25:20.149+08:00Letter Break 11 ~ One Less Thing To Write AboutDid you know that I hate writing?<br />
<br />
For me, it has always been an irritating chore. I prefer sharing a story using my mouth rather than my hands. Like in sex.<br />
<br />
Back when I was still a student, whenever my teacher says, "<i>Ok, get one whole sheet of paper. May test tayo, essay,</i>" expect that my groans are one of the loudest in the room. I would rather have an oral recitation instead of that shitty excuse for a quiz. On test papers during quarterly exams, I get cranky whenever I see words such as 'explain', 'compare and contrast', 'discuss', 'expound', 'describe', and the likes. Why couldn't it be matching type, the easiest of them all?<br />
<br />
I just find writing too tiresome; it requires so much time and effort. Aside from the complex rules of grammar, you also have to mind your tone, vocabulary, and diction. A large amount of brain cells must be exhausted in a single task alone. You are already aware about the degree of AJ's laziness, right? And if you include Joan's obsessive-compulsive behavior in the mix, then a halfhearted work just won't do.<br />
<br />
Aside from me being a sloth, I am also left-handed. Believe me, it's twice as hard writing from left to right using the left hand, especially if the notebook you're using is a spiral-type and your armchair was designed to be used by a right-handed person. It becomes so frustrating that you'll constantly curse your brain for its right-dominance. And then there are the worse things, such as having ink stains or lead marks on the side of your palm after using a ballpoint pen or pencil, or getting your work messy when your hand slides over it. These grind my gears every time without fail.<br />
<br />
Anyway, you might be wondering now. If that's the case, then how did I become a blogger? What caused me to become one?<br />
<br />
In celebration of ADMV's 1st anniversary, let me share with you my humble beginnings.<br />
<br />
It all started around May of 2013. I was at work, bored and with nothing else to do. Well, we all know that boredom could bring forth sinful things, so I craved for what I'm especially fond of: gay porn. One quick Google search, and<span class="st">—</span>voila!<span class="st">—countless webpages appeared right in front of my eyes, all for my heart's content. After getting tired of drooling at pictures of sweaty, naked, muscular men, I switched to online LGBT articles, and lastly into erotica. I hopped through various blogs, from <a href="http://www.manilagayguy.net/">Manila Gay Guy</a> to <a href="http://mandayamoore-orlis.blogspot.com/">Mandaya Moore</a>, from <a href="http://discreetmanilablog.blogspot.com/">Discreet Manila</a> to <a href="http://misschuniverse.blogspot.com/">Ms. Chuniverse</a>, and a handful more of others.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span><span class="st">There was this one blog though, that made me stay. It was McVie's.</span><br />
<br />
McVie's tales of bathhouse adventures greatly piqued my interest. His writing style was unpretentious and easy to read; his experiences, unique and engaging; and his views were profound as well as thought-provoking. After starting his blog on January of 2004, he had already accumulated a lot of readers, signifying that he is no ordinary blogger. It made me more curious about who he is as a homosexual, so I decided to dig deeper. His blog is made up 'seasons', divided into 5 separate blogs, and is currently on its 13th run. He calls it 'The McVie Show'. In a span of 2 1/2 months, I have read all of his post, from <a href="http://mcvie.blogspot.com/">Season 1</a> up to <a href="http://mcvie5.blogspot.com/">the latest</a>. It was no easy feat, I tell you, but it was nevertheless enjoyable.<br />
<br />
He had influenced me with his stories. I was able to relate to him, to feel his emotions and understand the meaning behind his words. In a way, I idolized him; I had this burning desire to be like him.<br />
<br />
And then, an epiphany presented itself.<br />
<br />
I realized that I, too, have experiences worth sharing; stories containing important lessons which must no longer be kept hidden. I wanted to touch the lives of others just like how McVie touched mine. Call it melodramatic, but it's the truth. At first, I wasn't sure how to execute it for Literature isn't really my forte—I took Nursing, for God's sake—but I was determined to push through.<br />
<br />
I wanted to own a blog that could offer something new and different in terms of format, if not of content. I wanted it to feature accounts of my not-so-innocent experiences in steamy and titillating ways, while keeping them relatable and inspiring at the same time. I wanted my life to be immortalized somehow. Hence, Alfabeto Della Mia Vita was born, and my life as an anonymous blogger has begun.<br />
<br />
I consolidated 26 stories from my childhood up to the present, assigning each to a letter of the alphabet, with several more stories serving as a break between the major ones. Then, I drafted myself a strict schedule indicating the specific publish dates of each post, which I found something extremely difficult to follow considering that I'm not really a professional writer. Fortunately, with the encouragement Ace was constantly giving me, I was able to handle everything pretty well.<br />
<br />
I envisioned ADMV to be a miniature novel, and I intended to discontinue writing after I finished the last letter. That was actually my initial plan, until I realized an important thing.<br />
<br />
I no longer want to stop.<br />
<br />
The truth is, I expected myself to give up halfway. I thought that it's just an obsession I should start immersing myself into, which sooner or later, I would no longer have the desire to fulfill. But I was wrong. I never thought that I would enjoy doing it. I could say that I was even quite surprised when I realized that.<br />
<br />
I consider myself extremely lucky for my efforts were recognized early on. I was successful in catching the attention of several amazing bloggers namely <a href="http://fiftyshadesofqueer.blogspot.com/">FSOQ</a>, <a href="http://everythingswritten.blogspot.com/">Nomad</a>, <a href="http://cubao-ilalim.blogspot.com/">Seth</a>, <a href="http://iskwaterstories.blogspot.com/">Senyor Iskwater</a>, <a href="http://kalansaysaaparador.blogspot.com/">KC</a>, <a href="http://aboutambot.blogspot.com/">Ambot</a>, and <a href="http://daybreakembers.blogspot.com/">JM</a>. With their positive feedbacks and supportive comments, I was inspired to do more, to give my 100% in each and every entry I write. In a span of one year, I was also able to connect with so many interesting bloggers, such as <a href="http://www.wickedmouth.com/">Glentot</a>, <a href="http://ceiboh.blogspot.com/">Ceiboh</a>, <a href="http://livingtheexpectations.blogspot.com/">Mac Callister</a>, <a href="http://mgaespasyo.blogspot.com/">Space</a>, <a href="http://limarx214.blogspot.com/">Kuya Ramil</a>, <a href="http://gillboard.blogspot.com/">Gillboard</a>, <a href="http://overthinkerpalaboy.blogspot.com/">Sir OP</a>, <a href="http://thatonetext.blogspot.com/">Simon</a>, <a href="http://simplycomplicatedzai.blogspot.com/">Zai</a>, <a href="http://iamtripster.blogspot.com/">Mr. Tripster</a>, the lovers <a href="http://attheendofeachday.blogspot.com/">Jjampong</a> and <a href="http://atthebottomofthestairs.blogspot.com/">Vic</a>, <a href="http://itstartedandendedhere.blogspot.com/">Jeki Merlin</a>, <a href="http://tadongdaniel.blogspot.com/">Daniel</a>, and <a href="http://onmyownsojourn.blogspot.com/">Froi Dencio</a> to name a few. I was blessed to have met in person a handful of wonderful bloggers as well, such as <a href="http://bloggercrazykat.blogspot.com/">Yccos</a>, <a href="http://www.archieviner.com/">Archieviner</a>, <a href="http://justinthecloset.blogspot.com/">Mamon</a>, <a href="http://skryptonjei.blogspot.com/">Jei</a>, <a href="http://www.kulapitot.com/">Kulapitot</a>, <a href="http://juneosidabenitez.blogspot.com/">June</a>, <a href="http://rixsays.blogspot.com/">Rix</a>, <a href="http://kruujon.blogspot.com/">Cher Jonathan</a>, <a href="http://tontongpotato.blogspot.com/">Mark Patatas</a>, <a href="http://fiel-kun.blogspot.com/">Fiel-kun</a>, <a href="http://www.damuhan.com/">Bino</a>, and <a href="http://axlppi.blogspot.com/">Axl</a>. Also worthy of mention are the silent and anonymous readers who spend time every now and then in making their presence felt, such as John, Jo, Ren, and the Anon who's desperate to be raped.<br />
<br />
If not for you guys, I won't be able to last this long. I owe you so much, the numerous pageviews and comments. I hope you were able to learn something from me as much as I learned a lot from you. I discovered a whole new incredible realm in the form of the blogosphere. Here's to another year of good and fruitful stories.<br />
<br />
Truly, there is joy in writing.Sepsephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08460312460223035946noreply@blogger.com51tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-59902084592321868522014-07-26T03:04:00.000+08:002014-07-26T07:44:44.636+08:00Sixsikang SelfieAs far as I can remember, never ko pa yatang naipakilala ang sarili ko ng maayos. I feel na kahit yung <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.hk/2013/07/a-analysis.html">introduction</a> that I wrote at the beginning isn't really enough to help you paint an exact picture of my personality. Maybe you already know most of what happened in my life, but have no idea about me as a person.<br>
<br>
The stories I tell, the experiences I share, and the opinions I give—well, I am much more than that.<br>
<br>
Cliche nang maituturing na makita yung adjective na 'simple' sa mga slam books and self-descriptions, so I'm not gonna use it. I think wala naman talagang taong simple. Masyado lang pa-humble effect ang karamihan sa atin. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am actually a very complex individual. Sobra-sobra to the point na maski ako nalilito na.<br>
<br>
Sa totoo lang, there are six people living inside me. Yes, parang may Multiple Personality Disorder lang. May mga times kasi na hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko. There are things I do that are clearly out of character, I make decisions that I wouldn't normally make, and there are behaviors that contradict the other ones I have. That's why 'yun lang ang naisip ko na explanation behind it.<br>
<br>
Buti nga at anim lang sila e. Wag naman sanang madagdagan pa, juice ko. Feeling ko tuloy minsan, dapat na ko magpakonsulta sa isang psychiatrist. *hahaha*<br>
<br>
Therefore, the reason behind this post is for you to know me better. So please, hayaan niyo muna ako ngayong maging self-centered. Mag-bubuhat muna ako ng sariling bangko. Don't worry, pagkatapos eh ilalapag ko rin naman 'yun sa sahig.<br>
<br>
Anyway, without further ado, I present to you my 6 personae.<br>
<br>
<br>
<u>1) Geosef</u><br>
<br>
The author of this blog, if hindi mo pa alam.<br>
<br>
He's my artistic persona. The one whose creative juices are sky high. Arts lang ang hilig niya noon, so I had no idea na may skills din pala siya sa pagsusulat. I just discovered it nung sinimulan ko itong 'Alfabeto Della Mia Vita'. It actually came as a surprise to me.<br>
<br>
Contrary sa inaakala niyo, Geosef is not my bad side. Oo, maalam siya pagdating sa sex, at kagagawan niya yung mga malalaswang kwento na mababasa niyo dito; always nag-uumapaw ang level ng libido niya kaya palaging tag-libog—parang rabbit lang, maya't-maya kumakadyot. However, the truth is I consider him my moral compass.<br>
<br>
Nope, I'm not toying with you. Among the six, siya ang pinaka-mature mag-isip. I revere him for this. Being innately inquisitive, he's the one who collects all the knowledge and wisdom from my experiences in life, and the one who knows exactly what to choose between what is right and what is easy. Because of these, Geosef learned how to become just and reasonable.<br>
<br>
He knows best ika nga; he's a great adviser. Siya yung madalas kumukuda whenever someone asks me for advice. When an obstacle presents itself, siya ang takbuhan ko. But unfortunately, most of the time, his words fall on deaf ears. I always fail to listen to him because of Jacob. You'll soon know why.<br>
<br>
<br>
<u>2) Jacob</u><br>
<br>
The wicked.<br>
<br>
Jacob is someone who is difficult to antagonize. Kahit si Geosef ay walang panama sa kanya. Masyado kasing competitive at dominant, palaging gusto niya ang dapat masusunod (*ehem* lalo na sa kama). Ang kakulitan niya sa pag-push ng gusto niya ay inversely proportional sa willingness niya na makinig. Uber pasaway at likas na matigas ang ulo; walang kwenta kahit hambalusin mo ng hollow blocks. Dahil dito, palaging siya ang panalo, sa kasamaang palad. <br>
<br>
I don't really trust his choices, irrational kasi siya kung mag-isip. Being a risk-taker with a short-attention span, palagi lang sugod ng sugod without considering the situation beforehand. And then may tendency siya na madaling mag-sawa afterwards. May ADHD ata 'to. <br>
<br>
But the worst thing about Jacob isn't his stubbornness. It's actually his pride. Ubod 'to ng taas, daig pa ang level ng libido ni Geosef. I think this is the main reason behind his personality. His pride is so enormous that it would be extremely difficult for him to swallow all of it in one bite, something that rarely happens, if at all.<br>
<br>
However, may alam akong isang bagay na surebol tatalo kay Jacob. Sigurado ako dahil nagamit ko na 'to before against him. Wanna guess what it is?<br>
<br>
It is love. Yep, that's right. Corny man, pero I can't deny that it's true. Ito ang matinding sandata ko against Jacob. Tried and tested nang maaasahan 'to. <br>
<br>
<br>
<u>3) AJ</u><br>
<br>
The default.<br>
<br>
This is my neutral self, yung laging nakaharap sa tao.<br>
<br>
When meeting someone new for the first time, super mahiyain si AJ. Hindi masyadong kumikibo, nangingilala muna. Pero once na nakapalagayan na niya ng loob, nagiging makulit na siya at madaldal. Mahilig siyang mang-lambing, lalo na sa kanyang loved ones, and he values his friends a lot. Masayang-masaya siya kapag napapatawa niya ang mga ito using his sense of humor.<br>
<br>
Isip-bata ang persona kong ito. Mahilig pa rin sa video games and anime hanggang ngayon. He's playful and energetic at times, especially towards his siblings and cousins.<br>
<br>
Kung ano ang pagka-dominant ni Jacob, ganoon naman ang pagiging submissive ni AJ. People-pleaser kasi siya; he's not used to turn down requests or favors. Dahil dito, AJ hates confrontations. He finds them extremely uncomfortable and nerve-wracking. As much as possible, lagi niya itong iniiwasan. He always clams up whenever someone confronts him; hindi siya mapakali if alam niyang merong taong upset sa kanya. Hindi siya makakatulog ng maayos kapag ganon.<br>
<br>
Geosef has the sound mind, Jacob owns the strong will, while he is left with the weak heart. *tsk tsk* Poor guy.<br>
<br>
One more thing about AJ ay ang kanyang natatanging katamaran. Nag-uumapaw actually. Gusto niyo malaman kung gaano?<br>
<br>
One time, nakahiga ako sa sofa at nanonood ng TV. Nung natapos ang paborito kong show, isang documentary about sa fungi ang sumunod. I tried to find the remote, but it was nowhere to be seen. So instead na tumayo ako to switch the channel manually (take note, the TV is only three feet away), tiniis ko na lang na panoorin yung palabas. Ako lang ang mag-isa sa bahay kaya wala akong matawag para utusan. Isang buong oras 'yun na tungkol lang sa kabute, por Diyos por santo.<br>
<br>
Nung dumating yung isa kong kapatid from school, pinalipat ko sa kanya yung channel. Tinignan niya lang ako ng masama tapos biglang lumapit. Akala ko papaluin niya ako pero may inabot siya sa bandang ulunan ko sabay tinapat sa mukha ko. Pagtingin ko, hawak niya yung remote. Nginitian ko na lang siya at nag-'thank you'. I tried to search for it on that spot earlier, pero wala eh. Well, I guess hindi lang talaga ako nag-effort na maghanap.<br>
<br>
Hayahay... Kapag nakasapi talaga sa akin si AJ, nagkakaroon ako bigla ng PhD sa pagiging couch potato.<br>
<br>
<br>
<u>4) Third</u><br>
<br>
The simpleton. The complete opposite of Geosef.<br>
<br>
Siya ang dahilan kung bakit madalas akong sabihan ng nanay ko na isang 'matalinong tanga'. Mabagal siya sa pick-up at mahina ang logic. Minsan, kahit sobrang obvious na, hindi pa rin niya ma-gets. To the highest level ang pagiging naive niya. *whew*<br>
<br>
Bukod sa pagiging engots, may tatlong bagay pa akong ayaw kay Third.<br>
<br>
Una sa lahat, mabilis siyang ma-in love. Pakitaan lang ng kaunting interes, madali na agad ma-fall. Kapag nangyayari ito, lagot na. Bago ko pa siya mapigilan, huli na ang lahat. Siya ang may kasalanan sa mga failed relationships ko. Epic fail.<br>
<br>
Second ay ang tendency niyang maging obsessive. This is related to the first one, pero this attitude of his ay hindi lang para sa tao. Kapag may nagugustuhan siyang isang bagay, wala siyang ibang iisipin at ipe-pursue kung hindi ito lamang. This could be a double-edged sword, sa totoo lang. Like the time na na-obsessed siyang mag-aral ng Nihongo because of my Japanese cousins. Honestly, learning a new language could be useful din naman. For months wala na siyang ibang inatupag aside from studying it. Bumili pa siya ng books para makatulong. Kaso ang ending, wala rin masyadong nangyari. Nagsayang lang ako ng time and effort, tapos napagastos pa ko ng medyo malaki.<br>
<br>
Pangatlo, may pagka-gullible; madali lang siyang utuin. He rarely analyze any piece of information he receives, and readily accepts them without second thoughts. Delikado ang trait na ito; very prone siyang maging victim ng isang modus operandi eh. Fortunately, that is yet to happen.<br>
<br>
Pero kahit ganyan si Third, meron din naman siyang good qualities, lalo na when it comes to handling relationships.<br>
<br>
Siya yung may hawak ng weapon na bukod tanging nakakatalo kay Jacob. Kapag sobrang in love si Third, maximized ang faithfulness niya. Maalalahanin siya at maalaga; he's fond of surprising and spoiling his partner with thoughtful gifts. He likes to see a smile across that face as much as possible. Todo-todo kasi siya kung magmahal, halos wala nang itinitira sa sarili. He never fails to allot a huge portion of his time, and he makes sure to give extra effort. Ganoon siya ka-devoted. <br>
<br>
Truly, ignorance is bliss. <br>
<br>
<br>
<u>5) Silver</u><br>
<br>
The weakling.<br>
<br>
He is the embodiment of my low emotional quotient. Sa lahat ng personae ko, siya ang pinaka-emo, with bangs, eyeliner and all. Generally, malungkutin 'tong si Silver; madalas aloof, mababa ang self-esteem, at madaling maapektuhan ng criticisms.<br>
<br>
His constant pessimism and anxiousness always hinder him to do things properly. He tends to focus on the worst outcome in every dilemma. In relationships, unlike Third's gullibility, sobrang hirap siyang magbigay ng buong tiwala. He has this habit of doubting things, and he rarely accepts something based on face value alone. Hindi ko nga mawari 'til now kung saan niya hinuhugot yung negativity niya. Dahil dito, madalas silang magkasundo ni Jacob.<br>
<br>
He also has this weird penchant for misery, so he often ends up overcomplicating minor problems. Yung tipong kahit hindi naman dapat big deal ay masyadong pinoproblema. O di kaya kahit okay na ang lahat, hahanapan pa rin niya ng kung anong mali dito.<br>
<br>
He has the tendency to embrace sadness instead of seeking the opposite. Kapag sobrang down, may pagka-suicidal din ng konti 'tong si Silver. Fortunately, he doesn't have the courage to act out his thoughts. *whew*<br>
<br>
I consider him a weakness that has the potential to destroy me, so I need to learn soon how to control him.<br>
<br>
<br>
<u>6) Joan</u><br>
<br>
Ah, here she is. The rose among the thorns. The one with the pechay. A fine example of a 'woman trapped in a man's body.<br>
<br>
Joan is the personification of my homosexuality. Kung wala siya, probably hindi ako ngayon nagpapa-slide-slide sa isang shiny rainbow. At malamang mani ang naging paboritong kong pulutan sa kama. <br>
<br>
Kinikilabutan talaga ako kapag naiisip ko yun. *brrr*<br>
<br>
Kapag hindi active ang katamaran ni AJ (which rarely happens by the way), ang gumagana naman ay ang pagka-OC ni Joan. Hindi siya mapakali if hindi organized ang kanyang mga gamit. She becomes anxious when things don't go according to what was planned. There are instances when she prefers to do a given task alone, instead of asking others for assistance. If ever she is forced to cooperate with someone else, i-expect mo na na naka-antabay siya na parang buwitre for any mistakes her teammate might commit. Hindi siya ideal ilagay sa groupings sa totoo lang. Hindi ko alam kung saan ba nanggagaling ang high standards niya.<br>
<br>
Imagine a bitchy girl na pa-sosyal, mahilig mag-complain, at judgmental. Ganyan exactly si Joan. Napunta na kasi yata sa kanya halos lahat ng kaartehan. Madiriin sa putik, takot sa mga insekto (lalo na sa spiders), allergic sa alikabok, mapili sa pagkain, at marami pang iba. <br>
<br>
Kung gaano ang thirst for knowledge ni Geosef, ganon rin si Joan. The difference is, the former seeks for valuable information, while the latter is only interested in gossip. Chismosa at pakialamera si Joan; mas juicy ang chismis, mas happy siya. Ka-imbyerna lang.<br>
<br>
Buti na lang, sa awa ng Diyos, hindi nahilig sa make-up at mga damit pambabae si Joan. Otherwise, malamang naging cross-dresser na ako. Di niya madaig ang pagiging straight-acting ni AJ, kaya hindi masyadong nagma-manifest ang pagiging maharot niya. Minsan lang, especially kung kasama ko ang aking gay friends, o kapag nakakakita ng cutie and yummy habang nagbo-boy hunting. *hihihi*<br>
<br>
<br>
There you have it! That was indeed a mouthful.<br>
<br>
Ngayon kilala niyo na silang anim, who do you like the most as well as the least?<br>
<br>
Ako kasi wala. Wala akong favorite, at wala rin akong hate. I like them all the same. Though at first, I despised some of them, and there are times that I favor one over the other, but I eventually learned to accept and see all of them as equals. Their mistakes are my mistakes too, and their achievements are mine as well. I cannot influence any of them to change as much as they cannot bring forth change from one another. They have been like that since I acknowledged their existence, and will continue to do so until my dying breath.<br>
<br>
They are me for I am them.<br>
<br>
<i>Tibi ipsi dic vere.</i>Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-59162202022904126912014-07-19T03:10:00.000+08:002014-07-19T03:10:04.974+08:00Rome Wasn't Built In A DayI received the following letters from dear friends (including one from a secret admirer) during my high school and college days. They are copied here chronologically and verbatim to their written counterparts. :)<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<br />
Dear Geosef, (sorry omit the DEAR!)<br />
<br />
- If you think that this letter will be about me asking for an Apology<span style="font-family: inherit;">—then</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">—you're wrong. Gusto ko lang malaman, tell me Sepsep, Nakalimutan ko ba talagang mag-thank you sa paggawa mo ng project ko?! Ang alam ko, I thank you for so many times already, I thank you right before we leave your house when you told us that you will just do it for us. I also thank you when we meet again in school and everytime I ask if you already finished it. Kulang pa ba iyon? Tell me, para di mo naman masabi na wala akong utang na loob, kailangan ko bang magpasalamat sayo, every minute of my life? Tell me what I can do to let you know that I'm really thankful of what you had done for me and Jade. But, 'wag ka lang magpaparinig 'coz that make me feel so bad. Ok na sana tayo pero nang magparinig ka sa amin kahapon, nagbago ang tingin ko sayo. Parang hindi na ikaw ang nakilala kong SEPSEP. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Naisip ko na pag nakaaway mo ang isang tao parang bigla mong ipinapaalala ang mga nagawa mo for them, kasi, nagparinig ka sa amin ng "Thank you hah! Thank you kasi ginawa ko project niyo!" day after we had an argument in the library. Dahil ba do'n Geoseffe? Kailangan mo bang ipamukha sa Amin ang bagay na iyon?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Anyway, wala na tayong magagawa do'n kasi nagawa mo na iyon, eh!! Alam kong di naman mababago ng sulat na'to ang sama ng loob na binigay mo sa amin. Ito lang ang sasabihin ko sayo Geosef, "Nagawa mo na naman, you do the same thng again and again. Nagkamali ka nanaman sa sinabi mo kasi may nasaktan ka. Tandaan mo iyan!! Sana lang magbago ka na. Malaman mo na kung ano ang nakakasakit sa iba at ikagagalit nila. Grow-up Sepsep, Grow-up! Nasayang mo lang yung magandang impression namin sayo.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Don't Blame me if I hurt you! Truth hurts. Gusto ko lang ilabas ang sama ng loob ko para kahit papaano ay mabawasan ang galit ko sayo. Don't worry after this letter, parang wala nang nangyari <strike>but don't expect that we'll still be as close friends as what we are before. Nasayang mo talaga ang friendship natin (kung mahalaga iyon para sa iyo?!).</strike> What you did really hurt me, alam ko I'm being so sensitive but I almot cry when you uttered those words, Di lang kasi talaga ako makapaniwala na sa iyo pa manggagaling iton.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Don't be Angry w/ me! Wala naman siguro akong nabago sa pagkakakilala sa AKin.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> "THANK YOU! (If you still wanna hear it)"</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">From,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Lanie</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">***</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dear; Geosef</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You know I'm very happy because, even I have crush to you, your not angry. Kaya I'm nagkacrush to you because your cute, look like harry potter. and your good and sweet. but I Know you have crush to ate Maryjane. Kaya I Know because your always magkasama and Holding Hands. and...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Happy Valentine's Day!</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">From:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Flora, Grade 4 (This my Code name)</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">*** </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sepsep,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Thank you dun sa letter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sorry sa mga pangaazar ko. Sa mga masasama kong ginawa.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Thank you sa lahat! Sa libre, basta sa lahat kung may lahat man. <pero sa tingin ko wala></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">baguhin moh na yang ugali moh!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kala mo cute?! Hindi noh!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Silver ka pa naman ngayong school year! Ang bobitz moh!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Manhid!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Alam moh bah?! Wawentz ka!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kasi minsan makikinig ka naman sa iba, kasi hindi palagi ay tama ka! At purke machagzlinoh ka eh lagi kang tama!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Makikinig ka sa bestfriend moh kasi hindi lahat ng sinasabi ko kalokohan!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Listen to the people! Kahit konti sensitive din sila!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kung alam mong mali ka wag moh ng ituloy ung mali na un and try to think and alisin yung maling gawain na yon!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Alam moh hindi ka tanga! Be observant at be sensitive sa mga reaction ng mga tao.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ilang beses ko ba yang sasabihin sau! Pakinggan moh naman ako!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Baka basa ka lang ng basa eh hindi naman pumapasok sa stupido mong utak!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kung ganon... ... .... Sayang lang koryente, ink, pawis at pagpapagod ko itype to! Hay!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Gusto moh irecite ko sayo mga negative attitudes moh?! Alam moh ang dami!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cguro alam moh yun at kung hindi found out kung ano yun, pag hindi maganda yung reaction ng mga tao sayo, ibig sabihin may mali sau, alamin moh kasi makakainis yun!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Wag mong pinapaiyak si Mary Jane dahil hindi ko guston iniiyakan ka niya. Sa ibang bagay nalang siya umiyak at wag sau kasi panget tignan.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Best is not that good than most, but for friends, most is not that good than best.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ang panget naman pakinggan diba kung ang tawagan ng magkaibigan eh, mostfriend! Cyempre! Bestfriend! Diba!? Tama naman ako diba?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Grabe isang pad na to! Hindi na kasya.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Marami pa kong gustong sabihin. Sa ibang araw nalang un!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Alway remember na bestfriend mo ko at lahat nang un ay hindi makakasama sau dahil gusto ko ang mabuti sayo!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sana were always together. Habangbuhay!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Take care! God Bless!</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Bestfriend mo na mas cute sau at hindi mo mapapantayan ang cuteness,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Rey</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">***</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">03-27-05</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Hi!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Ah... nagulat ka ba? Siguro hindi, siguro oo? Oo man o hindi be thankful at sinulatan kita hehe... Uy, nagiging halimaw na naman sya! Hehe... Pasensya sa sulat ko, hindi kasi ako marunong mag-lettering na gaya moh... Alam mo kasi "matagal na kaming hindi nagsusuot ng pang-IFUGAO. kahit mga bata sa eskwelahan, kailangan may uniporme. Sa kaso ko, kapag mamamalimos ako sa Viewpoint, doon lang ako kailangang magsuot ng damit pang-katutubo," a 62-yr. old Lola Myani affirmed. Nawala ba sa topic? Wag ka ng magtaka, kinopya ko lang yan sa magazine! Hehe... Beh! Pero seriously, I thank you... bow... Tnx, at nakakapag-timpi ka pa sa kakulitan moh... ay! koh pala! nga pala di mo napansin GIRL NA GIRL yung stationary na ginamit ko? hehe... WALA LANG! Thank'z for being part of my crazy life! dahil sa'yo gumulo mundo ko... Alam mo, ang laki na ng pinagbago mo ng makilala mo si MJ. dahil nga ba kay MJ? O dahil ngayong 3rd-year ka lang nagpa-tuli? hehe... joke! Pero totoo, laki ng pinagbago mo... GANAP KA NA ngayon! BINATA ka na rin! Wow, Samantalang dati parang monay na yung pisnge mo! Para ka pa non BONCHING eh ngayon... BATCHIE kana lang... From BONCHING -> naging -> BATCHIE! Wahaha... pero lam mo, alam ko namang mabait ka eh... And such a gentle dog... Kelan pa? hehe... tiyaga-tiyaga na lang mapapasayo rin yan si MJ, YOU CAN DO IT! Ika nga "Kung walang nilaga este tiyaga, walang sinigang" (Uy, favorite ko yun) nga pala Sorry kung sumosobra na minsan pang-aasar ko sayo. Actually, kulang pa nga yun eh! Way ko lang yun para makaganti sayo noh! JOKE 3X. hehe =P</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Madel</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">***</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> November 13, 2006</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">First Day</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dear Best Friend Nooky!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> hey! it's nice yo see you again! :) i missed you! sna wg kng atat! tska pde ba, learn to express your feelings! tomorrow is never guaranteed. :) always remember, nobody is good at everything and nobody is called to be everything! :) there are 2 reasons why you shouldn't or should never compare yourself with anyone else. first, you will always be able to find somebody who seems to be doing better than you and you'll become discouraged. or, you will always be able to find somebody who doesn't seem to be as effective as you and you'll get full of pride. either attitude will rob you off you joy! ok? don't forget to pray. smile and have a good laugh! i love you forever! :) God bless you.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Love lots,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kaycee :)</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">***</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">November 21 '06</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Geoseffe,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> alam mo ba, naiinis aq xau... un ugali mo kc e... magaling ka lang pag may kailangan ka. basta nakkainis... tpos pg wala, baliwala lng... like ng kanina sa Reader's Digest.. ang demanding mo sobra.. e pare-pareho lng nmn taung wla! edi bumili ka nln kn gus2 mo! sobrang nkkairita ka rin pg groupings! tpos triads.. as in 3 per group! ndi ka nkkgroup smn ni aileen! anu kya un? duh, tpos gnun dn un sa psych.. un binder! bat ayw mo kming kgrp? wla kn twala smn gnun?! nobody has the right to make me feel inferior without my consent! excuse me.. kc gnun un feeling nmn ni aileen e.. ayw mo kmi kgroup kc bka umasa lng kmi xau or kc bka mbaba un grade! haha! really? user mo.. sumasama ka sa group ni ate sandra kc masipag gmwa lalo na pg research.. tas xmpre ikw wla ka ng ggwin! sa bgay ok lng! AYAW KA RIN namin kgroup! anu nmn!!! gnian ka nmn dba! sus.. snay na kmi xau! good luck sa chem!!! SAMA MO!!! bhla ka sa buhay mo! screw you!</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kaycee</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">***</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">May 07, 2007</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Monday</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Soulmate / BFF,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> thanks knina. you don't get tired of listening even when I get tired of hearing myself talk. dito sa room, ikaw ang pinakamahal q.. haha.. pero ndi aq in-love xau ah! feel mo nmn! thanks ah. actually, prng ikaw nlng ung sobrang pinagkakatiwalaan q dito.. you know. sna ndi aq ngkmli. ilang weeks nlng mghhwlay na tyo. and alam q na ndi na tyo mggng classmates! db section 1! ahahaha! sna kht ndi na tyo tight nxt school year, wg ka mgbbgo - unless for the better! :) be punctual! wg tatamarin gumawa ng schoolwork! kht na dti we somehow treated each other as rivals, happy aq na ok pdn tyo.. bsta andito lng aq.. at ur service anytime you need! always remember, failing is a good starting point.. :) thanks for sharing your 1st yr college with me.. i'm so proud of you! tndaan mo yn! atska maganda q! ahaha! iniimpose un! love you sep! pursue your dreams! stay in touch ah. God bless and I do hope na matututo ka ng mgpray and magcmba! i will surely pray for you! mjo nkktmad na ngyn.. gus2 q na mgstart ult. hmm goodluck with everything!</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">love lots,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kaycee :)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">***</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span> </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
June 16, 07</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Saturday</div>
Garcia dear, Ü<br />
<br />
hi best friend! haha soulmate! im glad na nkpgenroll ka na. and xempre, nttuwa dn aw kc nka-tulong aw xau. oh well, what bff's are for. bsta im telling u, friend mo q forever. you've been so nice to me. tgl ndn ntng tight! thx ult sa lht ng mga tinulong mo skn in the past. ikw isa sa mga reasons kng bkt nkasurvive aw ng 1st yr college. sna u won't get tired of studying. sep, matalino kw. aral mabuti ha. don't let financial problems pull you down. bsta im hre lng! haha! stay in touch ah. blitaan mo q sa acads mo. keri mo yn! i know kyang kya mo mgstand out! tska pde ba, wg ka na mgpakopya ng sobra! wla nmn clang ginawa xau in return db? i mean, anong kpalit nun? kalimutan na. atleast lesson learned yet ryt? knw ur limits. alam mo ba kng anong cnb ni franz ng 1st day? "ay, wla na c geosef, wla na tyong kkopyahan!" grb db! hay nku, bsta ung people na "no-good" xau, get them out of ur life! hahaha! i know mamimis mo ung napakaganda mng best friend! haha supreme being! bsta stay the same! be fierce! pg my bobong umway xau, let me know! tuturuan q ng leksyon un! hahaha! keep me posted! God bless! hope to see you around! ingat ingat. txt me lng if u need help! i'd attend to it ryt away, gnun tlg q since then! xoxo! kw pa! ndi kta mtiis! Ü<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
love lots,<br />
Kaycee :)</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">***</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">02/25/09</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">EVER DEAREST SEP,</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Hoy! Wala lang! tama na ang pagpapacute mu sa gurl dun sa BONA! may asawa na daw yun.... kay MJ ka na lang.... akala nia nagaaral ka dun, un pala natambay ka lang! at pumasok ka wag kang absent ng absent</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">your cutest sis, </span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">-jolens- </span></div>
Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-23796010782262341892014-07-12T18:25:00.002+08:002014-07-15T01:09:27.517+08:00Quintessential HypocriteHypocrisy seems to be much more common than common sense nowadays. You can see hypocrites almost anywhere; on TV, at school or at work, on your neighborhood, or in the government. The blogosphere is teeming with them as well, but let's not dwell on that. Most are subtle, while some are just unbelievably blatant. Heck, even I am guilty of being one every now and then. I'm sure you are too, don't deny it.<br />
<br />
However, there is one person I know whose hypocrisy is one of the worst I've seen. He's so bad, that if ever there would be an international contest for hypocrites, he would surely bag the first prize. This person is my current boss, Sir JR. And believe me, you wouldn't want to personally know how awful he is.<br />
<br />
It is common knowledge in our company that no one likes Sir JR. He is very condescending and a know-it-all. Everyone's mood becomes sour whenever he opens his overbearing mouth. I think he's even lucky that he's yet to receive an anonymous death threat from a fed up coworker. I would give him one if I could, just for fun.<br />
<br />
His managerial skills are extremely disappointing, if not laughable. He often gives us a ton of work, including his own responsibilities. Whenever he fucks up, he always put the blame on us, his subordinates. On the other hand, if it's a job well done, he's quicker than Usain Bolt in taking all the credit for himself, even though he gave little to no effort. Sir JR is the office's biggest jerk, with zero sense of accountability.<br />
<br />
There was this one time when he told us that he must attend a very important meeting in another building. Then something urgent came up, so we tried to look for him where he said he would be, but he was nowhere to be found. And when we asked him the next day where he'd been, he just ignored us, saying that it's none of our business. That how terrible he is. And that's just one example among so many more.<br />
<br />
A lot of us are wondering why no one in the higher management still hasn't fire him. They clearly dislike him too, so why do they continue to put up with his detestable attitude?<br />
<br />
One of us concluded that he must be skilled in worming his way out of trouble. He's an expert in finger-pointing, and he could be quite a smooth talker. He has this certain charm that he utilizes whenever he wants something from someone. Maybe that's why he's always successful in avoiding sanctions. He's a rat. A dirty fucking rat.<br />
<br />
In spite of the negative things I've said about him, these are not the reason behind my overwhelming hate towards him. There is another one, the reason why I dubbed him as the quintessential hypocrite.<br />
<br />
When Sir JR interviewed me when I was still an applicant, the first thing I noticed was that he is gay. The way he moves and talks, the tone of his voice, and his overall appearance. I was pretty confident with my gaydar's observations. When I started working for him, imagine my surprise when I learned that he classifies himself as a heterosexual.<br />
<br />
I overheard him once when he was talking with his co-manager, and it sent a terrifying chill down my spine.<br />
<br />
"<i>Alam mo, nakakapagod na nga lately eh. Andami nang chicks ang nagpapakita sa akin ng motibo. Mukhang effective ang gym membership ko</i>," he said, chuckling, "<i>Ang fluffy ko na, di ba?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Putangina, puke mo fluffy! Gripuhan kita sa tagiliran diyan eh, makita mo...</i>" I whispered to myself.<br />
<br />
I actually pitied whoever he was talking to. Hearing those words could probably cause someone into having thoughts of suicide. Well, I did, actually.<br />
<br />
That truth is, Sir JR is neither handsome nor muscled. He looks exactly like a <a href="http://sweetsky.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/gremlin.jpg">gremlin</a>, with a protruding large tummy. The only positive things about his appearance are his light skin and smooth complexion. Other than that, he is one unsightly creature.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, no one buys his 'I am straight' bullshit. For them, he is obviously an in denial homosexual. But for me, he is a frustrated piece of shit with very poor straight-acting skills.<br />
<br />
Now, don't get me wrong here, I have nothing against straight-acting PLUs; I am one myself. What really ignited my hatred is this one instance that happened at work months ago. Remembering it never fails to grind my gears.<br />
<br />
Here in our company, homosexuals are an abundance. One could say that we are the majority, from subtle <i>pamintas</i> to flamboyant effeminates. One afternoon, I was discussing a task with Sir JR when a flaming effem, named Sasha if I'm not mistaken, walked by.<br />
<br />
Whenever I come across Sasha, I'm always at awe. He has long, silky hair and a skinny body frame. His dark complexion accentuates his height. He's tall, dark, and beautiful; someone who has a chance in winning a beaucon. He often wears sexy branded outfits, and he's fond of showcasing his collection of high-heeled shoes. He is well-liked by many because of his unique humor and his darling attitude.<br />
<br />
As he walked gracefully past us, I saw Sir JR threw him a disgusted look.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"<i>Kadiri namang bakla to. Nakakasuka na ang pinaggagagawa. Gandang-ganda lang sa sarili</i>," he said, shaking his head before smirking.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I was flustered with what I heard so I wasn't able to immediately react to his nasty remark.</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"<i>Yung mga ganyang bakla dapat sa parlor lang. Dapat tanggalin na yung mga ganyan dito para umaliwalas ang paligid. Ang sakit sa mata eh</i>," he continued insensitively.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I stopped myself from answering back, "<i>Insecure ka lang, inggiterang froglet!</i>" All I wanted that moment was to drive the pen I'm holding in one of his eye sockets, but I resisted the urge. That's how Sir JR affects me every time he speaks; he drives me to become a violent psychopath.<br />
<br />
He continued to mumble obscenities about Sasha. My patience was wearing thin little by little, and I don't want to commit murder right then and there, so I decided to block his words out of my mind.<br />
<br />
As a member of the LGBT community, I have learned to respect others' choice of how they'll live their life as a homosexual. Respect begets respect, and with that, Sir JR clearly deserves none. He is hypocrisy personified. Having absolutely no right to insult Sasha when he is a trying-hard straight-acting effem himself, sans the hair and outfits, he had completely crossed the line. Don't you hate it when someone who's obviously gay berates or demeans another PLU? It makes my blood boil every time. We long for equality from the eyes of heterosexuals, and yet we continue to discriminate our own. A very sad truth.<br />
<br />
As long as there are people like Sir JR who roam the Earth, the future is bleak.</div>
Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-42886239570023686172014-06-27T18:50:00.000+08:002014-06-27T19:10:08.231+08:00Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning ThiefFirst of all, this is not a movie review. Though it looks like one due to the nature of the following story.<br />
<br />
When Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief came out, I was kinda excited, even though Greek mythology is not my thing. Still, since this film was also based on a book series for children, I thought it would temporarily satiate my hunger for Harry Potter as I wait for its penultimate installment.<br />
<br />
So, together with <a href="http://alpabetonisepsep.blogspot.ca/2013/09/r-ramifications-of-rambunctious.html">Joshua</a>, I rushed towards the nearest movie theater. We bought food, picked the best seats, and prepared ourselves to be entertained. Surprisingly, however, just 20 minutes into the movie, I was already bored; it was disappointingly bland.<br />
<br />
"<i>Amboring...</i>" I told my seatmate who, by the look on his face, was clearly enjoying.<br />
<br />
"<i>Okay lang naman ah</i>," he said, eyes glued to the screen.<br />
<br />
I scoffed and said, "<i>Talaga? Nakakaantok kaya.</i>"<br />
<br />
Joshua dismissed my remark, so I kept quiet and just slumped on my seat. Another 10 minutes have passed when an idea struck me. I sat up straight and leaned towards him.<br />
<br />
"<i>Tara, iba na lang gawin natin</i>," I whispered softly.<br />
<br />
I got his full attention using just six words. He looked at me, examining my face. In response, I winked and smiled at him.<br />
<br />
"<i>Seryoso ka ba? Nasa sinehan tayo ngayon, Sep</i>," he said.<br />
<br />
"<i>Oo. Hindi ko pa na-experience sa ganitong lugar eh. It would be a first.... And maybe last</i>," I pushed.<br />
<br />
"<i>Hindi naman 'to gaya ng mga sinehan dun sa Recto o Quiapo. Delikado dito. Kapag nahuli tayo, lagot na</i>," he stressed.<br />
<br />
I knew that he's considering it, because if it's not, then we won't be having this conversation. He would've just brushed me off and continued watching. Instead, he was trying to reason with me<span class="st">—a sign that he's interested, and only a little more push was needed.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">I squeezed his arm and said, "<i>Sige na Josh... Ngayon lang naman. Gusto kong i-try. Hindi tayo mahuhuli, promise</i>."</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">He sighed and asked, "<i>Baliw ka talaga... Paano natin gagawin yung gusto mo eh nasa gitna tayo?</i>"</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">"<i>Tara, lipat tayo dun sa pinakataas. Sa bandang sulok</i>," I said, standing up quickly before he could protest further.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">Joshua reluctantly followed me, and in a matter of seconds, we were already seated in one of the dark corners of the movie house. </span><span class="st">Since it would be his first time too, we were both pretty nervous. Our senses were heightened as </span><span class="st">the air around us got much colder</span><span class="st">.
It would be very risky; getting caught would surely be humiliating, and
the punishment could be dreadful. However, the excitement brought by
the risk had already clouded our judgment. That was it, there's no turning back now.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="st">For several minutes, we sat there innocently, pretending to watch the fight scene between the protagonist and a multiheaded monster, </span><span class="st">while also surveying our surroundings</span><span class="st">, just in case someone noticed us and became suspicious. T</span><span class="st">he nearest person was 5 rows away, and the room lights up whenever a bright scene was shown, so we have to do the deed only during the dark ones.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">Joshua remained motionless, so I initiated by kissing his neck while fondling his crotch. It's a good thing that he was wearing athletic pants that day; let's just say that I had easy access. Within seconds, he was already hard. He pulled down his pants, then motioned me to start stroking him. I watched his face as I began playing with his tool. He was moaning softly, head raised and eyes closed. I, too, was already very horny.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">"<i>Magbantay ka, sisisid ako</i>," I whispered.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">He nodded at me, then I plunged in, my mouth covering the entirety of his length. I looked at him once more, checking to see if he's doing what I instructed. </span><span class="st">His eyes was open, biting his lip to keep himself from moaning louder.</span><span class="st"> It must have been difficult for him, I thought, staying vigilant for roving cinema attendants while occasionally glancing down to watch me. Well, he had no right to complain, really, since he was the one being serviced. Therefore, I stopped worrying about him and just focused on the task in front of my face, or rather inside of my mouth. </span>I pulled down my shorts and began to pleasure myself as well. <br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">"<i>Ang init ng bibig mo, Sep... Sige pa...</i>" he moaned.</span><br />
<br />
I sucked, slurped, and licked his dick without a care in the world, like there's no tomorrow. Lust mixed with fear, I'm still not sure how to describe exactly how it
feels. Ecstatic and intense? Wild and crazy? There is one thing I guess I
could say though; it's indeed a must-try. You only live once anyway.<br />
<br />
His hips started to thrust upward, synchronizing to my rhythm. After a couple of minutes, his body began to tense, and his cock became much stiffer. He let out a long and loud moan as he shot jets of cum in my mouth. I swallowed every drop of it; it was kinda bitter, but I didn't mind. Within seconds, I followed suit. His climax had given me a surge of libido, and before I know it, I was spasming on my seat, my jizz going everywhere.<br />
<br />
When I finally calmed down, I heard a small chuckle. I looked at Joshua weakly. His pants were already up, and beads of sweat were glistening on his forehead.<br />
<br />
"<i>Bakit?</i>" I asked.<br />
<br />
"<i>Eh kasi yung tamod mo oh, napunta lahat sa shirt mo, kitang-kita... Ang dami... Pati yung sandalan ng upuan mo, tinamaan</i>," he said, grinning at me.<br />
<br />
"<i>Sorry naman. Kalibog eh...</i>" I said, laughing.<br />
<br />
"<i>Ayusin mo na yung shorts mo... Eto jacket ko, suot mo muna para matakpan yung mantsa. Labhan mo na lang bago mo ibalik</i>," he offered.<br />
<br />
I fixed myself, sat up straight, and wore his jacket.<br />
<br />
"<i>Grabe... Nag-enjoy ka ba?</i>" I asked.<br />
<br />
"<i>Sobra. Ulitin natin ulit next time ha</i>," he said.<br />
<br />
"<i>Sus. Kanina, aayaw-ayaw ka pa</i>," I jeered.<br />
<br />
"<i>Eh kasi naman eh...</i>" he said, meekly.<br />
<br />
"<i>First and last na dapat 'to no... Okay na yung nasubukan natin ng isang beses. Masyado rin kasing delikado, lalo na sa ganitong klaseng sinehan. Sabi mo nga, hindi naman to gaya nung nasa Manila</i>," I explained.<br />
<br />
"<i>Well, I guess may point ka... Di bale, I think solve na ako</i>," he agreed.<br />
<br />
Since we were no longer interested with whatever was being show on the screen, we decided to go out early.<br />
<br />
This is the reason why whenever someone asks me if this movie is worth watching, I always tell them that I'd rather have sex than see this again.<br />
<br />
The end. Roll credits.Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-33890747809883616152014-06-11T19:22:00.002+08:002014-06-11T19:33:30.131+08:00Letter Break 10 ~ I Wish For AnonymityHey, I'm baaaaack!<br />
<br />
Wala lang. May naka-miss ba sa'kin? I don't think so. *whimper*<br />
<br />
Nagbabalik ang inyong lingkod upang ipagpatuloy ang pagkalat ng kalaswaan at kabadingan sa mundo. This is my mission in life, and I must fulfill it. *hahaha*<br />
<br />
So, ano nga ba ang nangyari? Ano ang dahilan ng aking mistulang pagkawala? At bakit pa ako nagbalik?<br />
<br />
What did you say? Wala kang pakialam? Okay then... Well, para doon sa interesado, here's the story.<br />
<br />
Everything was because of a certain girl from work. Let's just call her, uhm, Matilda. Yan, bagay na bagay yung name sa ugali niya. 5 weeks ago, habang busy ako sa panonood ng Youtube sa aking office PC, bigla niya akong nilapitan para istorbohin.<br />
<br />
"<i>Hi kuya Sep! Anong ginagawa mo?</i>" tanong sa'kin ng kulot na bilat.<br />
<br />
Tinignan ko siya ng isang beses bago sumagot ng, "<i>Wala naman. Anong kailangan mo?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Uhm... Alam ko na yung blog mo</i>," nakangisi niyang sabi.<br />
<br />
Nagulat ako at napatingin ulit sa kanya. Kumikinang ang mga mata ni Matilda at buong-buo ang ngiti. Mukha siyang tumama sa lotto na ewan. Malamang napansin niya ang aking reaksyon kaya dagli kong binago ang aking facial expression.<br />
<br />
"<i>Anong blog? Wala naman ako nun ah</i>," sagot ko ng naka-poker face.<br />
<br />
"<i>Kunwari ka pa eh. Nakita kita dati na may tina-type diyan sa computer mo. Nung sinilip ko, nabasa ko yung website. That's why alam ko. I remember color black pa nga 'yung background eh</i>," kwento niya.<br />
<br />
At that point, kinabahan na ko. Hindi pwedeng may makaalam sa office! Hindi maaari itooooo!<br />
<br />
Gusto kong ihampas yung keyboard sa mukha ni Matilda, pero sabi ko na lang, "<i>Ah... Oo nga... Pero hindi akin yun. Sa kaibigan ko 'yun. Pinapa-proofread lang niya sa'kin, actually.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Weh? Di nga? So, walang kaso sa'yo kung babasahin ko 'yun?</i>" pang-aasar niya.<br />
<br />
Mahigpit na ang mga kamao ko. Plastic na ang mga ngiti ko. First time kong papatol sa babae kung hindi ako makapagpigil. Ngunit bilang isang gentlegay, ay este, maginoong bakla, ay pucha, uhm, bilang may malaking respeto sa sangkababaihan, I kept my composure.<br />
<br />
"<i>Totoo nga. So, wala ka pa pala nababasa dun?</i>" tanong ko.<br />
<br />
"<i>Busy pa ko eh. Tsaka na lang kapag may free time</i>," sagot niya.<br />
<br />
"<i>Inii-stalk mo na naman ako ha</i>," sabi ko.<br />
<br />
"<i>Siyempre. Magaling ako mang-stalk lalo na kapag crush ko</i>," sambit niya, sabay lakad pabalik sa kanyang cubicle.<br />
<br />
I was left dumbfounded sa kinauupuan ko. Sadness and hopelessness rushed inside me like a swirling typhoon. I felt defeated. Nangyari na yata ang kinakatakot ko. Hindi na ako anonymous, hindi na safe.<br />
<br />
Hinarap ko ang aking monitor at nagbukas ng bagong browser. With much regret, I deactivated my blog. Hindi ako prepared sa mga nangyari, kaya masama ang loob ko for the rest of the day. Then after that, hindi ko na lang masyado iniisip.<br />
<br />
Eventually, natanggap ko na rin.<br />
<br />
Hanggang sa kahapon, out of the blue, bigla kong naalala ang Alfabeto Della Mia Vita. That's why binisita ko ito at nagbasa ng ilang posts at comments. Afterward, na-realize ko na nami-miss ko rin ang mag-blog, na sabik na akong magkwento ulit, at hinahanap-hanap ko ang atensyon ng aking mga readers. Kaya ayun, nag-research ako ng mabuti upang maghanap ng paraan. Pinalitan ko ang mga dapat palitan, along with other extra safety measures. Hindi na rin ako magba-blog sa office para makaiwas sa bruhang si Matilda.<br />
<br />
For now, all I want is a safe haven for my risky stories. Hopeful ako that this time, my anonymity will be kept intact. At wala nang mahaderang pechay na sisira nito. <br />
<br />
So ngayon, balik tayo sa nakasanayan. Next post, isang kakaibang movie review. *hihihi* Pero gagala muna ako sa Ilo-ilo at Guimaras. I badly need a vacay eh. Magsi-swimming ako sa mangga.<br />
<br />
Anyway, welcome back to me! :)<br />
<br />
P.S. For those who have me listed in their respective blog rolls/lists, paki-update na lang po sana nung link ko. Thank you. Sepsephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08460312460223035946noreply@blogger.com46tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-74623011716021454242014-04-29T09:24:00.000+08:002014-04-29T09:44:52.781+08:00Overwhelmed By The Underdog<b>March 18</b><br />
<br />
I stared at Ace with such appreciation while he was busy in his kitchen. That night, for the advanced celebration of my birthday, he was preparing a few of my favorites. My stomach grumbled with anticipation as I smelled the aroma. To divert myself, I let my gaze wandered around his place, which, by the looks of it, was unusually tidy. I know how lazy he is when it comes to cleaning, so I can't help but be overwhelmed.<br />
<br />
Sitting next to me were Rey and Theo. They were talking about something important with regards to their new printing business. I still couldn't believe that they had just celebrated their fourth anniversary. For people like us, I already consider that an amazing feat, something I doubt I can easily achieve. Therefore, I have much respect for them. I greatly admire their relationship, which had already enjoyed many highs and endured countless lows. Surely, they will face more, but I'm positive that they can outlast them, for their bond is already as strong as steel.<br />
<br />
On another couch, perpendicular to the lovebirds, was another pair: Lanie and her new boyfriend, CJ. She's known for her bad choices when it comes to choosing a boyfriend—either she was too much for them or they were so undeserving of her—and my first impression of CJ was that he's far from being a perfect one. However, Lanie has been single for so long that, this time, I'm just trusting her decision. If she says it is pure, genuine love, then who am I to contradict? Besides, I could see that she is clearly happy. Whatever happens, fairy tale ending or not, I'll always be there for her.<br />
<br />
Mary Jane, who was busy having another girly conversation with Lanie, caught my attention next. It has been more than 3 long years since I last saw her, when my relationship with Ace was still only a month old. I realized that she has not changed one bit; she's still bubbly, boyish, and juvenile—her qualities I really like. MJ is the only woman I have ever loved. I consider her as the only weakness to my homosexuality, similar to what Kryptonite is to Superman. Whenever I see her, I always feel a tinge of regret for being gay. Maybe the reason why I haven't seen her for a long time is because, unconsciously, I was doing my best to avoid her. That moment, as I continue to eye her, the feeling struck again, as well as a wishful thought. If only I'm straight, maybe MJ and I we're still together. Heck, maybe we're even engaged already, that she's already my fiancee... I stopped, shook my head, and just sighed at the idea.<br />
<br />
My train of thought was broken when someone talked to me saying, "<i>Alam mo nakita na kita dati.</i>"<br />
<br />
It was Giro, Ace's new friend, gleefully sitting across from me. It was my first time meeting him, and I had this desire to make it the last as well. His features fit perfectly into Ace's preference: tall, lean, young, and innocent-looking; he's an average or a downgraded version of Atom Araullo. That night, whenever someone needed something, since Ace was too busy making dinner, Giro was the one to assist, a thing which I used to do before. For a stranger, they might looked exactly like a couple. I asked Ace why it seemed like Giro already knows everything in his house, to which he replied, "<i>Halos araw-araw na kasi 'yan nandito, tumatambay after school.</i>" "<i>Ha! Alam na...</i>" I pointed out. "<i>Tange, magkaibigan lang kami. Pramis,</i>" Ace said, giving me a sharp look. From then on, I began to dislike Giro, even though he's warm, friendly, and has no fault whatsoever. I could not pinpoint the exact reason, but I find him too much of a sore to look at. Was I intimidated? Was I jealous? Maybe. I don't know. But since it would be inappropriate—as if I still have the right to, right?—I did my best to be civil.<br />
<br />
"<i>Ha?</i>" I asked, faking a smile.<br />
<br />
"<i>Sabi ko nakita na kita before. Sa bayan, naghihintay ka ng bus that time,</i>" he repeated.<br />
<br />
"<i>Kailan 'yon?</i>" I said.<br />
<br />
"<i>Siguro mga 6 months ago...</i>" he said, unsure.<br />
<br />
"<i>Di nga? Sa dinami-rami ng taong nakatira dito, naalala mo ko from almost half a year ago? Tsaka for the past 6 months, wala akong natatandaang any instances na pumunta ako sa bayan. Nasa QC ako halos lately eh,</i>" I quizzed.<br />
<br />
He smiled and said while waving one hand, "<i>Ah basta, nakita na kita dati.</i>"<br />
<br />
The conversation totally creeped me out, so I tried to avoid Giro for the rest of the night. Fortunately, since he has a curfew at home, he went home immediately after dinner. Good riddance.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the food was topnotch and the conversations were interesting and funny. However, MJ has no knowledge about my relationship with Ace, as well as Rey's relationship with Theo, so we had to filter out everything we say. We had to keep ourselves as straight as possible. Nonetheless, it was generally an enjoyable party, except for what came after.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<br />
I was alone on a couch when Ace sat beside me. This was when dessert was being served, so the others were busy at the table. I surveyed him. He's apparently exhausted from all the chores, but a bright smile was still etched across his face; he's nevertheless happy and contented.<br />
<br />
I had thought of something, leaned towards him, and said, "<i>I think may idea ako kung bakit hindi naging kayo ni Giro.</i>"<br />
<br />
Awkwardly, he asked,"<i>Ano 'yun?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Hindi kayo compatible sa kama no? What's wrong with him? Maliit ba? Was he lame?</i>" I maliciously told him.<br />
<br />
In an instant, his face fell. <br />
<br />
"<i>May problema ba?</i>" he whispered.<br />
<br />
"<i>Nakaka-disappoint lang. When we talked before, you told me you'll look for guys your age if ever kaya mo nang makipag-date ulit. And yet here you are, mga bata pa rin ang binibingwit mo. Matapos sa'kin, akala ko natuto ka na...</i>" I accused.<br />
<br />
He was obviously dumbfounded. It was something he didn't expect.<br />
<br />
"<i>Tapos pati sila Rey ay dinadamay mo pa. Sa totoo lang, dapat hindi mo na sila nakaka-hang out eh, since wala na tayo, pero I'm trying to understand na you need them in helping you to move on. That's why pinapahiram ko muna sila sayo. But I think it's already inappropriate na ipakilala pa sa kanila yung mga lalaki mo. Remember, they are my friends. Walang kaso kung kila Will and Adam mo ipapakilala si Giro o kung sino man, since originally ay mga kaibigan mo sila, pero please naman sana, 'wag na kila Rey,</i>" I ranted on.<br />
<br />
After a minute of silence, he disapprovingly shook his head and said, "<i>Nakakabilib ka talaga, Sep. Ibang klase, grabe,</i>" before walking out into the balcony.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
After fully digesting what just stupidly came out of my mouth, I followed him outside. I tried to be subtle, so that the others, especially MJ, won't notice something wrong was happening between Ace and I. Fortunately, he was not being to obvious about it as well. I saw him leaning against a wall, looking extremely disappointed. I did my best to look apologetic and stood beside him. However, the damage was already done.<br />
<br />
"<i>Sobrang tanga ko, Sep... After all the things I did for you tonight, ito pa ang igaganti mo sa'kin. Nagpagod lang ako. I thought maa-appreciate mo yung efforts ko ngayon. Instead, mas napansin at hinanapan mo pa ng malisya yung friendship namin ni Giro. Imbes na magpasalamat, ininsulto mo pa ako. Sobra ka na, Sep. Wala kang awa...</i>" he disclosed.<br />
<br />
I remained quiet, my gaze was set on the floor, too guilty to talk.<br />
<br />
"<i>Hindi pa ba enough yung pain na binigay mo? Of all people, I can't believe na maririnig ko mula sa'yo ang mga 'yun... All this time, despite of what you did to me, kaligayahan mo pa rin ang priority ko. Iniisip ko pa rin kung paano ka mapapasaya. Pero ikaw, ayaw mo 'kong maging masaya. You are so unfair. Ang damot-damot mo, Sep...</i>" he continued, "<i>Wag ka mag-alala. After this, hindi ko na hihingin ang oras ng mga kaibigan mo. Utang na loob ko pa pala 'yun, nakakahiya naman sa'yo. Sa iyo na ulit sila. Hindi ko na ulit isisiksik ang sarili ko sa mundo mo. This would be the last; I'm done</i>."<br />
<br />
"<i>I'm very sorry, Ace,</i>" I said meekly.<br />
<br />
"<i>There's no need for that, Sep. Nasabi mo na eh. Actually, this will serve as a wake-up call para sa'kin. You don't deserve someone like me. You don't deserve my love. Simply put, you are a jerk. Because of this, mas madali na kita makakalimutan. Thanks for making it easier for me,</i>" he finished, before walking back inside.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<br />
I was too stunned to immediately follow suit. With what I showed that night, I knew Ace was clearly right with everything he said. I was hurt, but surely, he was more in pain. I spent several minutes more outside, gathering my thoughts and making a decent apology.<br />
<br />
When I went back inside, Ace was nowhere in sight. I asked Theo, and he told me Ace went upstairs, probably in his room. Lanie gave me a look that says, "<i>Ano na naman ang ginawa mo, Sep? Hay nako...</i>" but I pretended to not see it. I wasn't sure if everyone had already noticed, but I didn't care anymore. My focus was to fix what remains to be repaired.<br />
<br />
I knocked in Ace's room. There was no answer. The door wasn't locked, so I let myself in. I found him lying spread-eagle in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. I sat beside him.<br />
<br />
"<i>Ace—</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Wala na tayong dapat pag-usapan pa.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Ace, please naman. Hear me out. I don't want to end the night like thi</i>s."<br />
<br />
"<i>There's no use anymore...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>I beg you, Ace... Please... I want to apologize for my behavior tonight. I admit naging selfish at extremely immature ako... Yes, I'm a jerk, an asshole. I messed up. I'm so sorry, Ace. I really do. Nagsisisi ako sa mga nasabi ko sa'yo kanina... Natauhan ako bigla nung ikaw na ang nagsalita. Nagising ako sa mga salitang isinampal mo. Mas naiintindihan ko na ngayon; ako ang mali...</i>"<br />
<br />
I could no longer held back the tears, so I just let them fell. Ace sat up and faced me; his expression had softened. We hugged as I continued to speak in between sobs. He was already crying too.<br />
<br />
"<i>Forgive me, Ace. Patawad sa pain na idinulot ko sa'yo... Of course I want you to be happy. And I should not judge you because of your methods. Gawin mo kung ano sa tingin mo ang makakapagpasaya sa'yo... Hindi ko rin dapat inaangkin sila Rey, kasi naging malapit na kaibigan mo na rin sila... They have been very supportive to both of us.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Sabi ko naman sa'yo di ba, masaya ako kapag alam ko na masaya ka.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>No, Ace... Hindi mo na ko dapat intindihin. Starting now, you have to think of your own happiness. Alam ko naman na you won't bring harm to yourself. Kilala kita, so I need not worry. Ikaw rin, don't worry about me anymore, I'll be fine. Do everything that will make you happy, and I'll do the same.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>I understand... I think it's already time to free myself from you. Masyado ko nang nakakalimutan ang sarili ko. Thanks, Sep... This is the closure I need.</i>"<br />
<br />
We let go, smiling at each other as we dry up our faces. We might have failed to fully salvage our relationship, be we were able to put to good use whatever was left of it. I'm hoping for the best; that in the end, we are both happy indeed.Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-24325040076653696922014-04-05T11:49:00.000+08:002014-04-05T11:49:33.152+08:00Overcoming The Underestimated<b>3 weeks ago. </b><br />
<br />
My phone rang, breaking the silence of my room. Its screen showed Ace's name. I hesitated before picking it up.<br />
<br />
"<i>Yep Ace?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Hi Sep, it's been a while. Naistorbo ba kita?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Hindi naman. Anong meron?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Si <span id="goog_808047206"></span>Will<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null"> <span id="goog_808047207"></span></a>kasi, aalis na bukas pa-Dubai.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Oo nga pala. Napag-usapan na namin yan sa Facebook. Di ko namalayan, bukas na pala flight niya.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Lalabas kami tonight, padespedida sa kanya. Pwede ka ba? Sabi ni Will pilitin daw kita.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Uhm... What do you think Ace?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Huh?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>I mean, is it too soon? Good idea ba na magkita tayo considering what happened the last time?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Well... That was last month, and wala na tayong communication since then. Don't worry Sep, I'm loads better now. Do this for Will, not me. He'll be gone a long time, gusto niya nandun ka.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Hmmm... Linggo ngayon no? Wala naman akong plans today, so okay sige.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>That's good. Sabihan ko sila.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>See you later Ace.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Wait lang Sep...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Yep, meron pa?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>How are you? Masaya ka naman ba?</i>"<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<br />
I met with Ace, <a href="http://alfabetodellamiavita.blogspot.com/2013/09/letter-break-5-what-hell-really-happened.html">Will, and Adam</a> as agreed.<em><br /></em><br />
<br />
It was a lovely evening, unlike what took place at Lanie's. We joked around, laughed our hearts out, caught up with each other's lives, shared boy stories, and dined sumptuously in an authentic Korean restaurant somewhere near Tagaytay. I know they are well aware of what occurred recently between Ace and I. We talked about it more than once. They had a few questions; some were difficult to answer, but they didn't force us if we don't want to. They still kept the mood light and gay (pun intended).<br />
<br />
This time, Ace was warm and friendly towards me. He constantly asked if I'm having a good time, he kept on glancing with a smile across his face, and he made sure that my plate is never empty. No returning of things happened and no tears were shed. It was only a night of boisterous laughter and good food.<br />
<br />
On our way home, Ace and I had another conversation.<br />
<br />
"<i>Sep, thanks sa pagpunta ha. I missed this, alam mo yun, us just having fun.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Wala yun. Nag-enjoy ako tonight.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Kaya naman pala natin maging civil sa isa't-isa. This shows na we can still be friends.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>I guess so...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Nga pala, bibisitahin ulit ako nila Lanie, Rey, at Theo sa Tuesday. Pwede ka ba nun?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>May pasok ako nun, nasa Manila ako. Anung meron?</i>"<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Uhm, wala naman. Dinner lang sana. Then naisip namin na i-celebrate ang birthday mo. Baka pumunta rin pala si Mary Jane.</i>"</div>
<br />
"<i>Mary Jane? As in yung ex ko?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Yep. Kasama rin siya last time eh.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Hmmm... Bakit hindi na lang sa susunod na Linggo? Available ako nun kasi day-off ko na and uuwi ulit ako dito sa Cavite. Para makasama ako.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Hindi raw kasi pwede si Lanie at Mary Jane next weekend eh. Sa Tuesday lang kami pwede makumpleto.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>So you are telling me na ise-celebrate niyo ang birthday ko, with cake and all, and I am the last one to get invited, pero hindi importante na maka-attend ako as long as complete kayong mga guests?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Parang ganun na nga.</i>" <br />
<br />
The idea made me burst out laughing, while Ace was grinning.<br />
<br />
"<i>Mga leche kayo. Ang sarap talaga maging best friend nila Lanie at Rey; nakakaisip sila ng unique ways para asarin ako.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Well, ganun ka nila ka-love eh. So ano, kaya mo ba?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Titignan ko. Pang-umaga naman ang shift ko sa ngayon, so possible. Bahala na.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>It's settled then. Uhm, one more thing Sep. Oks lang ba na papuntahin ko rin si Giro?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Sinong Giro?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Uhm, new friend ko. Nakilala ko thru WeChat. 21 years old, HRM student, and ka-subdivision ko lang din.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Lalaki mo? Ang hilig mo talaga sa bata Ace.</i>"<br />
<br />
I chuckled. I don't know why, but it was an awkward one.<br />
<br />
"<i>We dated at first, yes, pero na-realize ko na we're better as friends, na tropa lang. Parang kid bro ko na siya. Halos araw-araw siya tumatambay sa bahay. Pinagseselosan na nga ako ng gf niya eh.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Ah... Pamintang durog na binudbod sa tahong.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Grabe ka naman Sep. Sabi niya bisexual siya.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Sus, walang ganun. Either bakla ka or straight. Walang gray area when it comes to gender.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Well, opinyon mo yan.</i>" <br />
<br />
"<i>Parang si <a href="http://alfabetodellamiavita.blogspot.com/2013/09/letter-break-5-what-hell-really-happened.html">Paul</a> lang pala? Date na naging kaibigan lang.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Uhm, oo. Oks siya kasama, don't worry. I'm sure matutuwa ka sa kanya. Madalas kitang ikwento dun, kaya naman looking forward siya na makilala ka sa personal.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Hmmm...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>If hindi ka komportable, it's alright... You can say no. Kilala kita.</i>"<br />
<br />
I won't deny that I felt a tinge of jealousy at that moment. But I know better, so I pushed that notion deep down in my brain. I should not feel that way, I don't have the right to anymore. Besides, Giro is just a friend. There's no harm if he would be there right?<br />
<br />
"<i>Well, bahay mo naman yun Ace, so you can invite whoever you want to.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Yes or no Sep?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Yes, okay lang.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Are you sure?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Opo.</i>" <br />
<br />
"<i>Good, thanks. I'll tell him.</i>"<br />
<br />
At that point, a confusing thought suddenly struck me. I hesitated first.<br />
<br />
"<i>Ace...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Yes?</i>"<br />
<br />
I held his gaze. <br />
<br />
"<i>Why all this? Why bother?</i>"<br />
<br />
He smiled.<br />
<br />
"<i>Gusto ko masaya ka.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>But why?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Kasi kapag alam kong masaya ka, masaya na rin ako... Yun ang goal ko sa ngayon.</i>"<br />
<br />
I wasn't able to answer. The words were stuck in my throat.<br />
<br />
"<i>So Sep, are you happy?</i>"Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com44tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-80818246832539284442014-03-27T14:14:00.000+08:002014-03-27T14:23:42.065+08:00Overcompensation Of The Underrated<b>5 weeks ago.</b><br />
<br />
We were at Lanie's to hang out. Theo, Rey, and Ace arrived there first. I joined them an hour later.<br />
<br />
At first, I was a little hesitant to come. The last time I saw my ex was during our mid-January trip in Aklan. After that, we mutually agreed to cease all kinds of communication between us, to help him to move on completely.<br />
<br />
On my way there, I prepared myself to be warm and friendly towards him. That night, however, he was kinda aloof and somehow withdrawn—the exact opposite of his usual self. I can't force him to act otherwise, so I just decided to focus on my friends. Amidst the little tension in the air, the dinner went well. There was the usual exchange of jokes, insults, and anecdotes. Ace seldom talked to me directly, so I also did the same.<br />
<br />
All of us were doing our best to ignore the elephant in the room, and it was going quite well until my gaze fell on a familiar paper bag sitting in a corner. It was Ace's, and upon seeing it, I instantly knew that it's trouble.<br />
<br />
What occurred next made the elephant grew much bigger.<br />
<br />
Ace must've caught me looking at the bag, because he suddenly uttered, "<i>Sa'yo nga pala yan, Sep.</i>"<br />
<br />
I stared at him, unsure of what to do, but he just nodded at me. I took the bag and opened it. Inside were a personalized apron, a customized plaque, a metal mug holder, a framed picture, a handful of letters and notes, a wooden coaster, a ceramic tic-tac-toe puzzle, and several laminated photos; almost all the things I gave him throughout our 3-year relationship.<br />
<br />
To add insult to injury, he said, "<i>Hindi ko pa naisama yung mga damit, yung coffee maker, at yung pressure cooker. Next time na lang ang mga 'yun.</i>"<br />
<br />
I didn't expect all of it, so the blow was painful. I had no idea that the said gesture could hurt so bad. It's like being punched in the face, while you're already on the floor, writhing in pain because you were kicked initially in the groin. I was stunned. I wondered if that's the reason why I was invited.<br />
<br />
For a while, I was so immersed with my own thoughts I didn't notice that the room became quiet. Theo and Rey were busy with their mobile phones, but I knew they were just feigning it. I never threw Ace another glance again. Lanie was nowhere in sight, so I stood up, searched, and found her in the kitchen, tending the dishes. I glumly approached her as she faced me with a knowing look.<br />
<br />
"<i>Iwan ko muna dito yung mga 'yun ha. Pakitago na lang. Di ko kaya iuwi sa bahay eh...</i>" I requested.<br />
<br />
She nodded and asked, "<i>Are you okay?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Honestly? Hindi...</i>" I answered.<br />
<br />
"<i>Pero naintindihan mo naman, di ba?</i>" she prodded.<br />
<br />
"<i>I little bit... Sa totoo lang, it doesn't make much sense eh,</i>" I said.<br />
<br />
"<i>At bakit naman?</i>" she quizzed.<br />
<br />
"<i>Nagulat ako. I didn't expect na it's something na magagawa ni Ace,</i>" I reasoned.<br />
<br />
"<i>Well, sometimes may mga bagay tayong nagagawa na di inaasahan, especially when we're hurt, di ba?</i>" she countered.<br />
<br />
With that, I shrugged. I didn't know what else to say, so I rejoined the trio in the living room and just sat in silence. I couldn't force myself to be cheery again; the damage was done. Fortunately, it didn't take long before we called it a night. I guess the main event was over, so it was no longer necessary to overstay our welcome.<br />
<br />
That night, I went home with a heavy heart.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
*** </div>
<br />
My phone rang as soon as I got home. It was Rey.<br />
<br />
"<i>Tol musta ka?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Heto malungkot...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Nakita ko nga yung mukha mo kanina nung buksan mo yung paper bag, para kang namatayan...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Sorry ha, nawala ako sa mood.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Actually, ako nga dapat ang mag-sorry sayo eh...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Bakit?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Eh kasi idea ko 'yun. Ako yung pumilit kay Ace na gawin yun...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Di nga?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Oo tol... Kagabi pa namin kasama si Ace. Tumambay kami sa bahay niya for dinner then uminom after. Dun na kami ni Theo natulog. Nalasing ata siya kagabi. Umiiyak siya tapos paulit-ulit na sinasabi yung name mo... Si Theo nakapagpatahan sa kanya...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Ahuh...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Then naalala ko yung nabasa ko sa book ni Ramon Bautista; para mas madali ang pagmo-move on, dapat isauli yung mga binigay na gamit. Ayaw pa nga niya nung una, pero napilit na lang namin siya...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Pakingshet na Ramon Bautista 'yan oh...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Sorry talaga tol ha, it was a mistake. Sobrang bad idea pala, parehas pa kayong nasaktan...</i>"<br />
<br />
I could clearly hear the sincerity and the genuine regret in my best friend's voice, so I kept calm. Besides, I was in no position to get upset anyway.<br />
<br />
"<i>Wala yun tol. Naintindihan ko. Tama lang yung ginawa niyo. In the end, I'm sure na maganda rin ang outcome ng nangyari kanina.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Basta Sep, sorry for hurting you ha, di namin sinasadya... Di na rin namin kasi kaya na makitang nahihirapan si Ace nang dahil sa'yo...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>No worries. Kayo na bahala sa kanya. Just continue to help him, I'll be fine on my own. Thanks Rey.</i>"<br />
<br />
I hung up soon after.<br />
<br />
That night, my heart was split in two.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
I was already lying idly in bed when my phone rang once more. This time, it was Ace.<br />
<br />
"<i>Sorry sa kanina ha...</i>"<br />
<br />
His voice was very solemn, as if it was coming from a dark abyss, so I made mine as cheerful as I can. I also forced a gentle smile, because I know that we are capable of hearing such in someone's voice.<br />
<br />
"<i>Cheer up, Ace. Oks lang yun.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Hindi Sep, I saw your reaction earlier, at parang nadurog yung puso ko...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Nakausap ko na si Rey. He explained it to me. Naintindihan ko naman, so don't worry na.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Ang hirap-hirap kasi Sep... Bakit nangyayari lahat ng 'to...</i>"<br />
<br />
I could hear his voice already breaking. I knew what was coming, so it made mine croaky as well. In minutes, we were both weeping. All of the emotions bottled up earlier gushed out like an unforgiving waterfall. Talking became difficult in between uncontrollable sobs. Breathing became labored, as my airways clogged up. This is why I don't like crying; things get pretty rough.<br />
<br />
"<i>Sorry Ace... For causing you all of this. Sa totoo lang, until now, hindi ko pa rin napapatawad ang aking sarili sa mga nangyari. Galit pa rin ako sa sarili ko...</i>"<br />
<br />
He chose not to answer. We sobbed in silence for several minutes.<br />
<br />
"<i>Still there Ace?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Yes...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>You may just sell or give away the clothes, yung coffee maker, at yung pressure cooker... Please don't return it to me, di ko rin kasi magagamit ang mga iyan.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>No need. I'll keep them. At kukunin ko rin kay Lanie yung mga isinauli ko. I realized that this did more harm than good. Bad idea talaga siya. This isn't the right way to forget...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Are you sure? Kasi naintindihan ko naman ng buo. Do whatever you can to move on. I'll fully support you.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Thanks Sep, but I'll be fine. Don't worry about me anymore. After what happened tonight, I can handle myself better now.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>What do you want me to do? How can I help?</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Siguro let's just continue yung totally walang communication. No texts, no calls... I will also unfriend you on Facebook.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Okay, I understand. Again, I'm very sorry... I hope you'll be able to forgive me for everything...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Matagal na kitang pinatawad Sep, kahit hindi ka pa nagso-sorry. Ang kailangan ko nang gawin ngayon ay ang lumimot. Anyway, thanks ulit.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Thanks din.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Bye...</i>"<br />
<br />
That night, my pillow was soaked with tears.Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com52tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-77880388975296672072014-03-07T17:05:00.002+08:002014-03-07T17:37:52.521+08:00Neverending NuancesMonday.<br />
<br />
"<i>Ano ba ang nangyayari sa'yo?</i>" she asked.<br />
<br />
My eyes shot upwards. I was slightly surprised by the sudden query for I didn't see her enter the room.<br />
<br />
"<i>Magkwento ka nga sa akin,</i>" she prodded.<br />
<br />
"<i>Wala ito,</i>" I said, focusing back on my brunch.<br />
<br />
"<i>Anong wala? Tulala ka na naman 'no,</i>" she quizzed, "<i>Napapansin ko na palagi kang balisa lately. Parang ang lalim lagi ng iniisip mo.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Pagod lang siguro sa trabaho,</i>" I lied.<br />
<br />
She was silent for a moment. I could feel her unwavering gaze. She was studying me, trying to penetrate through my defense.<br />
<br />
"<i>Dahil ba 'yan kay Ace, o dahil kay Uno?</i>" she continued.<br />
<br />
I felt my jaw tighten. I gave her another glance and sighed. It was apparent that I won't be able to shake her off. I forgot that she knows a fraction of the story.<br />
<br />
"<i>Kahit ako hindi ko alam kung bakit,</i>" I said.<br />
<br />
Deep concern was painted on her face. I saw it. I felt my eyes moisten. I did my best to fight back the urge.<br />
<br />
She exhaled loudly and said, "<i>Kung ano man 'yan, pilitin mong hindi isipin. Mamaya kung ano pa mangyari sa'yo dahil diyan. Ayusin mo kasi buhay mo ha. Malaki ka na. Alam mo na ang tama sa mali.</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>Opo... Baka marinig pa kayo ni Papa... Thanks Ma,</i>" I replied before she walked away.<br />
<br />
I need help. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<br />
Tuesday.<br />
<br />
<i>Nakakubli sa ilalim ng mga kumot ang tunay na nadarama. Ang
lubusang pag-aalala. Ang hindi matapos-tapos na pag-iisip. Ipapahalata
ko ba? O ipipinta ko na lamang sa mga pader?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Katabi kita na parang hindi. Nasa aking mga bisig na unti-unting namimitig.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Bakit wala akong madama? Bakit sadyang walang natatanging bigat ang mga salitang naririnig mula sa iyo? Ang pag-ibig na ito ay tila isang susing nagbukas sa hawla ng mga halimaw na nakapiit sa madilim na sulok ng aking isip.</i><br />
<br />
<i>"Sana tanggapin mo kung sino ako," ang sabi mo. </i><br />
<br />
<i>Marahil
ang mga sagot ay nariyan na. Mistulang humahalo sa ilaw na nagbibigay
liwanag sa kwartong ito. Ngunit nakatuon ang aking atensyon sa madilim
na parte ng iyong kama.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Nais ko nang limutin ang
lalaking pinapakita ng mga larawan sa loob ng aking pitaka. Habaan mo pa ang iyong
pasensiya; piliting unawain ang aking mga kahinaan.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Ako ang may problema.</i><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Wednesday.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As soon as he entered the door, I knew something was wrong. Or rather what's different.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Naka-tsongki ka na naman 'no?</i>" I greeted after taking one good look at him.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
He grinned and said, "<i>Ganon ba kahalata?</i>"</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Medyo. Siraulo ka talaga. Kapag ikaw nahuli...</i>" I warned.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Ililigo ko na lang 'to,</i>" he said, talking more to himself than me.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I returned my attention to my phone, clearly indifferent as he stripped down to his undies. After a minute, I heard the closing of the bathroom door, and then the shower being turned on. My mind wandered off.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
After several minutes, I noticed something weird. The bathroom was somewhat quiet. Yes, the water was audibly running, but there were no splashes or any sound of movement coming from inside. I immediately knew what was up, so I made my approach.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I crouched down and peeked though the familiar gap on the door. Through this gap, one can directly see the toilet. And as I looked, I saw that he was sitting on top of it.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
He was naked and wet, with his legs widely spread. He was already in the midst of pleasuring himself. Evidently, his cock is above average. Puberty is still not done with him and yet he's already sporting a thick 6-incher. It looked juicy and delicious right then and there. I noticed I was smiling, for I realized that that wasn't really a surprise since his older brothers have the same trait; it clearly runs in their blood.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I continued to watch, hypnotized by the craziness of what I was seeing. It didn't take much long before his body began to tense and his strokes became wilder. He let out a soft moan as jets of cum shot out onto his body. His milky juice continue to ooze as he panted heavily.<br />
<br />
That was one hell of a sight.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I snapped back to my senses. My knees felt weak and my heartbeat was very fast. I was out of breath as well. I stood up and went back to the couch.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I shook my head and smiled sheepishly after another realization.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I am one sick bastard. </div>
Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-9977372188887638642014-02-25T03:54:00.003+08:002014-02-25T07:42:50.871+08:00Much Has Been SettledTwo Saturdays ago, my mobile phone rang while I was busy at work. It was Rey.<br>
<br>
"<i>Tol, nahanap na namin yung blog mo</i>," he said, in a singsong voice.<br>
<br>
I was shocked. I didn't expect that he would find it that quickly.<br>
<br>
"<i>Shit...</i>" I said, trying to hide my surprise, "<i>What do you mean by 'namin'?</i>"<br>
<br>
"<i>Si Theo yung nakahanap, binalita ko lang sa'yo</i>," he said coolly.<br>
<br>
I lost, so I just did the next thing I know I could do.<br>
<br>
"<i>Tol, please don't read it</i>," I pleaded.<br>
<br>
He asked mockingly, "<i>At bakit naman hindi?</i>"<br>
<br>
Thinking of all the things I shared here, I was starting to get panicky, and I didn't mind hiding it when I answered, "<i>Kasi if gusto kong mabasa ninyo ang mga nakasulat doon, eh di sana matagal ko nang binigay yung URL. Hindi para sa mga mata ninyo ang blog ko. Please lang tol.</i>"<br>
<br>
"<i>Eh sorry ka, nakita na namin eh,</i>" he said, still teasing me.<br>
<br>
My best friend knows exactly if I'm already stressed. I made my voice serious.<br>
<br>
"<i>Di ako nagbibiro,</i>" I threatened.<br>
<br>
"<i>Kanina pa kaya nagbabasa si Theo,</i>" he said, brushing me off.<br>
<br>
"<i>Sabihin mo tumigil siya! Stay away from it pakiusap lang!</i>" I said, raising my voice.<br>
<br>
From playful, his voice turned sour as he answered, "<i>Ano bang problema mo tol? Hindi ko pa nakikita yung blog mo, wala pa rin naman kasi akong time magbasa!</i>"<br>
<br>
"<i>Basta! Sabihin mo diyan sa boyfriend mo na tantanan niya ang blog ko!</i>" I hissed.<br>
<br>
I dropped the call, sighing deeply. <i>Why are you so upset? It's Rey, your best friend. Whatever he discovers there, for sure he won't judge you easily; without doubt, he'll understand, albeit nonetheless perplexed. Theo's the same. They are very open-minded. What's with the panicking?</i><br>
<br>
I found myself staring into space when the answer struck me. <i>Because if they can easily find your blog, then it means other people you personally know won't have a hard time too... You are not unrecognizable as much as you think you are...</i><br>
<br>
I sighed again. The solution was right in front of me. I was overwhelmed with regret as it began to sink in. <i>You have to close down your blog. Now.</i> <br>
<br>
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
After that rather stressful phone call, the couple was silent for a week. I used the time to cool my head off. I knew I have to talk to them personally, so I dropped by their printing shop last Sunday afternoon.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Hey, musta na?</i>" I greeted them.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
They were warm and friendly, as usual, as if nothing ever happened a week ago. After some small talk, I told them the main purpose of my visit.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>So... Paano niyo nahanap yung blog ko?</i>" I asked, smiling.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I could tell that the topic made them uncomfortable. They became silent, measuring up my mood. Theo held my gaze, while Rey turned away. After several seconds, I saw Theo nudged Rey using his elbow.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Anong blog tol? Meron ka pala nun?</i>" Rey said, feigning ignorance. I couldn't tell if he's joking or not.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
After looking at Rey and pausing shortly, Theo was the one who provided the answer, "<i>Nahanap namin thru yung Wickedmouth website.</i>"</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Oh? Paano?</i>" I asked, genuinely puzzled.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>You gave us a copy of his book di ba? And nakwento mo dati na palagi kang nagbabasa dun. So we checked his latest post, then inisa-isa namin yung mga nag-comment. Until, ayun, we stumbled upon your page. Banner pa lang, alam ko na agad na ikaw,</i>" Theo explained.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Eh kasi naman tol, gagamit ka na lang ng screen name, yung obvious pa,</i>" Rey added, finally meeting my eyes.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I don't know exactly why, but I snickered. I found the story somehow amusing.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Pero pagtingin namin, naka-private na agad eh... Madaya ka,</i>" Rey said, upon seeing my reaction.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Sorry naman, nag-panic ako eh. O siya, io-open ko na ulit. Basta ipangako niyo na walang makakalabas sa inyo. Please?</i>" I asked, "<i>And kung ano man mga mababasa niyo doon, please keep an open mind.</i>"</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Lalo tuloy ako na-curious,</i>" Theo said, beaming.</div>
<br>
Meanwhile, I saw Rey frowning, so I quizzed him, "<i>Bakit? Ano pa problema?</i>"<br>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Naalala ko lang, bakit 'Rey' ang name ko dun? Ang panget! Buti pa yung kay Theo, maganda pakinggan. Ang dami naman iba, bakit yun pa binigay mo sa akin?</i>" he complained.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Eh anong gusto mo itawag ko sa'yo? 'Rhiannon'?</i>" I said, laughing.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Di mo man lang ginawang 'Ashton' o kaya 'Claude'...</i>" Rey sulked.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"<i>Sorry ka, mas bagay sa'yo ang 'Rey' eh,</i>" Theo answered, winking at me.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
P.S. Rey and Theo, before I forget, I hope you can forgive me for featuring your <a href="http://alfabetodellamiavita.blogspot.com/2013/11/discerning-duality-of-triptych-theo.html">love story</a> here without your consent. I wasn't able to ask you before because I was keeping this blog a secret. Just tell me if you want it removed. But for the love of God, please don't. Anyway, expect the unexpected here, and enjoy reading!</div>
Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4017300321163830098.post-86360605939787092772014-02-12T23:36:00.000+08:002014-02-12T23:47:51.965+08:00Much Has Been Said And Done[EDITED]<br />
<br />
3 things...<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<br />
More than a month has passed since Ace and I ended our relationship. I used a previous <a href="http://alfabetodellamiavita.blogspot.com/2014/01/ikaw-ako-at-ang-paupahang-kwarto.html">entry</a> as a metaphor for one of our last conversations.<br />
<br />
I'm sorry if I still can't tell all the details regarding what happened. I have yet to resist getting plunged into a moment of sadness whenever I think about all of it.<br />
<br />
All I can say is that everything was my fault. I am to blame for all that transpired.<br />
<br />
I am still angry at myself. I have yet to forgive the nasty little guy inside me. That miniature bastard that, in spite of everything I have learned and experienced so far in my wretched homosexual life, still needs to grow up.<br />
<br />
Maybe someday, I'll finally be able to talk about it. But I don't think it would be soon.<br />
<br />
Maybe once I accepted my weaknesses; when all the wounds have healed. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<br />
A recent conversation with my best friend...<br />
<br />
Rey: <i>Sep, ano yung naririnig ko na blog mo? Balita ko meron ka daw ah?</i><br />
Me: <i>Sino nagsabi sa'yo? Wala 'yun. Wag mo na alamin.</i><br />
Rey: <i>Dali na... Ano nga? Ang damot mo...</i><br />
Me: <i>Wala nga... Puro shit lang ang nandoon. Wag ka na mag-abala...</i><br />
Rey: <i>*hmp* Ah basta, hahanapin ko 'yang blog mo. Expert pa naman ako sa internet. Mahahanap ko rin 'yan, hintayin mo...</i><br />
Me: <i>Uh oh... *gulp* </i><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<br />
Tinatamad na kong mag-blog.<br />
<br />
Kaso nanghihinayang ako dun sa mga nakapila sa drafts ko. Marami-rami pa 'yun. Mga kwento, opinyon, at kung ano-anong kabaklaan at kalaswaan. Gaya ng mga nasa ibaba; all set na ang topic, isusulat na lang.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLuLbm1qOtvOndjx21cO2hzCno8YkgJJlWoJxJOmbxVRormpAZfDshnsFZ1dLgMk6am8NyzSli8aII1SIANMj3mF74dxmqvi7HMkq64WYMY_TKsBmwqqOpZQMakJVoFqT5rOyXWUerafFX/s1600/1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLuLbm1qOtvOndjx21cO2hzCno8YkgJJlWoJxJOmbxVRormpAZfDshnsFZ1dLgMk6am8NyzSli8aII1SIANMj3mF74dxmqvi7HMkq64WYMY_TKsBmwqqOpZQMakJVoFqT5rOyXWUerafFX/s1600/1.JPG" height="333" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Pero wala pa talaga akong ganang magsulat. Maghahanap muna ako ng gana; baka nandiyan lang sa paligid, pakalat-kalat.<br />
<br />
Sa ngayon, blog-hopping muna ang trip ko. :)Geosef Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08555243804930084836noreply@blogger.com44